• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Someone Is Telling Porkies

    | Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

    Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

    Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

    Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

    Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

    Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

    My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

    (The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

    Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

    The Bark Tastes Worse With A Bite

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our restaurant serves salmon grilled on a cedar plank.)

    Me: “Here is your cedar salmon. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No. But can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Customer: “Can I eat the wood?”

    All You Can Eat, Not You Can Eat All

    | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a buffet restaurant, mostly serving pizza. The customers pay at the register when they come in.)

    Customer: “Can I get a to-go box for my leftovers?”

    Me: “Well, you have to pay extra for anything you want to take with you.”

    Customer: “Why? I already paid at the door when I came in so this is my pizza on the table. Why do I have to pay more for it?”

    Me: “Because the buffet price is only for what you eat here. We can’t afford for people to eat here and take food home with them for another meal.”

    Customer: “I’m not stealing if that’s what you’re trying to say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you full? Are you finished eating?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Then you have had all you can eat. That’s all you paid for.”

    You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No, Part 2

    | Okemos, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My coworker is taking drive-thru orders, and I’m filling them.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [cafe]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large iced mocha latte, please.”

    Coworker: “Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

    (The customer is given the drink, but sends it back through the window.)

    Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted the hot mocha latte.”

    Coworker: “Well, you did say the iced mocha latte. We’ll fix it for you though.”

    Customer: “Oh. So when you say iced, it doesn’t mean the hot one?”

    You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No

    Pretty Fly For A Strange Guy

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, look what I found in my drink.”

    (He holds a dead fly up. I have no idea how it got in his drink, but I’m mortified.)

    Me: “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Let me find my manager for you.”

    Customer: “Nah, it’s okay. I drank it all and it’s no big deal.” *laughs*

    Me: “That’s really nice of you, sir, but I do want to tell my manager about it. This sort of thing is not supposed to happen.”

    (The customer keeps holding the fly in his hand. I go looking for my manager but can’t find him. I don’t want to keep the customer waiting for their check forever, so I go back to the table.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find him, but as soon as I see him I’ll make sure to tell him about this. But here’s a coupon for your next visit, and I took the drinks off your check.”

    Customer: *smiling* “Thanks! But really, it’s no big deal. It’s kind of funny. Hey, look who’s not dead after all?” *holds up the fly, which is now squirming* “Ain’t he cute?”

    (He suddenly smashes the fly on the table, wipes his now fly-gut covered hand on my apron, and leaves.)

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