Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Government Is Going To Cone For You

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer in her mid-50s comes into the shop and begins looking around at all the varieties of ice cream.)

Me: “Hi, do you know what you’d like?”

Customer: “I sure do! I need some butter pecan in a waffle cone.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any waffle cones at this moment. Our waffle cone machine broke and we had to send it back to get another. We have cake and sugar cones, though.”

Customer: “No, a ‘waaaaa-ffle’ cone. Waffle. Right here!” *points to sugar cones*

Me: “Oh, a sugar cone! Sure thing, coming right up!”

Customer: “No! Not a sugar cone! Waffle! Why won’t you give me what I want?! It’s the government, I tell you! They’re playing these evil mind tricks! I won’t fall for it, though! I won’t! I want a waffle cone!”

Me: *grabs sugar cone* “Yes, ma’am.”

(My coworker returns from her break, only having heard the last bit from the customer saying she wanted a waffle cone.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have any waffle cones right now.”

Customer: “Not you, too! It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!” *storms out*

Coworker: “Well, that escalated quickly.”

Just Stole His Thunder

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

(I’m volunteering at my school’s concession stand at a football game. An elderly man comes up to the register. There’s a very long, impatient line.)

Me: “Hello sir, welcome to [school name], home of the [mascot]! How may I help you?”

Man: “I’ll have two hot dogs, a pretzel with cheese, nachos, a Diet Coke and a Sprite.”

(I hand him the hot dogs and sodas. The kids in the back are still working on the nachos and pretzel.)

Man: “Where’s my pretzel and nachos?”

(Right as he says this, the pretzel is ready. It comes wrapped in wax paper with a cup of cheese, and I hand it to him.)

Man: “What’s this?”

Me: “A pretzel with cheese.”

Man: “No! I want it in a tray!”

(I take the pretzel back and ask for a nacho tray. The nachos are still not yet ready.)

Me: “That’ll be $7.50, please.”

Man: *has money out and I attempt to take it* “Hold on, don’t take my money until I get my prize!”

Me: “Sir, there is at least $200 in cash in this register. If I wanted to steal money, I’d just grab some when nobody was looking, not from some guy who’s holding up a line!”

Man: *takes his food and backs away sheepishly*

Omfoolery Imes Wo

| WV, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a BL.”

Me: “You mean a BLT?”

Customer: “No, a BL. I don’t like T.”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, a glass of iced tea.”

Me: *joking* “I thought you didn’t like T.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Well, then… get me a glass of iced ea.”

Getting Inside The Meat Of The Matter

| WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work the night shift at a popular big box store and have answered a phone call at around 3 am.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What is your return policy on food if I don’t have a receipt?”

Me: “Without a receipt, you can exchange food items for other food items, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I bought meat and it leaked blood all over my fridge!”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that. If you bring in the meat, we can exchange it and make sure the new package is wrapped up so it won’t leak.”

Customer: “Well, how about I take it to the hospital and have it x-rayed to see if you tampered with it, hmm!?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m going to take this meat to the ER, right now, and have them x-ray it because you tampered with it!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you want to take meat to the hospital at 3 am and have it x-rayed, you’re certainly welcome to do so.”

Customer: “That’s right! I am!” *slams phone down*

Coworker: “Did you just say someone was x-raying some meat?”

Me: “I’m going on break.”

Konnichi-woah

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Food & Drink, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a tourist souvenir shop. On this day, we receive much-needed maple products, including maple candy, syrup and the like. I am busy labelling the new stock as my coworker receives the stock.)

Me: “Well, I know there will be Japanese tourists in today.”

Coworker: “…Huh?”

Me: “Last time we got our maple shipment in, we sold half of it before it was all completely in the system. They just seem to know when we have it. The Japanese tourists just have a sense for it. We’ll be busy tonight.”

Coworker: “Oh, really?”

Me: “Yep, just you wait…”

(An hour later, two Japanese tourists come into the store and take a look around as we are busy working. When they are finished, both come up to the counter with baskets of maple syrup bottles. Once I’m finished helping both of them, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “Well what have you got to say to that?”

Coworker: *not believing me* “No comment.”

(About twenty minutes later, I hear the door open, but it doesn’t shut immediately. Curious, I look up in the direction of the door.)

Me: “Oh, look, they brought friends!”

Coworker: *looks up and at the front* “Holy crap!”

(A group of about nine Japanese tourists walk in, all immediately heading for our ‘maple’ section of the store. Due to the small size of the store, it is a lot of people to have in at once. We help them as best we can. Despite there being a huge language barrier, I recognize some words and we are able to help each one of them as they patiently wait their turn in line. Once they are all finished and things are once again quiet, I turn once again to my coworker.)

Me: “So, you believe me now?”

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