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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Butter Be More Careful Next Time

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink

    (An upset customer approaches me waving around a half-eaten bagel.)

    Customer: “Who would put so much butter on this bagel?”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Do you seriously think it needs this much butter? Seriously?”

    Me: “You want less butter?”

    Customer: “The bagel is hot! Butter melts, and it dripped all over my shirt! This is a $50 shirt, and it’s ruined! Why would you put so much butter on this? It’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Would you like a refund?”

    Customer: “I’d like you to pay for this shirt, is what I want! Who in their right mind puts on so much butter? Does this seem reasonable to you? Seriously! Look at how much butter is on it!”

    Me: “Well, you did ask for extra butter, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It’s ruined my shirt! So who’s going to pay for it? I’m not going to!”

    Me: “Let me get our supervisor.”

    (The supervisor proceeds to speak kindly to her, smile meekly, nod, and say “mhmm” a lot. She then gives the customer a complaint form to fill out. Somewhat calmer, and believing the supervisor was on her side, the customer takes the form and starts walking out.)

    Customer: “Well, I’ll try washing the shirt then, but if the stain doesn’t come out, someone here is going to be paying for this shirt! Seriously! Who actually thinks a bagel needs that much butter?”

    The Fries Are Tastier On The Other Side

    | Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work at a food court restaurant that primarily serves fries. On quiet days like today, we do all our cooking to order. A group of three French women have just come up to our counter and are trying to decide what to order. They each get an order of fries and gravy and leave to sit and eat. Suddenly, the first customer comes back to the counter.)

    Customer #1: “I want new fries.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry. Was there something wrong with your food?”

    Customer #1: “Their fries taste better.”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer #1: “I tried my fries, then I tried their fries. Theirs are better, so I want new ones!”

    (All three women’s fries were from the same batch, cooked and prepared exactly the same way.)

    Placebo Me, Part 6

    | Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m dropping off a drink at a party of about 10 guys and girls. They look like they wish they were on the Jersey Shore. One of the girls has ordered a double gin and tonic. Before I walk away, the girl calls me back.)

    Girl: “This drink isn’t right. I ordered a gin and tonic and this tastes like it has vodka in it…and maybe soda.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll get that fixed up for you right away.”

    (I take it to my bartender, who looks at it, pours it into a different shaped glass, then hands it back to me. I take it back to the table and give it to the customer.)

    Girl: “Ah, this is much better. Thank you!”

    Me: “You’re very welcome!”

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 5
    Placebo Me, Part 4
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3

    | Virginia, USA | Food & Drink, Geography

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have a question about your wild Alaskan Salmon. Why does it say it’s a product of the United States on it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

    Customer: “But if it’s a product of the US, then it’s not really Alaskan salmon, right?”

    Me: *speechless* “Um, the label’s correct, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So, then it’s not from Alaska?”

    Me: “Alaska is a part of the United States. The salmon is fresh from Alaska.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…” *rolls eyes and leaves*

    Related:
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    Jessica Simpson Isn’t The Only One

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m on the phone taking an order for pick-up.)

    Customer: “I’d like 50 wings please.”

    Me: “Okay, would you like those buffalo?”

    Customer: “No, chicken.”


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