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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    I’m Falling To Pieces

    , | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a survey that pops up randomly when receipts print out. The customers can go to a website and receive a code for a free sandwich upon completion of the survey. We only accept receipts with the codes written on it.)

    Me: “Do you have a coupon for me, sir?”

    Customer: *hands me coupon* “I’d like to redeem my free sandwich.”

    Me: *looks at coupon* “Sir, there is no code on this receipt. I cannot accept this coupon.”

    (The customer rips it out of my hand, tears it up into several pieces and throws it on the floorboard.)

    Friend: “We’ll just pay for the sandwich, then.”

    (Still infuriated, the customer picks the receipt pieces back off the floorboard and continues to rip them into smaller pieces, throwing them back on the ground.)

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 5

    | West Orange, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place a few months before I leave for college. A lot of the kids working at the store are leaving for college soon, too. One of my coworkers has written “Tips for college kids” on the tip jar. A young mother walks in with her kids on a slow afternoon. After she reads the tip jar, this exchange happens.)

    Customer: “Tips for college kids…I have a good tip. Stay away from tequila.”

    Me: “Why’s that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I went through a lot of margaritas my freshman year. Now I can’t even look at tequila without feeling sick. Just stay away from it!”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am. I’ll stick to vodka.”

    (And yes, she did leave a nice tip!)

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Old Habits Die Hard

    | Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [sandwich shop]. Is this for here or to go?”

    Customer: “It’s to go. What do you have that is good?”

    Me: “Well, it’s all good. Do want hot or cold food?”

    Customer: “I guess cold. Do you sell things other than sandwiches?”

    Me: “Yes, we have salads, too.”

    Customer: “Great, I am so tired of sandwiches! That is all I have eaten all week.”

    Me: “What would you like?”

    Customer: “I guess I will take a regular size roast beef sandwich.”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

    Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Knowing Is Half The Battle

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a server in my restaurant. The Sunday lunch crowd is usually the elderly. An older gentleman and his wife are seated, and I take their drink order.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else to drink besides water?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a drink.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    (He doesn’t respond and looks at me for a while.)

    Me: “We have canned soda: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Sunkist, iced tea, hot tea, coffee–”

    Customer: “Yes, I want a can.”

    Me: “Um, I…” *smile* “Which one?”

    (He stares at me for a good while, like I should know better. Finally, his wife chimes in.)

    Wife: “He’d like a Coke, please.”


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