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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Fair Trade Waylaid

    | United Kingdom | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

    Me: “Right this way.”

    Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

    Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”

    Take It Away, Uncle Sam

    | New Zealand | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (Fast food places are often referred to as takeaway stores in New Zealand.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [fast food]. May I take your order?”

    Customer: “So, what is a tar… key… ah… way…?”

    Me: “Um, takeaways. As in food you can take away.”

    Customer: “Oh, is it a Maori word?”

    Me: “No sir. It’s an English word. May I ask, are you from out of New Zealand?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m from America, but you’re lying about takeaways being an English word. I’ve been to Canada and they don’t use it there!”

    Sinfully Delicious

    | Savannah, GA, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (This bakery is a vintage style, family owned bakery with custom names for each product.)

    Customer: "As a man of the cloth, I know this is a weird order. But could I get a Hazel Feelgood and a Drunk Blondie?"

    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m supervising on a Sunday afternoon, our slowest day of the week. We’ve only been open a couple hours and have only made maybe 4 or 5 sandwiches. A customer calls in with a complaint.)

    Caller: “Excuse me, I ordered a sandwich from you this morning and it is just terrible! You toasted it too much and it just fell apart when I bit into it!”

    Me: “Well that’s odd, sir. If a sandwich was toasted too long it would normally burn long before it would dry out like that. What did you order?”

    Caller: “Chicken.”

    Me: “I can’t find your order in the system. Could you tell me what time you were here?”

    Caller: “This morning sometime.”

    Me: “We weren’t open this morning, sir. We open at noon on Sundays.”

    Caller: “Well, maybe it was after noon then.”

    Me: “Okay, well I’ve been here all day and I don’t recall serving a chicken sandwich to a gentleman today.”

    Caller: “It was my wife who came in.”

    Me: “I’m looking through today’s orders on the computer, and I haven’t served any chicken sandwich today. Are you sure you came to this location?”

    Caller: “Yes. And it was last night. I talked to the manager and he said you’d give me a free sandwich today.”

    Me: “I was the manager last night too, sir.”

    Caller: “You’re not going to give me a free sandwich, are you?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m not.”

    Caller: “Okay, then.” *hangs up*

    Related:
    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

    Can I Have Some Nuts With That

    | Annapolis Valley, NS, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (The customer spends several minutes staring at a selection of fudge, trying to decide which one she wants. Her daughter is standing in line with her.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a piece of caramel chocolate squirrel.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Daughter: “Mooommm!”

    Customer: “What?”

    Daughter: “It’s chocolate caramel swirl! I don’t think we want a chocolate caramel squirrel.”

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