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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Sweetness Is Infectious

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (Our store has a coffee bar that sells pastry items that are made in house and is usually staffed by a barista. The bakery is located directly behind the coffee bar. I am working in the bakery. I hear a strange noise behind me and turn around to find an elderly gentleman standing at the coffee bar jingling his keys to get my attention.)

    Me: “Yes, sir? May I help you?”

    Customer: “What is the difference between these and these?” *points at cupcakes and muffins* “Why is one more expensive than the other?”

    Me: “Those are muffins and those are cupcakes. Cupcakes have more expensive ingredients and take more time to make; that’s why they cost more.”

    Customer: “But what’s the difference between a muffin and cupcake?”

    Me: “Cupcakes have icing and are generally sweeter.”

    Customer: “Why do they all have icing on them? Don’t you know there’s a diabetes epidemic! Sugar is dangerous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t make the cupcakes; I’m one of the bread bakers. If you have questions, the pastry bakers are here in the afternoon.”

    Customer: “Why is there sugar in everything!? Don’t you know that sugar is bad for you?!”

    Me: “I don’t make the pastry items, sir. The pastry bakers are here in the afternoon if you’d like to call and ask questions.”

    Customer: “Diabetes is everywhere! You shouldn’t put icing on everything! It’s dangerous!” *walks away*

    We Try Not To Die For A Pie

    | Woodbridge, VA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’ve just finished taking a customer’s delivery order.)

    Customer: “So, if it’s not here in 30 minutes it’s free, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we strive to get it to you within 30 to 45 minutes, but there’s no free pizza if it’s there after 30 minutes. That used to be policy, but we stopped doing that years ago.”

    Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Why?”

    Me: “Because drivers were having to pay for late pizzas out of their paychecks. Consequently, they were driving dangerously fast, causing accidents. People were getting badly hurt, so we ended that policy.”

    Customer: “I don’t see how that’s my problem!”

    Pot Calling The Coffee Bad

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a paid membership program at our store that allows members to take additional savings when purchasing stuff from our cafe.)

    Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was here about three weeks ago and got a cup of coffee. I’m not a member, so I got the bottom of the pot and it tasted disgusting.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir—it was mere coincidence.”

    Customer: “Well, I had to throw it away! As I was leaving, I heard you ask the customer behind me if he was a member. Because he was, you told him you’d make a fresh pot of coffee for him! Do you discriminate against all of your non-members?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want you to make me a fresh pot of coffee right now.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t discriminate here. Again, it was most likely just coincidence. Why don’t I get you a cup and have you fix it the way you like it? If it doesn’t taste good, then let me know before you leave and I’d be more than happy to make a fresh pot of coffee.”

    (I get him his coffee and he pays for it. After he goes to put his cream and sugar in it, I stop him on his way back before he leaves.)

    Me: “How’s your coffee, sir?”

    Customer: “Wow, the coffee here is really good! I work in a restaurant and hate when customers come back and complain, so I try not to be that type of person myself. Thanks for the coffee!”

    Illegal Tender

    , | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work late at night at a well-known fast food chain. We often get customers who are a little bit under the influence at night.)

    Me: “That comes to $23.95, thanks.”

    (The customer goes through his wallet and pockets and comes up about $5 short.)

    Customer: “Do you want to buy some weed off me so I can pay for this order?”

    Mentally Closed Down

    | Goodyear, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s a little after 10:00 PM and two customers walk in.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]! Two tonight?”

    Customer: “Are you about to close?”

    Me: “No, we are open 24 hours.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *to his friend* “Let’s go then, dude.”

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