Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Last Of The Summer Whine

| UK | Food & Drink

(The previous day, the shelf that held all our wine collapsed. This has resulted in the aisle being flooded with wine and closed. I’m working on the customer service desk.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, I was wondering if you had any red wine available?”

Me: “Ah, well I’m afraid we’ve had an incident and all the red wine we have in store today has been smashed, so no, I’m afraid we have no red wine available. We should have some more in tomorrow if that’s any good to you?”

Customer: “Hmm… well, do you have any available today?”

Me: “Well, no. The shelf literally collapsed, and everything we had was on that shelf, and so everything we had is broken. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: *raising voice* “Well, young man, you’re not making any sense. I would like some red wine now please.”

Me: “Well, the best I can do is put you some aside when the delivery comes in tomorrow. Any wine we had today was unfortunately smashed. People are actually trying to clear up the mess now.”

Customer: “You are incompetent! I would like some red wine now, please!”

(At this point another colleague who has been nearby listening in comes over to help.)

Customer: *to my coworker* “Hey, you! This colleague is babbling. I would like some wine. Can I get some wine, please?!”

Colleague: “Well, that depends on two very important things: how desperate are you, and do you have a straw?”

Customer: “I do not understand. All of you are babies, and you’re all dumb and ridiculous. You’ll all be fired!”

Colleague: “Well, maybe if you spent more time listening, and less time shouting you would understand, my colleague here has already explained everything, as have the colleagues clearing up the alcohol aisle that you were shouting at earlier.”

Customer: “I’ll go to [competitor]! Yeah, you won’t like that, will you?! That shut you up! I’ll never shop here again!”

Colleague: “We’ll hold you to it. Now, please stop assaulting our staff and leave before I call the police.”

Customer: “You… I’m… grrr… wine… ARGH!” *leaves*

Miss Understanding Calling

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I respond to the phone at our front counter.)

Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “Certainly, what would you like?”

Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, you’d like to place an order for delivery. Which of our items would you like to order?”

Caller: “I’d like a chicken pad thai and your vegetable salad.”

Me: “One chicken pad thai and one vegetable salad. Okay, will that be everything?”

Caller: “Could you read back my order? I want to make sure you know what I want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “Of course. One order of chicken pad thai and one order of vegetable salad for delivery.”

Caller: “And make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “Don’t worry ma’am, our chef is professionally trained and has been cooking here for years, and the chicken pad thai is our most-ordered item. I can assure you that he knows how to make it.”

Caller: “But make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

(At this point I think I must be misunderstanding something that she wants that she considers obvious, so I try to clarify.)

Me: “Um, yes ma’am. Just to clarify is there any special way you usually ask for your chicken pad thai?”

Caller: “No. Just chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “Just a normal chicken pad thai?”

Caller: “Yes, chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying? And a vegetable salad.”

Me: “Yes ma’am. Now, if I could get your address?”

(I manage to extract her address, phone number, and the fact that she will be paying with cash after about 20 more repetitions of ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’. At this point I’m about ready to thank her for her call and tell her when her food will arrive.)

Caller: “Okay. I hope it’s what I want. You know what pad thai is, right? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, as I said, our chicken pad thai is the most popular item on our menu, and I’ve been working here for 2 years. So I definitely know what it is.”

Caller: “But you know what it is right? Do you know what I’m saying?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to make it any clearer to you that I do understand what you’re saying.”

(I lead one sentence right into the other at this point, so that she doesn’t have a moment to interject.)

Me: “The delivery man will be there in about 20 minutes with your food. Thank you again for calling us, and have a great day.”

(I hang up and send her order to the kitchen to be cooked, and then delivered. About 20 minutes later the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant], how may I help you?”

Caller: “You do understand what I’m saying!”

(She then hung up.)

Stamping Feet Over A Stamp

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

Me: “Hi, what can get for you today?”

Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

(She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This can’t be true!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

A Brush With Stupidity

| Haifa, Israel | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I’m the manager of a pizzeria. I have all my employees keep their hair very short and clean-shaven. This happens when a customer comes up after just having been served her pizza. Everyone working this shift also has black hair.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a long, blond hair in my pizza!”

(She stares at me as though expecting me to do something. She also has long blond hair.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that hair didn’t come from us.”

Customer: “But it’s on my pizza! You have to do something!”

Me: “I don’t know what I can do other than to give you directions to the nearest drug store to buy a comb.”

So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3

| USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Food & Drink

(I work at a small snack bar in a sports center. We have just hired a new cook who is of Asian descent. I am on light duty, as I’d sprained my ankle the day before and the new guy stayed after he was scheduled to help. One of my regulars walks in, and when he sees the cooks he turns towards me with a disgusted look on his face.)

Customer: “What’s this? Since when did you guys start hiring [racial slur]?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who is this [racial slur] they’ve got in the kitchen now? You gonna start serving egg rolls or something?”

Me: “Okay, number one, [coworker] is Vietnamese, not a [racial slur]. Not that it matters, because number two, he was born here, so therefore he’s an American. And number 3, I wish we would start selling egg rolls because [coworker] makes the best d*** egg rolls I’ve ever tasted. Now you can go buy your drink from one of the machines because your money isn’t welcome in here today.”

(The customer stands there with his mouth open in shock for a minute before he turns on his heels and walks out. My coworker walks out as he is leaving.)

Coworker: “Oh wow, what was his problem?”

Me: “He’s just mad because I refused to serve him any egg rolls.”

(Thankfully, the customer later approached my coworker and apologized.)

Related:
So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2
So Pho, So Crazy

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