Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

It Pays to Be Not Always Right

| Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I’m the customer at a drink concession stand at a music festival. Sodas are $2 and special flavored waters (watermelon or blackberry) are $3.)

Me: “I’ll have a Sprite.”

Cashier: “We are all out of Sprite, sorry.”

Me: “Dang. I’d like a [brand of flavored water], but I only have $2. I’ll have a Coke.”

Cashier: “Would you like Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “Coke.”

Cashier: “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE.”

Cashier: *very slowly, with a knowing look on her face* “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE!”

Another Cashier: *to me* “She’s trying to give you the water for the price of the soda.”

Me: “Oh! Er, Blackberry.”

Cashier: “There we go!”

Focaccia, I Choose You

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like to order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a Pikachu.”

Me: *confused* “Pardon me?”

Customer: “A Pikachu! A Pikachu!” *points at the menu, where it says ‘focaccia’*

Me: “Right, one Pikachu…”

Bags Of Laughs

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(It’s been a long night, with a higher than average number of annoying customers. A couple comes through the till.)

Wife: “Oh, no. Don’t put the chips with the pop! It’ll get crushed.”

Husband: “Geez, don’t put the chips with the bread.”

Wife: “Oh, and keep the pickles away from the cans.”

Husband: “Can you double bag everything?”

(I finally sort through their numerous demands, they pay and leave. The next customer and last in line is buying just a few things, and has listened to the previous conversation.)

Customer: “Oh… can you put the bacon in a separate bag from the chips and pop?”

(I do.)

Customer: “Oh, and can you separate the chips and pop?”

(I do.)

Customer: “Can you double bag everything? It’s all pretty heavy, you know.”

(I stare, not sure if he’s serious.)

Customer: “And, can you put the receipt in a separate bag?”

(I smile at this point, and he laughs; it’s clear he was just joking. Everything goes in one bag. From this point on, ‘put the receipt in a separate bag’ becomes a euphemism for anyone making a series of ridiculous requests.)

How Quickly People Change

, | Hilo, HI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I am working the cash register at a popular Tex-Mex chain. I am serving a customer who has been kind of rude, and seems like he is in a huge hurry. I have tried to be as pleasant and quick as possible.)

Me: “So, your total is $34.”

Customer: “Can you guys take tips?”

Me: “No, I wish.”

Customer: “Okay. Here. I’ll give you this $50, and just… um… forget my change.”

(He did. He walks out leaving me the remainder, about $16!)

Bull-Only Sandwich

| Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a cashier at a fairly small sandwich shop in my city. I’m on duty at the same time as one of my coworkers, who is also my friend. She stands 5’9″ and is very slim with pink hair. She looks like a doll. A rather large guy comes in; he wants a sandwich with an obscene number of exotic and special items.)

Customer: “I want a large pumpernickel sandwich, with black forest ham, avocado, shrimp, caramelized onions, pine nuts, basil, honey-glazed salmon and dragon fruit. And I want it now, so get a move on!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, that sounds delicious, but I’m afraid we only do quite basic sandwiches here. You’d need somewhere special for that order.”

Customer: “F*** that! I need to be back at work soon and I want my d*** sandwich! Call yourself a business, denying me my food like that! I’m reporting you unless you serve me right now! Now make me my sandwich!”

Coworker: “Okay, I get that you’re angry about this, but I really can’t do anything about this. The only parts of that order we could do are the onions and the shrimp. Apart from that, we just don’t stock the ingredients. Now, either please order something else or leave. You’re holding up everyone else.”

Customer: “I don’t believe this. Make me my food right now or I’m coming back there to kick your a** till you do as I said!”

(My coworker is now quite annoyed, as it’s been a long day.)

Coworker: “Number one, threats aren’t going to help you. I can’t make it because we don’t have the ingredients, not because I don’t want to. Number two, if you come back here it’s not going to end well, do you understand me?”

Customer: “If I come back there you can’t do a d*** thing to stop me! I know my rights and I want my food!”

Coworker: “Please don’t come back here. If you get violent, it will be unpleasant for you.”

Customer: “What, you think you can do anything to me? You think you can kick my a**, barbie? Nobody believes that.”

(I’ve been eavesdropping from further down the counter. I’m a pretty big guy, 6’4”, and I’m in good shape. I see this as my cue to lean over.)

Me: “I believe her.”

Customer: “Oh yeah? And who the f*** are you? Another a**hole who’s going to refuse me my food?”

Me: “I was thinking more a black sash in Lethwei, a competitor in both Eskrima and Sambo, and if you’re familiar with the local circuit I’m the latest MMA champion. And yes, I’m refusing your food.”

Customer: “I wasn’t talking to you though, was I? I was talking to her.”

Me: “I know. In fact, please do come back here and try to fight her. I need a laugh.”

(Upon my saying this, the customer looks surprised and confused.)

Me: “See, what I probably should have mentioned is she’s the one who helps me train for all that stuff I mentioned. She wins about half the time. Please try and fight her? Youtube needs a new hit.”

(The customer blusters a bit more before backing down and huffing his way out of the shop, still threatening. I wasn’t lying: she would have wiped the floor with him!)

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