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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Seedless, We Promise

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are cleaning up at the end of the night at a frozen yogurt shop downtown. Suddenly, a guy walks in.)

    Guy: “You need to buy me a piece of pizza cause I ain’t eaten all day!”

    Me: “The pizza shop in the mall is closed. I can give you a sample of yogurt.”

    (I pour him a sample of acai blueberry yogurt.)

    Guy: “What the h*** is that?”

    Me: “Yogurt.”

    Guy: “Nuh uh, that’s sperm.”

    Me: “This is yogurt.”

    Guy: “Stop trying to give me sperm! I do scientific research and that is HORSE SPERM!” *runs away*

    The Cow Goes Moy

    | Singapore | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)

    Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”

    Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”

    Customer: “And this?”

    Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”

    Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”

    Who’s Dating Who

    | California, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work as a server in a popular restaurant. This happens on the toughest day of the restaurant year: Valentine’s Day. A couple in their 20s has just been served their meal.)

    Me: “How are you both doing this evening? Can I bring you anything else?”

    Customer: “We aren’t doing very well at all! You aren’t doing nearly as much as you can to make my lady feel special!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was trying to make you both feel special this evening. I thought you might want to be the one to make your lady feel extra special.”

    Customer: “It’s not my job to make her feel special. It’s your job!”

    Customer’s date: *looks like she wants to die of embarrassment*

    Warning: Reacts Poorly To Chemistry

    , | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “And a cheeseburger with—” *mumbling*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but with what?”

    Customer: “No salt. S, A, L, T.”

    Me: “Oh, salt, like sodium chloride…NaCl. Sure.”

    Customer: “What!?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m a chemistry nerd.”

    Customer: “What’s NaCl?”

    Me: “Sodium chloride. The chemical name for table salt. I just left school so I am in that mindset.”

    Customer: “You put chemicals in your burgers!?”

    Size Matters, Part 6

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (A lady and her daughter walk in.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Daughter: “Can I have the waffle cone with a scoop of coconut ice cream?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure. Here you go.” *hands over ice cream*

    Customer: “What sizes do you have for snow cones?”

    Me: “I have a $2 cup and a $2.50 cup.” *shows her sizes*

    Customer: “Do you have a $1.50 cup?”

    Me: “No, I have $2 and $2.50.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have one exactly like my daughter’s.”

    Me: “A $2 coconut waffle cone?”

    Customer: “No, I want it in a cup…and make it strawberry.”

    Me: “So, not exactly like hers.”

    Customer: “No, I guess not. Wait…never mind. I’ll have a small snow cone.”

    Me: “Okay, what flavor?”

    Customer: “I’ll have the strawberry.”

    Me: “Okay. There you go.” *hands over the small strawberry snow cone*

    Customer: “Oh, you made it small? When I said small, I meant big! I thought you would understand.”

    Me: “No. You said small, so I gave you small.”

    Customer: “Well, I wanted the large one, but it’s okay. It was your mistake.”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

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