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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 5

    | West Orange, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place a few months before I leave for college. A lot of the kids working at the store are leaving for college soon, too. One of my coworkers has written “Tips for college kids” on the tip jar. A young mother walks in with her kids on a slow afternoon. After she reads the tip jar, this exchange happens.)

    Customer: “Tips for college kids…I have a good tip. Stay away from tequila.”

    Me: “Why’s that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I went through a lot of margaritas my freshman year. Now I can’t even look at tequila without feeling sick. Just stay away from it!”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am. I’ll stick to vodka.”

    (And yes, she did leave a nice tip!)

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Old Habits Die Hard

    | Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [sandwich shop]. Is this for here or to go?”

    Customer: “It’s to go. What do you have that is good?”

    Me: “Well, it’s all good. Do want hot or cold food?”

    Customer: “I guess cold. Do you sell things other than sandwiches?”

    Me: “Yes, we have salads, too.”

    Customer: “Great, I am so tired of sandwiches! That is all I have eaten all week.”

    Me: “What would you like?”

    Customer: “I guess I will take a regular size roast beef sandwich.”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

    Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Knowing Is Half The Battle

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a server in my restaurant. The Sunday lunch crowd is usually the elderly. An older gentleman and his wife are seated, and I take their drink order.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else to drink besides water?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a drink.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    (He doesn’t respond and looks at me for a while.)

    Me: “We have canned soda: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Sunkist, iced tea, hot tea, coffee–”

    Customer: “Yes, I want a can.”

    Me: “Um, I…” *smile* “Which one?”

    (He stares at me for a good while, like I should know better. Finally, his wife chimes in.)

    Wife: “He’d like a Coke, please.”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am working as the host at a family restaurant. It’s particularly busy night, so I am taking down names on the wait list.)

    Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “It’s going to be 6 with 2 kids.”

    Me: “So, a total of 6 people?”

    Customer: “No, 8!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Okay, a total of 8. I got you down.”

    (Their party has to wait for around 30 minutes to be seated. Right after we seat them, the woman comes back up to the front.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me! How do you expect us to fit at this table?!”

    Me: “Well, that table can usually hold 8 people. It seats four on one side, and four on the other.”

    Customer: “But we have 13 people!”

    Me: “Ma’am, when I asked you the total amount of people, you told me 8.”

    Customer: “No, I told you 8 adults and 3 children!”

    Me: “But that only adds up to 11–”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter! We can’t fit!”

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up


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