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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    No Sudden Gender Changes, Please

    , | Washington, USA | Food & Drink

    (Another employee and I are working the drive-thru and we both are able to talk to customers at the speaker box.)

    Male coworker: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll take a number two and a number seven.”

    (At this point, my coworker has to talk to another customer, so I finish talking to the customer. I am a woman.)

    Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

    Customer: “Wh-What happened to the MAN I was talking to?”

    Me: “I’m sorry… he was helping another customer for a moment. Did you not want to talk to me?”

    Customer: “That’s just rude and confusing for the customer!”

    Involuntarily Voluntary Or Voluntarily Involuntary

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (This happens to me while I am working as a cashier at a popular fast food place. A big, stereotypical jock teen in a football sweater comes up to my till.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like two apple pies, please.”

    Me: “Sure, hang on a second.”

    (I ring up the order and gives him the pies.)

    Customer: “There’s something wrong…”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I s*** my pants.”

    Me: *shocked* “Wait, what?”

    Customer: “I S*** MY PANTS!” *continues screaming and walks out of the store*

    Always Exorcise Before Eating

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m serving a lady who has come in with her two grandsons. While they are waiting for their food to come from the
    kitchen, she flags me down.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could I have another glass of water?”

    Me: “Sure! I’ll bring that right over for you.”

    (I walk over to the waitress’ station, get her a glass of water, and bring it back.)

    Customer: *in a creepy, fake child’s voice* “Thank you, mommy!”

    (I walk away as quickly as possible. Even her grandsons look confused. For the rest of the night, though, she acts completely normal, as if nothing happened.)

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2

    | Liverpool, UK | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (When a customer orders water at our restaurant, it shows up on their receipts as H2O.)

    Customer: *loudly* “I think you’ve given me the wrong bill. You’ve charged me for H2O. I only had water!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “I want a refund. I’m not paying for something that I didn’t even have!”

    (She carries on ranting for a couple of minutes until her friend points out to her in a surprisingly calm way that H2O is water.)

    Customer: “Oh, is it?! I thought that was juice!” *slinks out looking embarrassed*

    Related:
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

    Some Concepts, Like Squid, Are Slippery

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like your grilled calamari salad, please. Also, I’d like to substitute the calamari for squid.”

    Me: “Sir, calamari is Italian for squid.”

    Customer: “No, no, I know the difference. Squid have tentacles, so I want that instead.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir.”

    (I end up having the kitchen make the salad as usual, much to the customer’s satisfaction.)

    Me: “Here is your grilled squid salad, sir!”

    Customer: “See, that wasn’t too hard! Thank you!”

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