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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Give One, Get One Free

    | United Kingdom | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m waiting in line after ordering a cheeseburger. Another customer is being particularly annoying.)

    Server: “Your cheeseburger’s ready sir. That’ll be £2.80.”

    Me: *handing over money* “Thanks.”

    Other customer: “Hey! Why’s he getting his first? We were here first, that’s mine!”

    Server: “He ordered a cheeseburger. They’re quicker to make than double bacon burgers. Yours will be done in a minute.”

    Other customer: “I want that one! That one is mine!”

    (I nod to the server, and they hand the woman the burger.)

    Other customer: “This has got cheese in it! And no bacon! Are trying to rip me off?!”

    Server: “You said you wanted that one rather than what you ordered.”

    Other customer: “This is appalling! I’m going elsewhere. You can’t get your orders in the right order!” *slams cheese burger on van shelf then walks off*

    Server, to me: *smiling* “Would you like a free bacon burger with your cheeseburger?”

    History (Deep) Pans Out

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

    (A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

    Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

    Managers Are Used To Spot Checks

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (Our tea shop closes at 9pm. The time is currently 9:10. There is one couple and their child still in the store. I am cleaning the bathroom. The customer opens the bathroom door.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m cleaning this bathroom.”

    Customer: “But my son has to go.”

    Me: “I’m using bleach, it’s very dangerous here. I can’t let you use the bathroom.”

    Customer: “But my son has to go!”

    Me: “I can’t let you use it. We’re already closed and I have to finish cleaning.”

    Customer: *to another employee* “Your crazy cleaning lady won’t let my son use the bathroom. Can I speak to your manager?”

    Co-worker: “That was the manager.”

    (The customer silently grabs his wife and son and walks out without another word.)

    Peppering The Truth With Lies

    | Hinton, WV, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get a peppermint tea please?”

    Me: “Okay, what size of mint tea would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a large and I want a peppermint tea. Not a mint tea.”

    Me: “They are both the same thing.”

    Customer: “No they aren’t! Peppermint tea has pepper in it!”

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