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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Land Of The Free And Home Of The Portable Umbrella

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am clearing off the tables on the deck of the restaurant because it has just started raining. Most people have moved inside.)

    Customer: “Are you guys kicking us off the deck?”

    Me: “No, sir, you are welcome to stay out here as long as you wish.”

    Customer: “In that case, can you move one of the tables with the umbrellas so they cover my wife?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the tables are bolted down to the deck and I can’t move them.”

    Customer: “The tables…they don’t move? But this is America!”

    Sanguine Mealtime Entertainment

    | Rockville, MD, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any crayons?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, we are all out and our shipment doesn’t come in until Tuesday.”

    Customer: “Well what is my child supposed to color with?! Her blood?”

    An Ate For Two Special

    | Fort Lee, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have one Penne Milano.”

    Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can get you?”

    Customer: “One should be enough to feed eight people, right?”

    Me: “No, unfortunately. At most, it could feed two.”

    Customer: “Well, how can I make it feed eight?”

    Me: “Perhaps you can order more than one?”

    Line Is Law

    | British Columbia, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am working in a buffet-style restaurant where customers line up for the food.)

    Supervisor: “Can you go refill the napkins? We’re all out.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I walk over to the line wearing my work uniform and my ID card prominently displayed.)

    Me: “Excuse me, I just need to refill the napkins.”

    Customer: “No problem.”

    Customer #2: “Why the f*** does everyone keep cutting the line?”

    Me: “Sir, I work here. I am just refilling the napkins.”

    Customer #2: “Well, that is no excuse! If you work here, you should know to wait your turn!”

    Related:
    Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

    Half A Sandwich For Half A Brain

    | Yorktown, IN, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work in a sandwich shop where you can purchase a foot-long or six-inch sandwich. Two women walk into my shop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Woman #1: “We want half a sandwich, each.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that today. What kind of bread would you like?”

    Woman #2: “Wheat, but we only want half of it, each.”

    Me: “That’s no problem. Six-inch sandwiches are very common. Now, what kind of–”

    Woman #1: “No! We want half of that!”

    Me: “Uh, okay, so you want three inches, each?”

    (The women both look at each other and nod. I cut a six-inch piece and hold it up.)

    Me: “Okay, just so we can clarify before I cut it, I’m cutting this piece in half and you want half of it, each. If you like, I can just charge you for one six-inch since you’re getting the same kind of sandwich.”

    Woman #1: “Alright, that’s good. Thanks for the offer.”

    (I start cutting the bread into three-inch pieces.)

    Woman#1: “What are you doing?!”

    Me: *startled* “Well, I’m giving you your three-inch sandwiches.”

    Woman #2: “No! We wanted one of those each!” *points at the other half*

    Me: “So, you each want a six-inch sandwich?”

    Woman #2: “No! We want half a six-inch!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our regular sandwich is twelve inches. The one you just pointed at is six-inches.”

    Woman #1: “I don’t care for your measurements! Just give us what we want!”

    Me: “You want a six-inch then.”

    Woman #2: “No! We want half!”

    (This goes on for about 10 more minutes. They end up getting a six-inch each and then demanding that I give them the deal I’d offered. In the end, they both paid full price, mumbling about my incompetence.)


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