Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • The True Appliance Of Science
    (1,626 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Willy Always Was A Bit Wonky

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like an oompa loompa.”

    Me: “Oompa loompa?”

    Customer: “Yes, one of those caramel apple oompa loompas!”

    Me: “Do you mean an empinada?”

    Customer: “That’s exactly what I said.”

    Talking Turkey Results In Mass Deviations

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    Customer: “I want a turkey, but I’m not sure how large.”

    Me: “Well, how many people are you having over?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe seven.”

    Me: “How about a ten to twelve pound turkey?”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.”

    Me: “Well, then how about a twelve to fourteen pound turkey?”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s too big.”

    (We go back and forth like this for ten minutes or so until the customer decides on a fourteen pound turkey. The customer behind her asks for and gets an 18 pound turkey which has a $10 off sticker on it.)

    Customer: “How come that turkey’s $10 off? I want $10 off for my turkey.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s for turkeys that are at least sixteen pounds. Turkeys less than sixteen pounds are $5 off.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a turkey that’s that big. Don’t you have a sixteen pound turkey that’s only fourteen pounds?”

    Must Be Really Hungry

    , | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager it will go off as soon as the table is set.”

    Customer: “Ok, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”

    Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”

    Customer: “Alright, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”

    Me: *pause* “Please…just…don’t.”

    Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

    | Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

    Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

    Customer #2: “Um…what?”

    Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

    Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”


    Page 214/241First...212213214215216...Last