Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,123 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    An Empty Compliment Deserves An Empty Stomach

    | Brisbane, Australia | Food & Drink

    (I am working one day I am serving a man in his late 60′s.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, hello! I like your hair!”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, thank you!”

    Customer: *beaming* “Just kidding!”

    Carpal Cola, Please

    , | Parkersburg, WV, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the register at a college cafeteria when a girl about my age walks up. She has a cast wrapped around her hand and wrist.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I broke my hand. Can I get a free bottle of pop?”

    Me: “Um, I can ask my manager.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I go to the back office and tell my manager what just happened. He’s a really nice guy, but in this situation he just looks at me in disbelief and says no. I go back out to the register.)

    Me: “Sorry, my manager says no.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *laughs* “It was worth a try!”

    The Freudian Drive-thru

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (This is an ice cream shop with a drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, two burgers with bacon.”

    Me: “Sir, we actually don’t have burgers…just ice cream.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer looks up to see the burger chain next door.)

    Customer: “How did I end up in this line?!”

    Keep That Mustache To Yourself

    | Miramar Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am a hostess at a rather upscale restaurant. A couple walks in and the man has a particularly impressive handlebar mustache. I usually chat with guests while I’m seating them.)

    Me: “So, [server] is your server tonight. She’ll be taking great care of you.”

    Customer: “Can [server] give us a good discount?”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sure if you take it up with her she’ll consider it. You might want to twist that ‘stache in a debonair fashion to convince her.”

    Customer: “I can offer a mustache ride.”

    Me: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

    Girlfriend: “Thank you.”

    When Life Gives You Melons

    | Plattsburgh, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (This conversation takes place as I approach a table where a woman is sitting with a menu across from her.)

    Me: “Hi, how’re you doing?”

    Customer: “We’ll take two water lemons. No, watermelons! No, wait, lemon waters!”

    Me: *struggling not to laugh* “Alright, ma’am, I’ll be right back with two lemon waters.”

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