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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Can’t Do ‘Without’

    | Coquitlam, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I’ve had a lengthy day and am fairly tired as I approach the snack bar at a movie theatre. I’m thinking that I’d like popcorn without butter, but for some reason my mind has forgotten the word ‘without’ and I can only think ‘unbutter popcorn.’ I know that’s ridiculous and I’m still trying to straighten out my thoughts as the server/cashier comes up.)

    Her: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

    Me: “Oh, just butter.”

    Off-Color Customer

    | AZ, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (I am changing out the coffee urns by the entrance when this exchange happens. It’s a very slow part of the day so the restaurant is empty but for one person.)

    Customer: “Hey, where do I order a sandwich?”

    Me: *pointing to the counter not 15 feet away where the only other customer is ordering* “Right over there, sir.”

    Customer: “Where? I don’t see it.”

    Me: “Just give your order to that employee right there.”

    Customer: “Who? Do I order with you?”

    Me: “…no. That guy standing behind the counter right there.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: *pointing* “Okay, do you see that large sign suspended from the ceiling that says ‘Order Sandwiches Here’?”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: *pointing again* “Do you see those two people standing right there? It’s just above them. Just walk over there.”

    Customer: *looking directly at them* “I don’t get it. Where’s the sign?”

    Me: “Sir, just walk over to where that other customer is standing and the employee will take your order next.”

    Customer: *staring in that direction* “Who?”

    Me: *starting to wonder if his eyesight is very bad* “Sir, do you see that person standing at the counter right there?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean that BLACK GUY? He’s a customer?!”

    (This was loud enough that the other customer heard and turned around.)

    Me: “….yeeeahhh. He’s at the front of the line. Just go over there and stand behind him.”

    (The customer still looked confused, and still seemed to have some trouble finding it as he wandered over. I apologized to the other customer as he was leaving, while my poor coworker had a deer-in -the-headlights look while he was trying to get the other guy’s order (which took over five minutes). Thank goodness he came in while it was slow!)

    Smooth Out The Allergy Situation

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

    (She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

    (She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

    Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

    (She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

    Dairy Drama Queen

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work part-time in the kitchen of a small bistro, where we sell homemade sandwiches amongst other things. We have lots of vegan options since it’s become very popular in our college town, and my boss makes sure all kitchen staff knows exactly what’s in the vegan foods if customers ask. This happens as I spend my day off sitting in the bistro next to the counter doing homework.)

    Customer: ”You rang up my veggie sandwich as 4€! It says 3.80€ on the tag.”

    Server: ”I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted the vegan sandwich, not the veggie sandwich. The vegan is 4€. I can change it if you want.”

    Customer: ”No, I want vegan! Why is vegan more expensive? It has the same vegetables on it!”

    Server: *being a new worker, she doesn’t know the entire selection yet* ”[My Name]? Do you know why the vegan is more expensive?”

    Me: *to the customer* ”The vegetarian sandwich has a cream cheese spread from [Local Producer]. The vegan spread is actually made by our kitchen, with tofu instead of cream cheese, and different ingredients than the veggie one.”

    Customer: ”Hmpf! Well, you should make all your spreads yourself if you want to make sure they’re vegetarian!”

    Me: ”Ma’am, [Local Producer] ONLY makes vegetarian food. They’re well known for it. Also, if we made all the spreads ourselves, all of the sandwiches would be more expensive.”

    Customer: ”Whatever. I’ll take the vegan one. Wait! Is it lactose-free?! I’m lactose-intolerant.”

    Me: ”Vegan always means lactose-free. There’s absolutely no dairy in vegan food.”

    Customer: ”How would you know?!”

    Me: ”I work in the kitchen. I made the spread on the sandwich you’re buying. I know exactly what I put into it, and there was no dairy involved.”

    Customer: ”Well, you’re not at work now! How am I supposed to trust that?!”

    This Customer Is Soda-pressing

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am a barista at a famous, internationally known coffee shop and working at the cash register. The company at the moment only sells coffee-related drinks, ‘frappuccinos,’ teas, and other caffeine/coffee related products for drinks.)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! And what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a ham artisan sandwich.”

    Me: “All right, and anything to drink?

    Customer: “And I want a diet [Soda].”

    Me: *thinking that I misheard her* “I’m sorry, ma’am, what did you say?”

    Customer: “I SAID I want a diet [Soda].”

    Me: “Oh, um, I’m sorry, ma’am; we don’t… carry that here.”

    Customer: *looks at me with both eyebrows raised, incredulously* “You don’t carry soda?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: *throws her head back, scoffing* “That’s ridiculous! Fine, then I’ll just have a…” *looks at the menu* “I’ll just have a coffee then.”

    Me: “All right, just a coffee? Would you like the medium blend? Or a different brew?” *we have a light, medium, dark, and decaf at the ready right behind me*

    Customer: *scoffs again* “Just a coffee! Whatever!”

    Me: “All right, one medium coffee. Anything else?”

    Customer: “That’s all!” *she looks at her friend/coworker the whole time as if this was all a tiring exchange*

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