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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    She’s Nuts About Her Husband

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “Do these cookies contain nuts?”

    Me: “Which cookie are you thinking about?”

    Customer: “The toffee nut cookies.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

    Customer: “I’ll take one.”

    (After a few minutes, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “What kind of nuts do those cookies contain?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

    Customer: “Oh, my husband is deathly allergic to those.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can call 911 or direct you to the nearest hospital.”

    Customer: “Oh, I know where it is, but first, I want to get a sandwich to go…”

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    Try Our New Three Slice Pizza

    , | Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who is ordering a pizza.)

    Customer: “How many slices come in a large pizza?”

    Me: “The large comes with 12 slices.”

    Customer: “Ok, I will take a large pizza, but can you cut it into 8 slices instead? I couldn’t possibly eat 12 slices.”

    The Land Of The Free And Home Of The Portable Umbrella

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am clearing off the tables on the deck of the restaurant because it has just started raining. Most people have moved inside.)

    Customer: “Are you guys kicking us off the deck?”

    Me: “No, sir, you are welcome to stay out here as long as you wish.”

    Customer: “In that case, can you move one of the tables with the umbrellas so they cover my wife?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the tables are bolted down to the deck and I can’t move them.”

    Customer: “The tables…they don’t move? But this is America!”

    Sanguine Mealtime Entertainment

    | Rockville, MD, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any crayons?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, we are all out and our shipment doesn’t come in until Tuesday.”

    Customer: “Well what is my child supposed to color with?! Her blood?”

    An Ate For Two Special

    | Fort Lee, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have one Penne Milano.”

    Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can get you?”

    Customer: “One should be enough to feed eight people, right?”

    Me: “No, unfortunately. At most, it could feed two.”

    Customer: “Well, how can I make it feed eight?”

    Me: “Perhaps you can order more than one?”

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