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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Can’t Spell Without Without With, Part 2

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place while the customer is ordering at the drive-through speaker.)

    Customer: “I want a [popular combo].”

    Me: “What kind of drink?”

    Customer: “No drink.”

    Me: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “No, I also want a Dr. Pepper on the side.”

    Related:
    Can’t Spell Without Without With

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 3

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

    Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

    Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

    Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

    Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

    Related:
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

    Food In, Baby Out

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

    Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

    Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

    Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

    Caller: “Only my two year old.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

    (It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)

    S-T-U-P-I-D

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink

    (A woman, about 40 years old, is looking at all our different food and drink items on a list on our front window.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, uh…what’s j-u-i-c-e?”

    Me: *pause* “Er, that’s juice.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (Stands there apparently thinking for about 10 seconds.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Never mind!” *walks away*

    No Sudden Gender Changes, Please

    , | Washington, USA | Food & Drink

    (Another employee and I are working the drive-thru and we both are able to talk to customers at the speaker box.)

    Male coworker: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll take a number two and a number seven.”

    (At this point, my coworker has to talk to another customer, so I finish talking to the customer. I am a woman.)

    Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

    Customer: “Wh-What happened to the MAN I was talking to?”

    Me: “I’m sorry… he was helping another customer for a moment. Did you not want to talk to me?”

    Customer: “That’s just rude and confusing for the customer!”

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