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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Half A Sandwich For Half A Brain

    | Yorktown, IN, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work in a sandwich shop where you can purchase a foot-long or six-inch sandwich. Two women walk into my shop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Woman #1: “We want half a sandwich, each.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that today. What kind of bread would you like?”

    Woman #2: “Wheat, but we only want half of it, each.”

    Me: “That’s no problem. Six-inch sandwiches are very common. Now, what kind of–”

    Woman #1: “No! We want half of that!”

    Me: “Uh, okay, so you want three inches, each?”

    (The women both look at each other and nod. I cut a six-inch piece and hold it up.)

    Me: “Okay, just so we can clarify before I cut it, I’m cutting this piece in half and you want half of it, each. If you like, I can just charge you for one six-inch since you’re getting the same kind of sandwich.”

    Woman #1: “Alright, that’s good. Thanks for the offer.”

    (I start cutting the bread into three-inch pieces.)

    Woman#1: “What are you doing?!”

    Me: *startled* “Well, I’m giving you your three-inch sandwiches.”

    Woman #2: “No! We wanted one of those each!” *points at the other half*

    Me: “So, you each want a six-inch sandwich?”

    Woman #2: “No! We want half a six-inch!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our regular sandwich is twelve inches. The one you just pointed at is six-inches.”

    Woman #1: “I don’t care for your measurements! Just give us what we want!”

    Me: “You want a six-inch then.”

    Woman #2: “No! We want half!”

    (This goes on for about 10 more minutes. They end up getting a six-inch each and then demanding that I give them the deal I’d offered. In the end, they both paid full price, mumbling about my incompetence.)

    Grow Up Or Melt Down

    | Colorado, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [bakery], [my name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a complaint about the cake you guys made for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. What was the problem?”

    Customer: “It melted.”

    Me: “Sir, did you purchase an ice cream cake?”

    Customer: “Yes, and it melted when I left it on my counter last night.”

    Me: “Sir, ice cream cake is made out of ice cream and will melt if you don’t keep it in the freezer.”

    Customer: “This is not acceptable. I do not baby my cakes!”

    Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

    | North Brunswick, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (A truck flips over down the street and takes out a power line, knocking out the power to our restaurant. We are all getting ready to start cleaning up and calling it an early day until a customer walks in. Note that all the lights are off.)

    Customer: “I tried calling to place an order and you guys didn’t answer the phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Our power is out, so our phones don’t work.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s okay. Can I just order a chicken lori dinner?”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that’s not possible at the moment. We have no electricity in the kitchen and there aren’t any windows back there. Plus, our ovens and grilles have electric starters.”

    Customer: “You guys are open though, correct?”

    Me: “Only for a little while longer while we clean up.”

    Customer: “Well, then, can you at least make me a pizza?”

    Me: “I don’t think you really understand. We lost power. We can’t cook anything right now.”

    Customer: “Ugh, what kind of pizza place is this? Can I at least have one of the slices on the counter?”

    Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

    (I pick her slices out and start putting them in a box.)

    Customer: “You aren’t even going to heat them up or anything?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I honestly don’t know how much clearer I can make this. The power is out. Anything that uses electricity is currently not working. Our stoves cannot be started.”

    Customer: “Fine! Forget it. I’m never coming back here again. You people are useless!”

    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 2

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A lady orders an ice cream cone from our drive-thru window. After getting her ice cream, she comes back about 5 minutes later. Keep in mind it’s a sweltering hot day.)

    Me: “Hi, was there something else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *angrily* “I think there’s something wrong with your ice cream machine!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t believe there is. What’s wrong?”

    Customer: “My ice cream has melted!”

    Me: “Could it be because it’s 105 degrees outside?”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Related:
    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

    A Shake As Thick As Your Skull

    , | Melbourne, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like to order two large chocolate thickshakes, but I don’t want them to be too thick.”

    Me: “Well, would you like milkshakes then?”

    Customer: “No, I want thickshakes. Just don’t make them too thick.”

    Me: “Well, milkshakes are less thick versions of–”

    Customer: *explodes* “NO! I WANT THICKSHAKES!”

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