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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Be Prepared For Explosive Flavor

    | Davenport, IA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m eating in the mall food court when I see an angry man approaches a security guard. It looks serious, so I try to listen to their conversation. I only hear a few fragments.)

    Angry guy: “Security alert…suspicious item…chemical spill…At other places, the security staff works in conjunction with the local police, bomb squad, and haz-mat team! [Nearby military base] is pretty high on al-Qaeda’s list of targets. I don’t feel safe at all!”

    (The angry guy stomps off. I’m a little worried at this point, so I walk up to the security guard.)

    Me: “What’s going on?”

    Security guard: “Nothing. Somebody left an open can of Coke in the middle of the floor.”

    Not Exactly The Sweetest Customer

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (My store has a brand of cookies on sale for half price. On the shelf above them is a smaller pack of the same brand that is not on sale).

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do these bigger cookies cost less than these small ones?”

    Me: “Those cookies are on sale this week. They usually cost more.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know they’re on sale, but why doesn’t the smaller pack cost less?”

    Me: “Only the cookies in the larger size are on sale. The other ones are at regular price.”

    Customer: “But aren’t they the same?”

    Me: “Yes they’re the same brand, but only the larger size is on sale.”

    (At this point, the customer grabs hold of my arm.)

    Customer: “Yes, but why are the bigger ones cheaper? That’s more sugar! If you have too much sugar you can get diabetes! It’s not healthy!”

    Me: “Um, sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to buy the bigger pack. I just want the smaller one. It’s too much sugar for me. Why should I have to buy the bigger one?”

    Me: “Er, well, you don’t HAVE to buy the bigger one.”

    (The customer sighs, shakes his head, and grabs the bigger pack of cookies. He leaves muttering about how everything has so much sugar in it.)

    Skimmed Milk, Skimmed Brain

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need 2% milk.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s just right there on the shelf behind you.”

    Customer: “No, not that. That’s the 2% PARTLY SKIMMED milk. I want just the regular 2% milk.”

    Me: “Oh, but all 2% milk is partly skimmed. That’s what it means.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t want that light stuff. I want just regular 2% milk.”

    Me: “All 2% milk is partly skimmed. That’s what is means.”

    Customer: “No! I buy regular 2% milk all the time at [competitor].”

    Me: “Well, you probably just never noticed the label before, but I’m sure if you do, you’ll see it says partly skimmed.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe they don’t have regular 2% milk here. What kind of grocery store is this?!”

    Celebrate Good Hearing, Come On

    , | Evans, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m using the headset for the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for choosing [restaurant]. Would you like to have one of our celebration specials today?”

    Customer: “No. So, do you all still have that celebration special?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, we do…”

    Never Bend To Suggestions

    | Moose Jaw, SK, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive-thru at a popular fast-food restaurant. The current employee initiative is to suggest hot beverages to customers.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]. Would you like to try a hot chocolate?”

    Customer: “No, no, no, no, NO. NO. NO.”

    Me: “Okay. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “All right, I’ll have a hot chocolate.”

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