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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    UV: Under Valued

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It is mid-afternoon and the sun is starting to directly shine in the windows. The shades are already down but some light still shines through.)

    Customer: “It is way too bright. I have very sensitive eyes. You need to do something about the sun.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the shades are already down. Would you like to move to a different table that is away from the windows?”

    Customer: “No! I want you to do something about the sun!”

    Me: “Sir, I really can’t control the sun.”

    Customer: “You can’t do anything? I have very sensitive eyes!”

    Me: “I can move you to another table.”

    Customer: “No, that won’t work. How about you just stand here while I eat and block the sun?”

    Date Fright

    | Springville, UT, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (I’m hosting and whenever I seat a table, I put an ‘X’ next to the server who got the table so that all the servers get the same amount of tables. Two women walk in.)

    Me: “Hello, how many for you today?”

    Woman 1: “Just the two.”

    Me: *marking the next server* “Well, if you just want to follow me.”

    Woman 2: “That wasn’t our name!”

    Me: “What?”

    Woman 2: “We didn’t have a reservation. That wasn’t us!”

    Me: “Oh, I was just marking the server you’ll be having today.”

    Woman 1: “Sorry, we just saw Date Night and they took someone’s reservation and almost died!”

    When Life Presents A Fork, Choose The Right Way

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: *walks up to the counter* “Hey, you guys forgot my fork and croutons!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Here you are.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t I get free food because you guys messed up?!”

    Me: “You get a free fork and croutons.”

    Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (I am working as a bartender at a restaurant. The waitress has added a 15% gratuity because the party has been large and difficult to deal with.)

    Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ crap?! I ain’t paying for no ‘gravity!’”

    Waitress: *without missing a beat* “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”

    Customer: “Oh, alright then.” *pays the check*

    That’s (Not) A Wrap Folks

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Good afternoon.”

    Caller: “I was there at lunch today and got take out. When I got home I realized I had a salad and not the wrap. Your staff obviously can’t get an order right. You better rectify this. I am not impressed at all.”

    Me: “What did you order?”

    Caller: “A caesar salad.”

    Me: “But isn’t that what you got?”

    Caller: “But I wanted the caesar salad wrap. You guys screwed up.”

    Me: “We don’t have a caesar salad wrap. Did you tell the cashier that you wanted a wrap?”

    Caller: “You have caesar salad wraps, so she was pretty stupid if she didn’t know what I wanted.”

    Me: “We have a roma chicken wrap with caesar dressing and feta. Is that what you wanted?”

    Caller: “Well, your business is pretty stupid if you call a salad a caesar salad but don’t call a wrap that when you have one. I expect to be compensated for your stupidity.”

    Me: “So you want to be compensated because you ordered the wrong item and our staff didn’t tell you that you really wanted something else?”

    Caller: “Well…yes!”


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