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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Doesn’t Un-Dough-Stand What Pizza Is

    | Wyoming, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for carry out or delivery?”

    Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need to order a small pizza for carry out.”

    Me: “Sure, what would you like on it?”

    Caller: “No cheese, ’cause I don’t like cheese.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    Caller: “And no sauce, I hate sauce.”

    Me: “Okay. What toppings would you like?”

    Caller: “Oh, just plain.”

    Me: “Plain?”

    Caller: “Yeah, no toppings.”

    Me: “So, you want a small pizza with NO cheese, NO sauce, and NO toppings?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Do you, like, have a special name for that?”

    Me: “Bread.”

    A Complete Ba-SKET Case

    | Orlando, FL USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (At our store, we have a dish called the Bruschetta (bru-SHET-ta) Chicken Pasta. I am delivering a party their food.)

    Me: “So that leaves the Bruschetta Chicken Pasta. Here you go.”

    Customer: “I didn’t order no bru-SHET-ta! I ordered a bra-SKET-ta pasta!”

    (I turn around and put the item back on the tray, pause, then pick the same bowl up again.)

    Me: “Bra-sket-ta chicken pasta. Here you go.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    What Came First – The Allergen Or The Egg?

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cook at a restaurant. A sandwich comes back rung up “No Mayo, allergy”. I call the server back to the kitchen.)

    Server: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “So, what’s the guy allergic to? The eggs or the vinegar?”

    Server: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “That’s what’s in mayonnaise. Eggs and vinegar. If he’s allergic to the eggs, I’m going to need to get rid of two of the things on the sandwich. If it’s the vinegar, I’ll need to get rid of four. If it’s any of the other chemicals or preservatives or whatnot, I’ll have to leave off everything.”

    (The server goes and talks to the table, and returns a minute later.)

    Server: “He’s not really allergic to anything. He just wanted to make sure that it didn’t have mayo on it.”

    His Heart Just Wasn’t In It

    | Saint Clair Shores, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A customer looks like he is in a huge hurry. After 5 minutes of looking at the menu, he orders a grilled sandwich.)

    Me: “It will take a little longer for the grilling.”

    Customer: “I only have 5 minutes.”

    Me: “Well I suggest you not get it grilled because it will take about 8 minutes.”

    Customer: “I want it grilled and I want it in 5 minutes!”

    (After 5 minutes of the customer pacing up and down, he comes up to the counter.)

    Customer: “I need the sandwich now!”

    Me: “Ok, it’s being wrapped up for you sir.”

    Customer: “I am a heart surgeon, and I have a critical patient that I’m supposed to be operating on right now! I was supposed to be there a half hour ago!”

    (I give him his sandwich and he hurries out the door. Five minutes later, he rushes back4 through the door.)

    Customer: “I need extra Russian dressing!”

    Stealthy Healthy

    | Queensland, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “You don’t have anything healthy on the menu!”

    Me: “Well, the salmon is–”

    Customer: “Yuck! No one eats salmon! You people have no healthy options on this menu!”

    Me: “The steak is extremely lean and grilled. You can have it with the vegetables, or the salad with no dressing.”

    Customer: “Yuck! I hate steak! And I am not having vegetables!”

    Me: “The tuna steak is–”

    Customer: “Yuck!”

    Me: “Or you could try the–”

    Customer: “There is nothing healthy on this menu! Give me a bowl of chips. With gravy. And cheese.”


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