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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Ruining It For Everyone

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]! How many?”

    Customer: “Two. And we’re vegetarian.”

    Me: “You’re in luck, ma’am, we have some excellent vegetarian dishes.”

    (I seat the customers and head back to my spot. A few minutes later, the woman storms up to me.)

    Customer: ”I said I was vegetarian!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: ”The people in the booth next to me are eating meat!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to stop selling meat products to other customers just because you won’t eat them.”

    Customer: “But I’m vegetarian!”

    Brains Over Brawn

    | Germany | Food & Drink

    (I work as a patient coordinator in an outpatient clinic. In our waiting room, we have a coffee machine that has three options on it: mild, regular, and bold. To use it, one simply opens up the compartment and places a single packet on the tray.)

    Coworker: “There’s coffee everywhere in the waiting room!”

    (I go to check it out. There is coffee all in the general area, on a patient, who is unhurt, and all of her papers. I ask the patient what happened)

    Patient: “Your coffee machine is terrible; that’s what happened! Your coffee is so weak and I tried to make it stronger! Then, it shot coffee everywhere!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that! Let me see what I can do.”

    (I open the coffee machine to see that the patient has shoved two coffee packets in the compartment, which clearly is supposed to take one. It’s a wonder the machine didn’t break.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you place two coffee packets in the compartment?”

    Patient: “Of course! How else can I make it stronger?”

    Me: *noticing the “Mild” option is selected* “Next time, please press the button that says ‘Bold’.”

    Related:
    Brawn Over Brains

    It’s The Secret Sauce

    | Orem, UT, USA | Food & Drink

    (I take to-go orders over the phone. This was a call from one of our daily customers.)

    Customer: “I was also wondering if you had areola sauce.”

    Me: “Um…sorry. What was that?”

    Customer: “Areola sauce! Someone’s asking for it.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh*

    (In the background, someone yells and everyone starts laughing.)

    Customer: “Oh God! Is that what I said? Well, s***. That’s definitely not what I want.”

    (After nearly ten minutes of laughing and getting nowhere in their order, the phone gets passed around until someone can stop laughing long enough to talk. I gave them some free dessert for making my week.)

    Papa’s Not Home

    , | Niceville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place between my manager and a customer over the phone.)

    Caller: “Hey, is John there?”

    Manager: “Sorry sir, this is [pizza place]. There’s no John here.”

    Caller: “Stop playin’, John, we’re supposed to go to the movies soon.”

    Manager: “Sir, seriously, this is [pizza place]. I think you may have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Well, crap! Do y’all have any deals?”

    Manager: “Well, you can get a large 3 topping and a 2-liter for $10.60.”

    Caller: “D***, that’s better than John!”

    Manager: “Yes, sir, it sure is.”

    Supply And Demand For Dummies

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do have any more [brand name] chicken noodle soup mix?

    (The shelf is empty, so I look around to see if we have any hidden on the shelf.)

    Me: “There is none here. Let me go check the backroom.”

    (I go check and come back a few minutes later)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not have any left.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Who runs out of chicken noodle soup in the middle of winter?”

    Me: “Well, it is the middle of winter…”

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