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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Check For Nerve Damage

    | New York, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer orders a cold drink and a hot drink.)

    Me: “Here’s your first drink.”

    Customer: “Is this the hot or cold one?”

    (She’s holding the cup in her hand at this point, which is very obviously warm to the touch.)

    Me: *trying to not laugh* “That’s the hot drink. Your cold drink is coming right up.”

    The Shame Diet

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (At our cafe, the chefs occasionally put out a plate of food in the kitchen for everyone to nibble on when they have a moment of spare time. The chefs had put out a bowl of chips. Having a 10 second rest, I grab one chip. There happens to be a customer in front of the counter and he looks at me knowingly.)

    Customer: “Calories.” *walks off*

    The Art Of Switching Sides

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at a hotel that serves free breakfast to its guests. I’m setting it up when this encounter happens.)

    Guest: “I just heard you cough back there!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s just a small cough. I’m just getting over a cold.”

    Guest: “I’m going to report you to the board of health!”

    Me: “For coughing?”

    Guest: “Yes, for coughing! You’re serving food and I know you’re coughing all over it! I can see the germs crawling all over the food!”

    Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m not coughing on the food. I wouldn’t want to eat coughed on food so I wouldn’t serve it.”

    Guest: “I know how you hotel people are! You want all the guests to get sick so they’ll leave and you can sit on your lazy asses all day!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if no one showed up to the hotel I wouldn’t have a job. I assure you I didn’t cough on the food.”

    (Suddenly, the guest changes her tone and attitude as if nothing had happened.)

    Guest: “Well, if I were you, I would. Some people are so rude. They think they can just barge in and walk all over girls like you, making ridiculous accusations and get away with it. Bless your soul for being such a moral girl.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Guest: “You have a wonderful day! Thanks for setting breakfast up for us early risers.”

    No Simpler Explanation

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am a female working drive-thru with a male coworker. We are both able to speak to the customer.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [shop name]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a [coffee drink] and [sandwich], thanks.”

    (At this point, I am busy starting work on the sandwich, so my hands aren’t free to hit the button to respond to the customer.)

    Male coworker: “Alright, that will be [price] at the window, please.”

    Customer: “What? You sure went through puberty in a hurry!”

    Butter Be More Careful Next Time

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink

    (An upset customer approaches me waving around a half-eaten bagel.)

    Customer: “Who would put so much butter on this bagel?”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Do you seriously think it needs this much butter? Seriously?”

    Me: “You want less butter?”

    Customer: “The bagel is hot! Butter melts, and it dripped all over my shirt! This is a $50 shirt, and it’s ruined! Why would you put so much butter on this? It’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Would you like a refund?”

    Customer: “I’d like you to pay for this shirt, is what I want! Who in their right mind puts on so much butter? Does this seem reasonable to you? Seriously! Look at how much butter is on it!”

    Me: “Well, you did ask for extra butter, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It’s ruined my shirt! So who’s going to pay for it? I’m not going to!”

    Me: “Let me get our supervisor.”

    (The supervisor proceeds to speak kindly to her, smile meekly, nod, and say “mhmm” a lot. She then gives the customer a complaint form to fill out. Somewhat calmer, and believing the supervisor was on her side, the customer takes the form and starts walking out.)

    Customer: “Well, I’ll try washing the shirt then, but if the stain doesn’t come out, someone here is going to be paying for this shirt! Seriously! Who actually thinks a bagel needs that much butter?”

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