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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Telling Porkies

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Food & Drink

    (A family sits at a table in a restaurant specializing in steak dishes.)

    Me: “Hi guys, welcome to [restaurant]. Let me just tell you about today’s special, the prime rib with–”

    Customer: “We don’t need to hear this. Just stop.”

    Me:”So, you already know about the special? Great! Would you like to start with any–”

    Customer: “No! We’re vegetarians!”

    Me: “Oh, alright, well we have a few vegetarian dishes on this–”

    Customer: “No! Listen, we know what we want already.”

    Me: “Okay, great. Go ahead.”

    Customer: “Finally! The kids will have the chicken nuggets, my husband will have the chicken burger, and I’ll have the chicken strip salad.”

    Me: “Sure. Anything else?”

    Husband: “I’ll have extra bacon on the burger.”

    Obviously Not A People Person

    | New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have booths at which we can only seat groups of 3 or more. There is a couple with their young child sitting in one. A couple came in and I went to seat them.)

    Me: “Hi, are you here to eat, or are you just having some drinks?”

    Customer: “Eating, can we take a booth?”

    Me: “Sorry, but we need to save them for groups of three or more.”

    Customer: “What about them?” *motions at the couple with their child*

    Me: “They have 3 people sitting there.”

    Customer: “What? Babies aren’t people!”

    Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 3

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    Customer: *places foil wrapped ham on counter* “I ordered a spiral sliced ham and you gave me a turkey!”

    Me: “Okay, let me just see the turkey.” *I open the foil and see that it is definitely a ham* “Ma’am, this is a ham.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. That is a turkey! I think I know what ham looks like.”

    Me: “Can you see the bone and the pinkish color? The turkey is boneless and white.”

    Customer: “I know what a ham looks like and that is a turkey!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s a ham. Would you like to sample it?”

    (She samples the ham and looks flustered.)

    Customer: “Oh just give me whatever the h*** that thing is!”

    Related:
    Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 2
    Not To La-Boar The Point

    Bean There, Done That

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

    Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

    Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans…in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”

    Short Cake, Tall Order

    | Southlake, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in about 20 minutes?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning, however.”

    Customer: “No! That’s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated differently just because I’m Jewish!”

    Me: “I’m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don’t have the proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place an order for you, but can do little more than that.”

    Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this! I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!”

    Customer: “What the h*** is Hanukkah?!”


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