Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Bigotry Is Not On The Menu

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink

(A few years ago I was working as a hostess in a restaurant. One night, two men come in and ask for a table. I lead them to an available one.)

Older Man: “We can’t sit at this table.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Is there something wrong?”

Older Man: “We just can’t sit here; move us somewhere else.”

(I’m confused, as the table I was seating them at was actually our most popular one. I start walking toward a manager to ask where I should move them, when the two young, clean, nicely-dressed men at the next table happen to get up to leave.)

Older Man: “It’s okay! We can sit here now!”

(I realize this guy assumed the two young men were gay, and could apparently not eat in their vicinity. I relate what happened to my (gay) manager and the (straight) server.)

Manager: “[Server], you’re only allowed to talk to these guys as if you’re the gayest person on this planet.”

(I will never forget the look of horror on the men’s faces when the server, a huge, beefy black man, started telling them the specials while sounding like a drag queen.)

I Scream For A Crouton

| Cambridge, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a coffee shop inside a bookshop. It is always very quiet in there and we are rarely very busy but the shop is popular with mothers and young children. There are two parents with their two young daughters. The girls are chatting amongst themselves but not being especially obtrusive. Two older ladies approach me at the counter.)

Old Lady #1: “Two mushroom soups, please,”

(I begin dishing up and the second old lady goes to get spoons from the stand which is about six feet away from the counter.)

Old Lady #1: “Those little ones are being awfully loud aren’t they? We came here for a bit of peace and quiet.”

Me: “I am sorry, Madam, but they’re only wee, and they don’t seem to be bothering anyone else. Now, would you like croutons with your soup?”

Old Lady #1: “Well, I certainly would and er… Hang on a tick dear—” *at the top of her voice* “MARTHA! MARTHA!”

(Old Lady #2 doesn’t react.)

Old Lady #1: *even louder* “MARTHA!”

Old Lady #2: *turns around* “WHAT?!”

Old Lady #1: “DO YOU WANT CROUTONS?!”

Old Lady #2: “WHAT?”

Old Lady #1: “CROUTONS, MARTHA!”

A Cup Is Over-Full Kind Of Person

, | Oakville, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We sell catering boxes of 15, 25, or 50 cups of frozen yoghurt, that customers can order for events. While the cups we offer in-store are 16 oz. or 25 oz., the cups we use for the catering boxes are much smaller at 6 oz. Therefore, when telling customers about the catering boxes, we have to make sure to mention this. I am helping a woman who is thinking of buying the 25-cup box.)

Customer: “So, does the yogurt come in these cups?”

Me: “No, for the catering boxes it comes in smaller, 6 oz. cups. I’ll show you.”

(I fetch a cup and show it to her. It is only a couple inches high and a little over twice as wide.)

Customer: “And that’s supposed to feed 25 people?!”

Me: “…One per person.”

(Pause…)

Customer: “OHHH.”

(Many people feel that size of cup isn’t big enough even for one person. I found it hilarious that she thought we expected one of them to be used by 25 people!)

My Father The Zero

| USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I only see my dad once a year, as he lives out of state. We are out to eat with my step-mom and her kids. We order food and everything turns out perfect. My dad is always trying to get a free meal. He is quite large and is a very scary looking man.)

Waiter: “How is everything?”

Dad: “Well, our food came too quick! We could not even enjoy ourselves, the grits didn’t taste like they normally do, and I’m sure my family had something wrong with their dishes, too.”

(Right on cue, the rest of my dad’s family started to make stuff up about what was wrong with their dishes.)

Dad: “[My Name], how was your food?”

Me: “It was perfect!”

(The waiter, who looks over-stressed, smiles at me in thanks.)

Waiter: “Well, I will call my manager over and tell him.”

(The manager comes back.)

Manager: “I am sorry, sir, I can only offer you 15% off of your order, as you have done this before.”

(My dad then starts slamming his fists on the table and screaming about how he was in the army and how he should get his meal free, then screams at the waiter and calls him names.)

Waiter: *starts crying*

Dad: “Oh, look at the cry baby! Be a real man!”

Me: “Dad, shut the h*** up! For one, you were not in the army, you were in the navy, which you got kicked out of! Plus you even said the food was great!”

(My dad got mad at me, but he bullied the manager into getting his meal for free. I gave the waiter a ten dollar tip to tell him I was sorry. I saw how much of a bully my dad really is, and now I barely talk to him.)

Their IQ Has Been Frozen For A While

| LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer #1: “Oh, you have frozen margaritas?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Let’s get some of those!”

Customer #2: “Frozen? No, you know I only do fresh. That applies to booze, too!”

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