Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,207 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    On The Need For Meant-al Telepathy

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I would like a vanilla chai latte without the chai.”

    Me: “So, you want a vanilla latte?”

    Customer: “No, I want a vanilla chai latte without the chai! As a professional, aren’t you meant to know what I mean?”

    Me: “Of course. Ma’am, one vanilla chai latte without chai coming right up.”

    (I make her a vanilla latte and she takes a sip.)

    Me: “Is that what you wanted, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! You’re meant to tell me!”

    To Whom This May (Not) Concern

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    Me: “Medium size latte for Sarah!”

    (A customer approaches and looks at the drink.)

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t order a latte.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, Sarah.”

    Customer: “I’m not Sarah.”

    Me: “You’re not Sarah and you didn’t order a latte?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but this isn’t your coffee…”

    Now We Know Why She Needs Decaf

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a national coffee chain, and am answering the drive through.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [café]. What would you like today?

    Customer: “I want a skinny latte!”

    Me: “Okay, just to clarify, skinny means nonfat and sugar-free. What sugar-free syrup would you like?”

    Customer: *huffing* “No syrup! I just want a skinny latte!”

    Me: “Um, okay, so just a nonfat latte, then. What else can I get for you?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! I just want a skinny latte, nonfat and sugar-free!”

    Me: “Okay, a skinny latte, then. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Tall! You got that? And make it decaf! A DECAF TALL SKINNY LATTE! Gaaahhh!”

    I Also Want Your Love And Your Revenge

    | Gold Coast, Australia | Food & Drink

    (Our bakery is situated in a large outlet mall which attracts a lot of tourists. Our chocolate croissants are labeled as “pain au choc.”)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I get you anything?”

    Customer: “Hello, can I have one choc?”

    Me: “We have a few chocolate things. What’s the full name?”

    Customer: “I want…your pain.”

    A Sense Of Inflaming Doom

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

    Customer: “I need to order half a dozen cinnamon raisin bagels.”

    Me: “Sure, I will get that for you.”

    Customer: “Just so you know, they have to be slightly burned, but not too slightly burned. They cannot look perfect without a small burn. Otherwise, I will freak out and have a bad day!”

    (I search through the cinnamon raisin bagels for those with the slightest burn. Thinking this should be satisfactory, I present them to her for inspection.)

    Customer: “They are too burned! You ruined my day! I warned you! I demand to see your manager!”

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