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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?

    Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?”

    Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.”

    Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “6:00 am, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *long pause* “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was this high when I left the house!”

    You Can’t Have Your Cake And Believe It Too

    | Adelaide, Australia | Food & Drink

    (A customer walks into the shop and starts looking at our cakes.)

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at a carrot and walnut cake*

    Coworker: “No, that’s a carrot cake. We have cheesecake right over here.”

    (I show the customer the cheesecake.)

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, but returns ten minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “That’s cheesecake?” *points at the carrot cake again*

    Me: “No, sorry. That’s a carrot cake.”

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at another cake*

    Me: “No, that’s an orange and coconut cake. The cheesecake’s here.”

    (I show her the cheesecake, once again.)

    Customer: *incredulously*That’s cheesecake?!”

    (She eventually buys the cheesecake, but only after it taking a while to convince her it is actually cheesecake!)

    The Fine Wine Between Pleasure And Pain

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pain Management of Hamilton County. This is Pat, are you a new or existing patient?”

    Caller: “This isn’t Branchville Winery?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is Pain Management of Hamilton County.”

    Caller: “I guess I’m looking for a different kind of pain management…”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 3

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a server at an Italian restaurant. I approach a table where my guest is pointing at a moderately-priced item on our wine list.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Welcome to [restaurant]. Can I answer any questions about the wine menu?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was gonna ask if you had any wines from Venice, but then I realized there’s no dirt there!”

    Related:
    Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 2
    Getting To The Root Of The Problem

    Sauce For The Saucy

    | Washington, DC, USA | Food & Drink

    (At our take-out counter, we frequently have people order online and pay by credit card before they arrive. Once in a while, someone forgets they still have to sign the receipt when they get there.)

    Caller: “Yes, hello, I’d like to speak to a manager. I have a take-out complaint.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I work at take-out; what seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “I just came and picked up my order, and it isn’t right at all!”

    Me: “Oh, yes. You came in just a moment ago, grabbed the bag on the counter, and left?”

    Caller: “Yes, and I already paid for it.”

    Me: “True, but that bag wasn’t yours. Sir, that bag was full of our spare packets of soy sauce.”

    Caller: “Oh. I was wondering why you gave me so much of the stuff.”

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