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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Folie A Deux

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working in the men’s department when a well-dressed, handsome man comes up with a few pairs of pants. Most of them are one size, while one or two are one size larger than that.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    Me: “I see here that these are one size larger than the others. Did you need the two different sizes?”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “Yes, actually, I do.”

    Me: “I was just checking. Sometimes clothes don’t get put back in the proper piles and sizes get mixed up.” *continues ringing him up* “Are you purchasing these as a gift? We can provide you with a gift box.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, both sizes are for me.” *leans in to whisper* “You see, I need one size for most of the time, and another for… that time of the month.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Don’t judge me! My wife cooks fattier foods for a whole week when…you know! It’s like Thanksgiving every night for a week!”

    Me: “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine what she’s like while pregnant.”

    Customer: *visibly pales* “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, no. I can’t have that happen! I’ll get FAT!”

    Sweet Midlife Crisis

    , | Fast Food Restaurant | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular fast food place where cashiers ask for customer’s names so that they can be called when their order is ready. Customers who are members of our loyalty program are called whatever name they registered their card under. A middle aged man approaches.)

    Me: *holding back laughter* “Is this the name you want me to call?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course!”

    (Five minutes pass while his order is being made.)

    Coworker: *over the intercom* “Princess Bubblegum, your order is ready!”

    Ketchup Me Right Or Don’t Ketchup Me At All

    , | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    (I am a manager at a popular fast food restaurant and currently serving customers in the drive thru. I have a headset on to hear what customers are saying at the speaker.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just came through here and got small fries, and I got NO ketchup! I want new fries WITH ketchup!”

    Coworker: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. Just pull to the second window and our manager will help you.”
    (I prepare the new fries and put them in a bag, and make sure to grab a handful of ketchup packets to accompany them as she comes up to my window.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am! Here you are. The fries just came up!”

    Customer: “How can you give someone fries with no ketchup!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am! Have a good day!”

    (Thinking that would be the end of ketchupgate, I resume my other regular duties. Ten minutes later, the same woman, now irate, storms into the lobby and up to the counter with her food bag in hand.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?”

    (She overturns her empty bag and several unopened ketchup packets spill onto the counter.)

    Customer: “You gave me nine ketchup packets for one small fries?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You gave me NINE KETCHUP PACKETS for ONE small fries! Are you trying to be smart?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, didn’t you return to the drive thru for the sole reason of getting ketchup?”

    Customer: “But NINE ketchup packets?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I suppose I just wasn’t aware of how much ketchup you wanted.”

    Customer: “I demand to speak with your manager!”

    (I look at my uniform and then the surrounding crew members’ uniforms. My uniform is quite clearly different from all others.)

    Me: “I am the only manager on duty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “YOU’RE the manager?!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And you gave me NINE packets of ketchup?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well what do you have to say for yourself?”

    Me: “I suppose I am pleased to know that I was able to go above and beyond your expectations for ketchup sustenance.”

    Customer: *storms off muttering incoherently*

    A Little More Empathy, A Little Less Entropy

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (I have just finished making a coffee order and I call out the number the customer was given. No one comes to pick up the order, so I call the number two or three times before the customer finally comes up to the counter to pick up her order. After a few seconds, she returns.)

    Customer: “This coffee is cold!”

    Me: “It’s been sitting here for a few minutes. I called it out a couple times but no one came to pick it up.”

    Customer: “Well, this is cold! Perhaps you should only have competent people make coffees!”

    Rare, Medium, And Free

    | Covington, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (This occurs on a very slow day. I’m the only person working the cafeteria and register.)

    Customer: “I finally found a decent meal down here!”

    (She proceeds to show me her tray. It consists of various food items and drinks, one if which is a burnt pork chop. I ring her up anyway, as the customers serve themselves.)

    Customer: *looking at the receipt* “You charged me $1.90 for that pork chop?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s the price of the pork chops.”

    Customer: “But it’s burnt.”

    Me: “If you don’t want that one, you can pick another.”

    Customer: “No, I wanted it burnt. I like my pork chops cooked really well. Can’t you give it to me for free?”

    Me: “You want a free pork chop because it’s burnt, but you wanted it burnt?”

    Customer: “I told you, I like my pork chops burnt!”

    Me: “Yeah, I can’t not charge you for the food if you’re still going to eat it.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This cafeteria is just trying to rip us all off!”


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