November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A (Po)Lite Snack

| NM, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(The theater I work at is cheap; the tickets are roughly half-price of the regular theaters. We get a lot of families, children and seniors, but have recently had a rash of extremely rude children. I’m working concession when a young boy—about 7 years old—comes up with his Mother. He takes a long time reviewing the menu and prices, so I ask him if I can help.)

Boy: “I need to buy snacks, please. I have $9.”

Me: “$9 is a great amount! Let’s see what we can get for you.”

Boy: “Hmmm. May I have a water, please?”

Me: “Of course, but if you’d like, I could sell you a cup instead. The water is $2.50; the cup is $0.25 and you can refill it as much as you’d like.”

(He agrees to get the ice cup, and starts counting his money on the counter.)

Boy: “Ma’am? Thank you for your suggestion about the cup!”

(Stunned that this small child is so polite and well-spoken, I turn around to see if his mom is coaching him. She’s not.)

Me: “You’re very welcome, young man! What else may I get for you?”

(The boy thinks a little at this point, looking at the candy case.)

Boy: “Every month I take my mom on a date. I already took her to dinner, then we got ice cream, and now I’m taking her to a movie! I need to make sure I treat her right!”

Me: “That’s so thoughtful! You are a wonderful son, and a very polite young man!”

Boy: “I love my mom. She’s the best!” *smiles*

(Moved by his thoughtfulness, his manners, and his absolutely charming smile, I decide to help him out a bit.)

Me: “Okay, here you are: your cup, a popcorn and a candy. It’ll be $3.25.”

Boy: *confused look* “Okay?”

(He hands me $4 after I assure him that his total is $3.25, so I start ringing him up.)

Boy: “Ma’am? Can you keep the change for yourself as a tip?”

(My heart melts at this. I did keep the change, but I put it toward the remaining $3.25 I hadn’t charged him, and then covered the rest out of my own pocket. He thanked me again and walked off hand-in-hand with his mom. All of the employees were tickled to see this little boy on his ‘date’ with Mom, and were very glad we were able help by paying for part of his concession but also get to let him feel like a grown-up by paying for part of his snacks. Later, as he’s leaving, I see him putting his trash into the can in the lobby. He sees me and begins to wave.)

Boy: *waving* “Have a very good night!”

These Customers Are Mostly Harmless

| Western Australia, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

Me: “Good evening, welcome to [pizza store]. How can I help you this evening?”

Customer: “Just a Meat Lover’s on the regular base, thanks.”

Me: “Not a problem. It should be ready in ten to fifteen minutes. Can I just have a name for the order?”

Customer: *politely* “No.”

Me: “…Sorry?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

(The customer’s friend looks a bit annoyed at the customer, like he’s done this before, but doesn’t offer a name either.)

Me: “Well, it’s busy tonight and I may not be the one giving out the pizza, so if there isn’t a name they may not know whose pizza it is.”

Customer: “I just don’t want my name on the computer.”

Me: “Well, I could put a fake name down instead?”

Customer: *rolls his eyes, and then replies* “Fine, just put down Slartibartfast.

Me: “…Slartibartfast?”

Customer: “I told you it didn’t matter!”

(He then walks off before I can reply to his name; I’m a huge fan of Douglas Adams myself. When his pizza comes out, I call out his name.)

Me: “Slartibartfast and the hoopy frood Zaphod Beeblebrox?”

(Both men laugh as they collect the pizza. The next time they came back, it was a pizza for Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect!)

Seeing Red

| NY, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(Two customers approach the concession stand.)

Customer: “I’d like a small red slushie.”

Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with that!”

(I go around the corner and try to get him his drink. The machine is working poorly, and I can’t get anything to come out. I pull the lever as hard as I can, with no success.)

Me: *to my manager* “I think we have a problem.”

(As soon as I say it, the slushie explodes out of the machine, covering me from head to toe and spreading over about a third of the concession stand. I stand there dumbfounded for a moment, then grab a paper towel, wipe off the cup, and bring it back around to the customer, who is obviously trying not to laugh.)

Me: *to his friend* “And can I get you anything?”

Customer’s Friend: *grinning* “Yes. A small red slushie, please!”

Acting Acidic

| South West England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(In addition to salt and vinegar, my chip shop offers customers slices of lemon with their fish.)

Me: “Would you like lemon with your fish, sir?”


Getting A Kick Out Of Tourists

| Australia | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I am working as a waitress in the middle of a city in Australia. We have a large outdoor dining area.)

Customer: *in an American accent* “Excuse me, Miss. I’d like to be moved.”

Me: “As we’re really busy, I’m not sure if we have any spare tables. Is it too hot out here for you?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get my food stolen.”

Me: “By… who? Is someone stealing food?”

Customer: “By the kangaroos! I haven’t seen any today, though. I’ve heard they like to kick you and steal your food.”

Customer’s Australian Friend: “Dude, I was kidding.”

Customer: *shocked* “Oh my God, really?”