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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Jessica Simpson Isn’t The Only One

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m on the phone taking an order for pick-up.)

    Customer: “I’d like 50 wings please.”

    Me: “Okay, would you like those buffalo?”

    Customer: “No, chicken.”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 6

    | Woburn, MA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I have a glass of water?”

    Me: “Sure.” *gets him cup of water*

    Customer: “Are we in Woburn?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, so is this, uh, Woburn water?”

    Me: *sigh* “Yes.”

    Customer: “Didn’t this stuff kill people?”

    Me: “That was years ago.”

    Customer: “No, I think it was very recent.”

    Me: “No, the movie was just released very recently. The water’s fine now.”

    Customer: “I’d rather not take my chances. Can I get a bottle of water instead with a cup of ice?”

    Me: “You know where ice comes from, right?”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Never mind. Enjoy.” *hands them bottle of water and ice made from Woburn water*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Routine Trumps Common Cents

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (A regular buys the same bottle of liquor every couple of days and brings in just enough money to pay for the bottle. This week, we happen to get in “special edition” bottles and put them in place of the normal ones.)

    Me: “That will be [price].”

    (The customer hands me money and I give him a $5 in change.)

    Customer: “Is this on sale or something? You gave me too much change!”

    Me: “That’s a special edition bottle we got in. It’s actually cheaper than the normal one!”

    Customer: “Well, it’s been [price] for six years! Why is it cheaper?!”

    Me: “Well, at least it’s not more expensive?”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s been [price] for six years…”

    Me: *speechless*

    Options: Good To Have, Not To Exercise

    | London, UK | Food & Drink

    (A customer runs up to the till looking rather angry.)

    Customer: “Do you have any Pepsi?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. Would you like a–”

    Customer: “Do you have any Coca-Cola?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Customer: “I’ll have a water, then!”

    Placebo Me, Part 5

    | Boonville, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a cocktail waitress and this happenes to be on a rather busy night. The customer has only taken one sip of their beer before handing it back to me.)

    Customer: “This beer is hot! Go get me one that’s cold. I can’t believe you are serving warm beer!”

    Me: “Sir, that beer has been on ice for an hour or two. It still has ice crystals on it. Are you sure it’s warm?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you think I’m lying!”

    (I apologize and take the beer back to the bar and refill my tray, never switching out said beer because it’s ice cold. I return to the customer and give him the same beer back.)

    Me: “Here you go! Sorry about that. I hope this one is colder.”

    (The customer takes the drink and tries it.)

    Customer: “This is much better! I hope you don’t have any more of those other beers back there. You should put all those in the back of the cooler!”

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 4
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

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