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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Obviously, He Needs Food For Thought

    | Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a large, well-known used bookstore. We offer complimentary coffee and doughnuts to our patrons, but we do not have a cafe or serve any other food. The bookshelves are extremely obvious and numerous. A middle-aged man enters.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium hot dog to go.”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, sir! We’re fresh out of hot dogs!”

    Customer: *rolling his eyes and heaving a big sigh* “Okay, then what else do you have?”

    Me: “Um, we have coffee and doughnuts.”

    Customer: “That’s it? You don’t have any sandwiches or anything? What kind of a restaurant is this?”

    Me: “We’re a bookstore.”

    Customer: “A bookstore!? But I’m hungry!”

    Me: “Well, like I said, we do have coffee and doughnuts–”

    Customer: “Forget it! I’ll find another restaurant. This is ridiculous!”

    Related:Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

    Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

    | Manila, Philippines | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

    Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

    (Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

    Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

    (The caller gets back on the phone.)

    Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

    Me: “Um, alright, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

    Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

    Don’t Mind The Behind

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a hostess at a restaurant. Many of the employees wear headsets to communicate with each other. It’s a busy Friday night and I’m walking an English gentleman over to his table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do you have a red light on your backside?”

    (I look around and realize what he’s talking about.)

    Me: “Oh, it’s my headset. The light just indicates that it is on.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (I drop him off at his table and leave laughing. Later, the server for his table comes up to me…)

    Server: “He asked me, ‘Do you have a red bottom too?’”

    Crunchy Convergent Evolution

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: *frantically* “Ma’am? Ma’am! My noodles are extremely dry!”

    Me: “Those are not noodles. They are tortilla strips.”

    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

    | California, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any gurtz-demeanor?”

    Me: “Do you mean Gewürztraminer?”

    Customer: “Yeah, gurtz-demeanor!”

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