Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Your Argument Just Went Up In Smoke

| BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

(A young man walks into store, grabs two energy drinks, and then comes to the till to pay. As he’s paying, a middle-aged customer comes into the store.)

Middle-aged Customer: “I can’t believe they haven’t banned those energy drinks yet! They’re so bad for you. Some kid down in the States died from them!”

Young Customer: *finishes paying and leaves*

Middle-aged Customer: “I’ll have two packs of cigarettes, please.”

Dingbats In The Drive-Thru

, | Derby, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in the drive-thru area of a well known fast food store. I’m taking an order out to a customer who, instead of parking in the designated bays, has parked in the main car park. The car he is parked next to just happens to be mine.)

Me: “One burger meal?”

(The customer throws open his door with great speed, slamming it into my car and leaving a noticeable dent. In shock, I drop his paper bag.)

Customer: “What on EARTH do you think you’re doing?!”

Me: “You just hit my car!”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realise it was yours.”

(At this point I’m too shocked to do anything other than stand there and try not to cry.)

Customer: “So, are you going to compensate me?”

Me: “What for?”

Customer: “You just dropped my food on the floor. I demand a full refund and maybe some extras.”

Me: “Sir, you just dented my car with extreme force. I don’t particularly feel inclined to do anything other than replace the meal I dropped, to be completely honest.”

Customer: “That is RIDICULOUS! You owe me £5 for that meal!”

Me: “With all due respect sir, if I may please have your insurance details, we’ll see just how much you owe me!”

Sum Dim Customers

| Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

Me: “A…what?”

Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

Working Like A Dog

, | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(At our fast food restaurant, a customer walks in with a seeing eye dog. It’s in training with a clearly-marked blue vest and two trainers. However, a customer behind her begins complaining.)

Customer: “Man, I thought your sign said dogs ain’t allowed!”

Me: *to a trainer* “Ma’am, it’s a working dog in training, correct?”

Trainer: “Yes. She has to be trained in public before they’ll allow her to go to a patient.”

Me: “Sir, she’s a working dog. They’re allowed in public buildings by state law.”

Customer: “Man, that’s bulls***!”

Me: “Why’s that, sir?”

Customer: “That dog don’t work here!”

Cuffed Red-Handed

| Nantes, France | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I occasionally hire the 19-year-old niece of one of my friends to help me around the store during vacations. She’s quite frail and shy, but it isn’t too much of a problem since many of my customers are regulars and know (and like) her. One busy day, a peculiar lady whom I’ve never seen comes in and goes straight to the girl.)

Customer: “I want a double cheeseburger, a Coke, and a chocolate donut.”

Niece: “Um…I think we’re out of chocolate donuts. I’m going to check. Please wait a minute, ma’am.”

Customer: *bluntly* “Yeah, you do that.”

Niece: *runs to the back*

Customer: *whispering* “Useless b****.”

(When my niece comes back several minutes later, the customer gives her an icy stare.)

Niece: *nervously* “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It seems we’re out of stock. May I suggest you another dess—”

Customer: “You useless little s***! Every time I come here, I find what I want. Just admit you suck at your job.”

Niece: “B-but I—”

Customer: “Don’t interrupt me, you b****! Either get me my food now, or I’ll make sure your skinny little a** gets fired!”

Niece: *almost crying* “Ma’am, please—”

Customer: “You interrupted me again, you s***!”

(Before I can do anything, the customer PUNCHES my niece in the face, hard enough to make the girl fall on her back and hit her head on a cooler. However, two of my regulars, who are uniformed policemen, grab the customer.)

Customer: “What are you doing?!”

Regular #1: “Ma’am, what you just did is an aggravated assault. If this girl is seriously wounded, you face a fine and jail time. Please don’t resist.”

Customer: “Oh yeah?! Tough luck proving that without any police around, jacka**!”

Regular #2: *handcuffs the customer* “Ma’am, we are police officers.”

Customer: *almost faints*

(My friend’s niece ended up breaking her glasses and four of her teeth due to her fall. She refused to come back to work after that, which saddened both me and the regulars. At least she got a small measure of justice thanks to the police officers.)

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