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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Deliver Us From Stupidity

    | Dundee, UK | Food & Drink

    Caller: “Hello, I was wanting a delivery to [address]. Can I get two roast beef sandwiches?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t actually do deliveries.”

    Caller: “Liar! Why would you even have a phone number in the first place then?”

    Stretched Pennies Stretch The Budget

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at the food court at a zoo. After one customer gives an order, their total comes to $10.26. They fish out a 10 dollar bill and a quarter, and continue to look for a penny.)

    Me: “Oh, that’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “You sure? I know I have a penny in here somewhere, I’d rather just give you that.”

    Me: “Oh, okay then.”

    (The customer pulls out a penny that has been in a Press A Penny machine, machines that we have around the zoo that flatten, shape, and add an animal imprint design to pennies.)

    Customer: “Here you are.”

    Me: “Well thank you, but you realize you can’t use this penny, right?”

    Customer: “What? Why not?”

    Me: “It’s not valid anymore. But really, it’s fine if you’re one cent short.”

    Customer: “It’s not about that! It’s about why you’re all too good for my money!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take it, but it’s not–”

    Customer: “Is it because I’m [ethnicity]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Then tell me what it is! The real reason!”

    Me: “Um…” *I look at the penny* “Oh! Yeah, this penny is valid. Sorry, I mistook it for something, uh, else.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *walking off* “Some people these days!”

    Stupidity In Bloom

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have run out of sandwiches that had meat and are only left with garden/veggie burgers.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a veggie burger, so there’s no meat in it. We call it a garden burger here.”

    Customer: “Garden burger? So there are flowers in there?”

    Half Past Wine

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink

    (It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

    Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

    Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

    Me: “How long ago was that?”

    Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

    Excess Of XY

    | Hilton, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, My name is Randi, I’ll be taking your order tonight.”

    Old man: “Randi? That’s a boy’s name.”

    Me: “No, it’s spelled with a ‘Y’. Mine is spelled with an ‘I’. I’m a girl.”

    Old woman: “Leave her alone, maybe she’s both! They have those nowadays.”


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