Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,884 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Talking Turkey Results In Mass Deviations

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    Customer: “I want a turkey, but I’m not sure how large.”

    Me: “Well, how many people are you having over?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe seven.”

    Me: “How about a ten to twelve pound turkey?”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.”

    Me: “Well, then how about a twelve to fourteen pound turkey?”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s too big.”

    (We go back and forth like this for ten minutes or so until the customer decides on a fourteen pound turkey. The customer behind her asks for and gets an 18 pound turkey which has a $10 off sticker on it.)

    Customer: “How come that turkey’s $10 off? I want $10 off for my turkey.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s for turkeys that are at least sixteen pounds. Turkeys less than sixteen pounds are $5 off.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a turkey that’s that big. Don’t you have a sixteen pound turkey that’s only fourteen pounds?”

    Must Be Really Hungry

    , | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager it will go off as soon as the table is set.”

    Customer: “Ok, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”

    Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”

    Customer: “Alright, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”

    Me: *pause* “Please…just…don’t.”

    Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

    | Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

    Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

    Customer #2: “Um…what?”

    Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

    Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind

    | Lebanon, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a pizza place that is within walking distance of my house. Our house number and the number for the restaurant are identical except that two numbers were swapped, so occasionally people accidentally call my house number. It is a Sunday, which is the one day the restaurant is closed.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Yes, hi. Can I get two large pepperoni–”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, you have the wrong number. [Restaurant] is clo-”

    Caller: “No, this is [restaurant]! I recognize your voice! Don’t lie to me!”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, because I work there. But this is my house number, and it’s my day off because [restaurant] is closed today. If you call the right number–”

    Caller: “No, you’re not closed today! Now put in my f***ing order!”

    (I hang up on the guy because I do not like his attitude. He calls again, and I answer, this time with my dad listening in from the other room.)

    Caller: “You hung up on me!”

    Me: “Yes sir, I did. You have the wrong number, and the restaurant is closed.

    Caller: “Get me the owner! I’m having you fired!”

    Me: “Sir, he does not live with me and therefore I cannot.”

    Caller: “You stupid b****! Who the f*** do you think you are!?”

    (The guy starts screaming obscenities. My dad has been listening in and has had enough.)

    Dad: “Sir, if you’ve got a problem, you’re going to have to deal with me!”

    Caller: “Is this the manager?! Great! I want–”

    Dad: “No, this is her father. This is a private residence and I don’t want you calling here again. And if you have a problem with that, I want you to say it to my face.”

    Caller: “Fine! I’ll be right there!” *click*

    (The guy drives out to the restaurant, where my dad decides to wait for him outside. My father is 6’6″ and weighs nearly 300 lbs. I see the guy pull up to see my dad and the closed sign right behind where he is standing. His face turns completely white and he jumps back in his car and speeds off. When I go back to work the next day, the guy comes in for an order. He leaves a note of apology and a $20 tip in the tip jar.)


    Page 207/234First...205206207208209...Last