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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,156 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Caution: Density May Vary With Temper

    | Los Angeles, CA, Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer comes up to my register and orders a pint of mint chip. All of our pints and quarts are hand scooped.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your ice cream. Anything else?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (The customer pulls out a small scale and weighs the pint.)

    Customer: “This weighs 17.8 ounces! A pint of water weighs 18! I will not pay for this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Can I get you a new pint?”

    Customer: “No! This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like to talk to my manager?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Are you guys trying to f***ing rip me off? This is grossly under weight!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but ice cream weighs less than water because there are air bubbles in ice cream. Wwe hand scoop our pints so while we put forth the biggest effort, we are not perfect.”

    Customer: “F***! I don’t care about air bubbles. This is a f***ing rip off!”

    Manager: “I’m so sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

    Customer: “Give me more f***ing ice cream! That’s what you can do!”

    Manager: “Okay.”

    (I quickly scoop her a couple cups of mint chip. She pays for the pint and storms off.)

    Who’s Teaching Who Manners

    | Minnesota, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I bus tables at a buffet-style restaurant. I approach a table of two middle-aged women and a girl who looks to be around 8 years old.)

    Me: “Hello! I’ll be your service assistant today. How is everything tasting so far?”

    Woman: “Fine.”

    (I walk away and let them continue eating. I return about 10 minutes later.)

    Me: “Why don’t I get these empty plates out of your way?”

    (Both women completely ignore me. I take the plates and start to walk away.)

    Girl: *yells to her mom* “Shouldn’t you say ‘thank you’?!”

    (I start giggling and duck into the bus station. Later, I return to the table to pickup the next round of plates.)

    Both women: *beaming* “Thank you!”

    (The majority of people do not tip us. They end up leaving me $5.)

    Does Your Sandwich Measure Up

    | Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am a 19 year old female worker in a sub shop. A 20-something customer comes in with his girlfriend.)

    Customer: “So, you work at [sandwich shop]?”

    Me: “Yea? Why?”

    Customer: “So, you know how to handle a foot long eh?”

    Me: “Yes, yes I do.”

    Customer: “Oh, good, so you can handle me, eh?”

    Me: *playing along* “I doubt you’re a footlong but, yeah, I guess.”

    Customer’s girlfriend, to customer: “See! Even she knows you have a huge ego.”

    (His girlfriend goes on to order a 6 inch sub. I make it and hand it to her.)

    Customer’s girlfriend, to customer: “Well, this is more like it, eh, babe?”

    The Secret Is In The Sauce

    , | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink

    (We moved to America because my dad’s work was transported to a new port. He is very bad with English, so many hilarious moments ensued when he buys food. At the moment, this fast food restaurant is heavily marketing one of its burgers. My dad decides he wants to try one.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Dad: “Yes, I would like the Big and Nasty Burger, please!”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Dad: “The Big and Nasty Burger!”

    Cashier: “Um, do you mean the Big and Tasty Burger, sir?”

    Dad: “Yes, that’s what I said! The Big and Nasty!”

    Santa Thanks You For Your Consideration

    | Helsinki, Finland | Food & Drink

    (A customer is inquiring about restaurants in the vicinity of the hotel and I’ve offered him a few suggestions.)

    Customer: “Thank you for your help. Now, I have one more question, if that’s okay?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: “Is all the meat in Helsinki reindeer meat?”

    Me: “Do you mean in the Finnish restaurants?”

    Customer: “No, everywhere. Is it possible to get beef, or pork, for example?”

    Me: “Yes, you can get pretty much any kind of meat here. Reindeer is a specialty meat, even for most Finns.”

    Customer: “Oh, ok! I used to live in Alaska and reindeer was the only meat you could get there. Thanks for your help, again!”

    Me: “You’re welcome.”

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