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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Can’t Spell Without Without With

    , | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink

    (A customer pulls up in our drive thru. Note that our bacon cheeseburger is made exactly the same as our cheeseburger, except for the bacon. The bacon cheeseburger is also more expensive.)

    Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon. Just mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Okay, so a cheeseburger with only mayo and ketchup.”

    Customer: “No, a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, and only mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Well, our cheeseburger is made exactly the way we make our bacon cheeseburger, except it has bacon on it and it costs more. So a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon is a cheeseburger.”

    Customer: “NO! You don’t understand! I want a BACON CHEESEBURGER, with NO BACON, just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “I understand ma’am, but if I charge you for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, it’s more expensive than buying a cheeseburger, which is the same thing.”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! I want a bacon cheeseburger with NO BACON! Just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “All right then.” *charges her for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon* “That will be $*.** at the first window.”

    (The customer comes up to the window and reads her receipt, looking satisfied.)

    Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

    The Usual, As Usual As Possible

    | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    Caller: “Can I get 3 pizzas and an order of bread sticks?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Caller: “But I don’t want the bread like you usually make it.”

    Me: “Okay, how would you like it?”

    Caller: “I want it softer to bite into.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “But i don’t want it lightly done.”

    (The caller pauses, and I’m not sure what to say.)

    Caller: “…and I don’t want it burnt.”

    Me: *lightbulb turns on* “Okay, so you would like it normal?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Natural Selection, Hard At Work

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer comes with an old toolbox.)

    Customer: “Hey, look what I found just outside…”

    (The customer opens the metal toolbox filled with mushrooms.)

    Customer: “I doubt they’re the kind that make you high.”

    Me: “Um, I wouldn’t eat those. I think they’re destroying angel mushrooms, which are deadly poisonous.”

    Customer: “If they are, then I’ll probably eat them!” *leaves the store and never returns*

    Nuts All Around

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (I’m working at the concession stand. A woman and her grandson walk up to my register.)

    Customer: “One bag of M&Ms and a drink.”

    Me: “Would you like plain, peanut, or peanut butter?”

    Customer: “Plain! He can’t have peanuts, he’s very allergic.”

    (The transaction continues as normal, and they purchase popcorn, which is commonly made with peanut oil at other theaters.)

    Me: “Just so you know, our popcorn is made with coconut oil instead of peanut oil, so he can eat that.”

    Customer: *stops dead in her tracks* “No! Coco-NUT! It’s a nut. He can’t eat it.”

    (I can’t manage a response before she walks off with her grandson.)

    Manager: *walks over, laughing* “Did that really just happen?”

    Simple Menus Vs. The Simple-Minded

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our shop has a very basic menu of chicken burgers, chips, and chicken pieces.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what this is…”

    (The customer stares blankly at the menu for about 10 seconds.)

    Customer: “No. No! I don’t know what any of this is!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*


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