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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Gluing Up Appearances

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (This happened while I was working at an upscale restaurant in North Carolina. It’s during one of the worst droughts in history.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your table. It’s right by the window as requested.”

    Customer: “Can we have another table?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’d be glad to move you to another table, but this is the only one available near a window.”

    Customer: “Well, I just don’t want to look out at the dead tree.”

    Me: “Dead tree?”

    Customer: “Yes, you see that dead tree out there? Honestly, your groundskeeper should be doing a better job.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s because we are currently in a drought.”

    Customer: “So? He should at least water it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s against the law to water lawns and trees right now.”

    Customer: “Well, he should at least go and glue some fake leaves to the tree!”

    Please, Take A Crap

    | West Midlands, UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a crap, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I’d like a crap with sugar and lemon, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I see! A crepe with sugar and lemon.”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said. A crap with sugar and lemon!”

    Luncheon And On And On

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (Note: I quit working at this store for 7 months and then returned.)

    Customer: “Oh so how are things? I haven’t seen you for a while.”

    Me: “Oh, good. Yeah, I actually haven’t worked here for the last 7 months. This is my first day back.”

    Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were on lunch break or something.”

    Well, That Plan Is Out The Window

    | Madison Heights, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I had three coupons, but they flew out the window. Is there anything you can do for me?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, without the actual coupons there’s nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’ve been driving thirty or forty minutes to get there!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “You are so rude! Is there a corporate number I can complain too.”

    Me: “You can go on our website and file a complaint.”

    Caller: “Well, can I complain to you?”

    Me: “You already are.”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 7

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, [Cake Shop], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah hi, do you have cake boxes?”

    Me: “Like the ones we put the sold cakes into?”

    Caller: “Yeah, but do you have just plain coloured ones?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we only have ones with the company’s logo on it.”

    Caller: “Well, can you order one? I told my friend that I got a special cake shop to make the cake, but I made it, and all I need is a plain box.”

    Me: “Sorry, we can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Okay then, I’ll just get the one with a logo. Can you mail it?”

    Me: “No, that’s not store policy. Customers have to collect it themselves.”

    Caller: “Well, then just fax it to me.” *tells me his number – and before I can respond* “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 6
    Taxing Faxing, Part 5
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

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