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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Rare, Medium, And Free

    | Covington, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (This occurs on a very slow day. I’m the only person working the cafeteria and register.)

    Customer: “I finally found a decent meal down here!”

    (She proceeds to show me her tray. It consists of various food items and drinks, one if which is a burnt pork chop. I ring her up anyway, as the customers serve themselves.)

    Customer: *looking at the receipt* “You charged me $1.90 for that pork chop?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s the price of the pork chops.”

    Customer: “But it’s burnt.”

    Me: “If you don’t want that one, you can pick another.”

    Customer: “No, I wanted it burnt. I like my pork chops cooked really well. Can’t you give it to me for free?”

    Me: “You want a free pork chop because it’s burnt, but you wanted it burnt?”

    Customer: “I told you, I like my pork chops burnt!”

    Me: “Yeah, I can’t not charge you for the food if you’re still going to eat it.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This cafeteria is just trying to rip us all off!”

    Judge Me Not By The Color Of My Liquor

    | Manchester, UK | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Could I have a vodka and lemonade, and a whisky and cola?

    Me: “Yes, sir, coming right up!”

    (I make the drinks and place them in front of him.)

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “No, thanks, but which one is which?”

    You Can’t Have Their Cake And Eat It Too

    | USA | Food & Drink

    (A family is holding a small birthday party. They bring their own cake and ask me to bring the birthday cake out with their ordered dishes. Now, I’m serving another group of customers.)

    Customer: *points to birthday group* “Can we have what they got?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The dishes are prepared and I bring them out to the table.)

    Customer: “You missed the cake.”

    Me: “That was their birthday cake. It isn’t on our menu.”

    Customer: “But you brought it out to them.”

    Me: “Yes, because it was theirs to begin with.”

    Customer: “So, can I have one too?”

    Me: “It isn’t ours. They got it elsewhere.”

    Customer: “I asked for everything they have.”

    Me: “We do not have the cake. It was their own.”

    Customer: “But I want one!”

    (This continues for several minutes, but they aren’t satisfied.)

    Me: *giving up* “Sorry, we are sold out of cakes.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say so?!”

    An Empty Compliment Deserves An Empty Stomach

    | Brisbane, Australia | Food & Drink

    (I am working one day I am serving a man in his late 60′s.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, hello! I like your hair!”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, thank you!”

    Customer: *beaming* “Just kidding!”

    Carpal Cola, Please

    , | Parkersburg, WV, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the register at a college cafeteria when a girl about my age walks up. She has a cast wrapped around her hand and wrist.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I broke my hand. Can I get a free bottle of pop?”

    Me: “Um, I can ask my manager.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I go to the back office and tell my manager what just happened. He’s a really nice guy, but in this situation he just looks at me in disbelief and says no. I go back out to the register.)

    Me: “Sorry, my manager says no.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *laughs* “It was worth a try!”

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