Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,681 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    I Now Pronounce You Employed

    | Michigan, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello sir, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Hi, are you hiring?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. This is a family-run business. Is there something you wanted to eat?”

    Customer: “No. I wanted a job.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we cannot hire you. If you don’t want anything to eat, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We are very busy today.”

    (The customer leaves, frustrated. Not 10 minutes later, he returns.)

    Me: “Hello again, do you want something to eat now?”

    (The customer gets down on one knee.)

    Customer: “Will you marry me?”

    Me: “Sir, please stand up.”

    (Whole shop applauds.)

    Customer: “Please? It’s my only hope of getting a job!”

    Bread And Prejudice

    | Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion

    Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

    Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

    Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

    Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

    Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

    Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

    (At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

    Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

    Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”

    Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”

    Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”

    Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”

    Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

    Time Waits For No Ham

    | Pittsburgh, PA,USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a gas station that offers made-to-order sandwiches. A customer uses a computer to place their order and gets an order number that is called once their sandwich is made).

    Customer: “I’m here for my ham sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay. What is your order number?”

    Customer: “Here, it’s 433. I know I’m a few minutes late.”

    Me: “Sir, that order was ready three hours ago. We threw it away when it sat for half an hour.”

    Customer: “But it’s only 4:40. It has only been 7 minutes.”

    Me: “That is your order number, not the time you are suppose to pick up your order.”

    Customer: “Oh, I was wondering why the time didn’t have the dots between the hour and minutes!”

    Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber

    | New Brunswick, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (A couple in a car comes through the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”

    Customer: “Alright, thanks.”

    (The customer drives away, and comes back 15 minutes later.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”


    Page 220/235First...218219220221222...Last