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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Give Me Whatever Moos

    | TVM, Kerala, India | Food & Drink

    (Note: most of our customers on our home-delivery call number are tourists, foreigners, or upper-class residents who speak in English.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today? Would you like to hear about our specials?”

    Customer: “Um, let me think. No?”

    Me: “That’s quite fine. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “One stir-fried peas and three butter pattora please.”

    Me: “Okay, one order of stir-fried peas and three butter parrota. Can I have–”

    Customer: Not peas. It’s stir-fried peas.”

    Me: “That is one stir-fried peas, right?”

    Customer: “No! It’s PEAS! PEA-SEF!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m hearing stir-fried peas: P as in potato, E as in eclairs, A as in apple, and S as in suga–”

    Customer: “No! No! Moooo!”

    Me: “What’s that, ma’am? I didn’t hear you.”

    Customer: “MOO! MOOOO!”

    Me: “Oh! You mean beef. Sorry about that, ma’am. So, one order of stir-fried beef and three butter parrota. Are we good?”

    Customer: “Ha! yes! Stir-fried pea-sef! *gives address*

    Me: “Alrighty, we’ll have it delivered in 15-minutes. Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “MOO! I will!” *click*

    Fried Brain Fried Cakes

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in the kosher deli section of a supermarket.)

    Customer: “I need ten potato pancakes, please.”

    (There are only four potato pancakes in the display case. I check the cooler, but there are no more in there.)

    Me: “Please excuse me, ma’am, but we only have four potato pancakes right now. I’m going to call my manager to see if we have any more in the back.”

    (I call my manager. Unfortunately, the four potato pancakes in my case are the only ones in the store. We are all out. I relay this fact to the customer.)

    Customer: “Could you please make some more? We have company coming over later and I need at least ten potato pancakes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t make the potato pancakes here. We buy them pre-made from another company and we don’t have any more in stock right now.”

    Customer: “But can’t you just go in the back and make some more?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. As I said, we don’t make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company.”

    Customer: “I understand that, but can’t you just make more?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. We buy them pre-made. We don’t make them here.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I get that, but why won’t you just make more?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company. I don’t have a kitchen in the back because there is no in-back for this section, and even if there was, I don’t have the ingredients.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know, but why won’t you make more of them?”

    (At this point, the customer’s husband walks up.)

    Husband: “What’s going on?”

    Customer: “He’ll only sell me those four pancakes in the case. He won’t make any more!”

    Husband: “Why won’t you make any more?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry, but as I explained to your wife, we do not make the potato pancakes here in the store. We buy them pre-made from another company. We’re actually not allowed to cook any hot food in this section, as it would be a health code violation.”

    Customer: “I know that, but why won’t you make more?”

    (The customer’s husband looks at her like she’s crazy.)

    Husband: “Honey, they buy the potato pancakes already made from somewhere else. They don’t cook them here.”

    Customer: “I know that! Why won’t they make more?!”

    Husband: “Honey, shut up.” *turns to me* “I’m very sorry. Can we just have the four potato pancakes in the display?”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir.”

    Do Unto Others

    , | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

    Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

    Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

    (The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

    Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

    Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

    Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

    Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

    Not A Drop To Drink

    | England, UK | Food & Drink

    (I’m manning the box office. I get a call from a customer who has received a free drink voucher that we send out to new customers as a welcome gift.)

    Me: “Good morning, [concert hall]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m offended that you sent me a free drinks voucher in the post.”

    Me: “You are? I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m an alcoholic and I can’t drink anything.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. The voucher is also valid for our range of soft drinks available as well as fresh coffee and tea–”

    Customer: “I can’t drink anything.”

    Me: “Anything at all?”

    Customer: *shouting* “Anything!”

    Me: “Not even juice, or water?”

    Customer: “Anything! A-ny-thing!”

    (I decide not to argue with him further and apologize for sending him the voucher.)

    As Thick As Pea Soup

    | Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was calling because I am having some troubles.”

    Me: “And what troubles are you having?”

    Customer: “I don’t know how much water goes into my soup.”

    (I’m about to tell her she can’t call us for stuff like this, until I realize it would be so much easier to just help her.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are there directions anywhere on the side?”

    Customer: “Oh, right.” *hangs up*

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