October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Borderline Stupidity

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am behind two boys in line. They pile a bunch of coolers on the counter, and try to pay with American money.)

Cashier: “Could I see some ID, please?”

(Boy #1 waves his hand like Obi-Wan.)

Boy #1: “Oh, you don’t need to see our IDs.”

Cashier: “Uh, actually, I do.”

Boy #2: “It’s okay; we’re both 21!”

Cashier: “Drinking age in Ontario is 19.”

Boy #2: “Oh. Well, we’re both 19, then.”

Cashier: “Do you even have identification?”

Boy #1: “Fine! Here!”

(He throws a card on the counter.)

Cashier: “The government doesn’t consider this valid ID.”

Boy #1: “OH COME ON!”

Cashier: “…and this American state driver’s licence says you’re 16.”

Boy #2: “F****** Canadians!”

They Are Tea Total, Part 2

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like an iced coffee with milk, with no coffee in it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Did you want a decaffeinated iced coffee?”

Customer: “No, I just hate the taste of coffee. I want an iced coffee with milk, but hold the coffee.”

Me: “So, would you like milk and ice?”

Customer: “No, I want it without coffee. I have it all the time. It’s brown, and kind of sweet.”

Me: “Tea?”

Customer: “Yes! How did you not understand that?”

He Is Tea Total

Dining Sin

| USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m a waitress, seating a woman next to a pair of young men holding hands across the table. They are talking quietly to each other, very obviously on a date. One of the men is drastically shorter than the other, making him appear much younger.)

Female Customer: “Well, isn’t that sweet, taking your little brother out? How old is he, 10?”

(Customer #1 blushes and bites his lip.)

Customer #2: “He’s 19, and he’s my boyfriend.”

(I’m about to walk away, when the woman gasps and shrieks at me in outrage.)


(Both men visibly flinch. The smaller starts pulling his hand away, blinking back tears. The taller catches it and gives him a reassuring smile. Being bisexual myself, I’ve learned how to deal with this.)

Me: “Look at that couple over there.”

(I point to a girl and boy, on the other side of the restaurant. They are about the same age, doing the exact same thing the other couple just was.)

Me: “What do you think of them?”

Female Customer: “Well, they’re cute!”

(I point to the gay couple.)

Me: “And if one of them was a girl?”

(The female customer stammers furiously. She stands up, almost knocking the table over, and starts stomping away.)

Female Customer: “I’m never coming here again! I’ll have you reported for allowing these f*****s to sin here!”

(Luckily for me, my boss laughs in her face. He bans her from the restaurant, and calls other branches to warn them about her. The two men are incredibly sweet, and make sure to give me a twenty dollar tip. They’ve been regulars ever since!)

Don’t Be Tardis With His Order

| AR, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I am filling boxes for to-go orders. An order comes back without a name, so my boss gives me permission to write ‘Dr. Who’ on the box.)

Boss: “We’ve got a to-go!”

Me: “Sorry guys, I don’t have enough information on these grilled cheese sandwiches. And there’s not a name or phone number.”

Boss: “Oh, shoot.”

Me: “Should we wait until they get here?”

Boss: “We’ll just give them cheddar. If they don’t want them, we’ll make them new ones.”

(I write up the boxes with ‘Dr. Who’ and make the order. I see a young man picking up the no-name order. The following week…)

Waitress: “We’ve got an order from Doctor Who!”

Me: “Wait, really?”

Waitress: “Yep. He told me on the phone that he liked what we did with the boxes.”

(I check the ticket. It’s the same thing the young man ordered last week, with ‘Dr. Who’ written in the name spot. Looks like one of our regulars has a new nickname!)

I Should Be So Ducky

| IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]! How can I help you?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes. I’ll have a small hamburger, a small fry, and a small coffee, for here, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like cream and sugar with your coffee?”

Elderly Customer: “Of course. Two cream, and two sugar, please.”

Me: “Your total is $[total].”

(The Elderly Customer hands me more than enough to cover the meal.)

Elderly Customer: “Keep the change.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

Elderly Customer: “Really? What’s this world coming to! Customers should be allowed to tip for good service.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that, sir. Here’s your food. Is there anything else that you would like?”

Elderly Customer: “No, thanks.”†

(He takes his food off to the lobby. A short while later, he’s back at my register.)

Me: “Did you need a refill on your coffee, sir?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I refill his coffee. When I return with his cup, he takes it, smiles at me, and leaves the store. Sitting on the counter where he was standing, is a small balloon duck. The duck has a note.)

Note: “This isn’t a tip; he’s a gift. I hope that he brings a smile to your face.”

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