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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Have Mouth, Will Shovel

    , | Kannapolis, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have the grinder.”

    Me: “Okay, what would you like on it?”

    Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a grinder is just another name for a sandwich–just like hoagie or sub. I need to know what you would like on it.”

    Customer: “How should I know what’s on a grinder? The old place had a grinder. I ordered a grinder, and they gave me a grinder!”

    Me: “So, you don’t know what kind of meat or cheese you would like?”

    Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder! They made a grinder, and they put the right stuff on it! How would I know what I eat?!”

    George Foreman Would Not Be Happy

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good afternoon. What can I get for you?”

    Resident: “I will have a grilled cheese without the bread.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Our grilled cheese only comes on bread.”

    Resident: “Well, I don’t like bread. Your menu says I can have a grilled cheese, and I want it without bread!”

    Me: “Okay, I will be right back with that.”

    (I walk into the kitchen, and tell the cook the request. She puts two slices of cheese on a plate, and microwaves it. I then take it out to the resident.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Resident: “What is this? This isn’t a grilled cheese. Where are the grill marks?”

    A Nugget Of Truth Can Get You In Trouble

    , | KY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (The fast food restaurant I work at has a bar right behind and our drive-thru stays open until 2 am. Like most fast food places, we cannot serve you in the drive-thru if you aren’t in a car.)

    Customer #1: *walks up and bangs on the drive-thru window* “Hey!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer #1: “I want a cheeseburger and some fries. Oh and a shake.”

    Customer #2: “And nuggets, don’t forget nuggets!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t serve you unless you are in a car.”

    Customer #1: “But I’ve been drinking.”

    Me: “I understand, but it’s not safe to have people in the drive-thru when they aren’t in their car.”

    Customer #1: “Okay.”

    (About 20 minutes later, they pull around very fast, passing the menu. I notice his unfinished beer is sitting between his knees.)

    Customer #1: “Okay. I want a cheeseburger–”

    Me: “Sir, do you realize that you are now drinking and driving and I can call the police?”

    (Customer #1 goes white and starts to drive away.)

    Customer #2: *as they pull away* “You forgot my nuggets!”

    Free Derange

    | Venice Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what does free range chicken mean?”

    Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

    Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

    Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken scratch so they can read it.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”

    Fanny Whack

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer walks in. His clothes a bit mismatched and he’s wearing a fanny pack. The eyes are bloodshot and he’s sporting a huge smile on his face. I’m relatively new at this point.)

    Me: “Hi sir, welcome to [deli], how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Um, yeah can I get some monkey brains?”

    (He’s completely serious if a little under the influence, so I go with it.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, we’re fresh out today, truck comes tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Dang, how about some mermaid?”

    Me: “Mermaid isn’t in season yet sir, but our tuna is pretty good.”

    Customer: “Bummer. Well how about your brownies, they got pot in them, right?”

    Me: “No sir, we switched bakeries just last week.”

    (After ordering about half of our menu and asking if everything that had a green dot next to it [indicating something organic] had pot in it, he pays and eventually leaves. I’m left in tears as I’m laughing so hard. When my manager asks me what’s going on, I explain what happened.)

    Manager: “D***! I missed Fanny Pack Guy?!”

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