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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Water You, Stupid, Part 8

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work at a cafe that offers bottled water. The bottles are quite large.)

    Customer: “Do you have any smaller bottles of water?”

    Me: “No, but I can give you an ice water.”

    Customer: “What’s an ice water?” *confused*

    Me: “Just, like, a cup of water with some ice in it.”

    Customer: “Oh! Well, I don’t often drink coffee, so, no thanks!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 7
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    | London, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I work in an awkwardly-sized shop where the chocolate counter is at one end of the shop, with the till at the other. This tends to result in customers waiting needlessly at the chocolate counter. This occurs during on a particularly busy time.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. Would you just like to follow me to the till and I’ll just put your transaction though?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting bloody ages! This happens every year! You shop assistants are useless!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s just the shop is awkwardly shaped, so it’s difficult to keep track of people waiting—”

    Customer: *hands over his card* “I’m a business man, and it’s not the shop. It’s you! You’re just useless!”

    Me: “Once again, I apologise for the wait. It’s difficult to keep tabs on everyone—”

    Customer: “If you would do your job properly, it wouldn’t happen! Every bloody year, it’s the same!”

    Me: “Sir—”

    Customer: “If you make one more excuse, I’ll leave without buying anything!”

    (Note: I’ve already put his purchase though and I’m just trying to hand him his card and receipts.)

    Me: “Okay, I—”

    Customer: “That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m leaving!”

    (The customer angrily storms out of shop. Five minutes later, he returns, albeit much calmer.)

    Customer: *sheepish* “I…er…left my card.”

    Me: “Don’t forget your chocolates, sir! Have a lovely day!”

    Dripping With Contradictions

    | Brisbane, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is there any coffee in a latte?”

    Me: “Yeah, there is. We put two shots of coffee in a tall latte.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. How about the cappuccino? Does that have coffee?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, there are two shots in the cappuccino as well.”

    Customer: “So, are you SURE there is coffee in a cappuccino? Because I really need coffee!”

    Me: “I can assure you there is coffee in it. I can even give you extra shots of coffee.”

    Customer: “So, there is coffee in it?”

    Me: “Yes, there is coffee in a cappuccino.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want coffee! What kind of place is this?!”

    Me: “A…coffee shop?”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Me: *completely confused*

    You’re Driving Me Strawberry And Bananas

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m taking orders at a coffee shop.)

    Me: “What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Strawberry banana smoothie.”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Strawberry banana.”

    Me: “Yep, and what size?”

    Customer: “Strawberry banana.”

    Me: “But what size would you like?”

    Customer: “STRAWBERRY BANANA.”

    Me: *trying another approach* “Would you like a large or a small?”

    Customer: “Medium!”

    Courtesy Is For Commoners

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (A mom and her 3 year old daughter come up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Tell the lady what you want, sweetie.”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I want an ICEE!”

    Customer: “What do you say?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “And make it fast!”

    Customer: “What?! You do NOT say that! We are talking to your father when we get home!”

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