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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Weighs On Your Conscience And Your Scale

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (Since it’s my first day, I’m shadowing another employee at the cash register, putting in every order she takes from the customer. An hour in, a woman in her 40s and her husband come in. Note our sugar-free items are advertised as “guilt-free.” )

    Coworker: “Good afternoon and welcome to [coffee shop]! What can we make for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes I’d like a guilt-free sugar cookie latte and [frozen coffee] with guilt-free vanilla syrup.”

    Coworker: *repeating order for my benefit* “So, that’s a sugar-free sugar cookie latte and frozen coffee with sugar free vanilla?”

    Customer: *frowning* “No, a guilt-free latte and a guilt-free frozen coffee!”

    Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, a sugar-free latte and frozen coffee. Will that be all?

    Customer: “No! No! No! It’s GUILT-FREE! Turn around and read your menu board! GUILT. FREE.”

    (At this point I’m scared and just tell the coworker to use the term so she’ll go away.)

    Coworker: “Sorry, that’s a guilt-free latte and a frozen coffee with guilt-free vanilla syrup, yes?”

    Customer: “YES! Finally!”

    (I ring her up and charge her card. Her husband comes to the counter to place his own order.)

    Customer’s husband: “I just want a hot chocolate, young lady.”

    Customer, to her husband: “You’re fat! Get it GUILT-free!” *smacks him with her purse*

    Keep That Style To Yourself

    , | Stockton, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I take orders at a fast food restaurant. We have a secret menu with special type of fry we call “animal style”, which is pretty popular. A customer walks up.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have heard about this secret style french fry you guys make. Could I have one order of french fries, doggy style, please?”

    Me: “Um…do you mean animal style fries?”

    Customer: *turning red* “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    But Cheddar Is Always Beddar

    | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work in a coffee shop that is now advertising using real cheese instead of processed cheese.)

    Customer: “Can I get a chocolate chip muffin please?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “And can I get that without cheese?”

    Me: *confused* “We actually don’t put cheese on our muffins.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, I saw on the commercial that everything now has real cheese on it, so I really don’t want that.”

    Me: “Well, we only put cheese on things like sandwiches. You won’t have cheese on much else. We have just changed to using real cheese instead of processed, so that’s what we’re advertising.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s a relief!”

    Related:
    Dangerously Cheesy

    I Meant What I Said And I Said What I Meant

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer #1: “Um, I’d like a quickie.”

    Me: *offended* “EXCUSE ME?”

    Customer#1: “A quickie!” *licks his lips*

    (Offended, I skip him and serve the next table.)

    Customer #2: *apparently having overheard* “I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

    Me, to customer #1: “Oh! You meant quiche?”

    Customer #1: “No!”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Coffee As Hot As Your Temper

    | Wyoming, USA | Food & Drink

    (The customer orders a latte at 190 degrees.)

    Me: “Here is your latte at 190 degrees.”

    Customer: “Holy crap! Why is this so hot?”

    Me: “Well, we normally make our drinks at 160 degrees.”

    Customer: “But I asked for 190 degrees.”

    Me: “Right. I made it at 190 degrees. Would you like me to remake it at a cooler temperature?”

    Customer: “Well, I DID ask for it to be 190 degrees NOT 160 degrees.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a 190 degree latte is hotter than a 160 degree latte. Can I remake it for you at a cooler temperature?”

    Customer: “No, I asked for 190 degrees! It’s too hot!”

    Me: “Ma’am,I did make it at 190 degrees. That’s thirty degrees hotter than our normal temperature.”

    Customer: “Whatever, can I just get a cup sleeve?”

    Me: “There’s already a cup sleeve on it…only one will fit–”

    Customer: “Just give me another sleeve.”

    (I give her the other cup sleeve. She tries to slip it on, gets annoyed when she fails, and throws the sleeve across our counter.)

    Customer: “Cheap labor is so useless!” *storms off*

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