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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to order a 3 tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

    Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

    Me: “Well it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it make take 3 to 4 days.”

    Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

    Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

    (The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

    Customer’s son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

    Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough

    | Melbourne, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “…and a large Dew.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

    Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

    Me: “Ah, sorry?”

    Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

    Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

    Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

    Better Safe Than Saucy

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A young boy comes up to me and points at the clam sauce for spaghetti.)

    Boy: “Can I have this sauce?”

    Me: “Sure, it’s clam. Is that okay?”

    Boy: “Clam? What’s clam?”

    (I start clapping my fingers together motioning a clam closing and opening.)

    Me: “A clam? You don’t know what a clam is?”

    Boy: *blank stare.*

    Me: “Okay, well are you allergic to any shellfish?”

    Boy: “What’s a shellfish?”

    Me: “Okay, you’re getting tomato sauce.”

    When Funding Is Poultry

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, can I have the chicken salad without chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, you mean a regular salad?”

    Customer: “No. I want the chicken salad without the chicken.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a chicken salad without the chicken is just a salad.”

    Customer: *stares blankly* “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “There’s no chicken.”

    *customer stares blankly*

    Me: “It’s cheaper?”

    Customer: “Okay! I’ll have that!”

    Blame A Lack Of Concentration

    | Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It’s brown.”

    Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

    Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

    Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

    Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”


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