Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Good Men Are Rare

| Cambridge, England, UK | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I am a waitress at a high end chain of worldwide hotels. It is an extremely busy dinner shift. I am serving an obviously rich man, with who appears to be with a new girlfriend.)

Me: “Good evening, sir, madam. Are you ready to order?”

Male Customer: *showing off* “I want a steak, and I want it how the animals eat it. None of this namby-pamby cookery stuff. Just cave-man style, you know?” *he indicates the woman* “Oh, and just fetch her a salad, or something equally low-calorie. I don’t want her all bloated, if you know what I mean!?” *laughs in a creepy way*

Me: “Erm, okay, sir. So, one blue steak and a house salad.”

Male Customer: “That’s what I said wasn’t it? God, do they employ idiots here? And fetch me a bottle of your really good champagne; not the cheap stuff you give to the general public.”

(I have already realized by this point he is going to be a painful customer, and feel sympathetic to his girlfriend, who is clearly embarrassed. I return with the steak and salad, and after his first mouthful I can hear him shouting across the restaurant).

Male Customer: “Are you trying to kill me? Give me Mad Cow disease?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What appears to be the problem?”

Male Customer: “My steak is bleeding! And cold in the middle! You’re trying to make me ill, and then charge me a ridiculous amount for it!”

Me: “That is a blue steak. Simply lightly seared on the outside, whilst mainly raw in the middle ‘like the animals would have it.’ I assure you it’s perfectly fine to eat!”

Customer: “I am a human being, not a dog! My food needs to be cooked! I will take you to court if I get food poisoning!

(Luckily at this point my manager steps in to calm him down, as he is talking about suing the hotel. Later in the bar, I serve the girlfriend who is now alone. She thanks me for opening her eyes to what a jerk he is and tips me £20, and buys me a drink!)

How To Give Customers The Crepes

| Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Food & Drink

(The restaurant phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to take a survey for my free short stack of pancakes.”

(On receipts, there is a number to call for surveys, but she has called the restaurant.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you appear to have called the wrong number. You are supposed to call the number on your receipt, not the restaurant number.”

Customer: “No! I’m taking this survey over the phone right now! Give me your manager!”

(I proceed to call the manager, who comes up and takes the phone. I notice a woman talking into the phone and hear the exact voice I was talking to.)

Me: “[Manager], this woman is actually sitting in the restaurant!”

Manager: *into the phone* “One moment, ma’am.” *hangs up, then turns to me* “Where is she sat?”

Me: *points over to her table* “Right there.”

(He proceeds to walk over to the table with me in tow.)

Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am. You have to exit the restaurant before you can claim your free pancakes.”

Customer: “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS ME?! YOU STALKERS! I’M CALLING THE POLICE!” *storms out, red faced and embarrassed*

Not Sweet On The Potato

, | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work for a small, privately-owned fast food chain, and we often receive many questions about our food and what goes into each item. I notice a man that ordered a few moments ago is lingering at the counter trying to look into the back. I excuse myself and approach him.)

Me: “Did you have any questions, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, what do you put in your fries?”

Me: “Our fries?”

Customer: “Your fries. What do you put in them?”

Me: “Well, we salt them, but that’s—”

Customer: “No! What do you put in the fries?!”

Me: “Um… potatoes?”

Customer: “Do you have a manager? Where is your manager?!”

(My manager comes up to the counter to see what is wrong.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

(By now, the customer is speaking loud enough for the whole dining room to hear him.)

Customer: “What do you put in your fries?!”

Manager: “…I’m sorry?”

Me: “I think he wants to know what the ingredients for the fries are.”

Customer: “Yes! What do you put in the fries?”

Manager: “Potatoes.”

(The customer points in a very angry manner toward the back of the kitchen where we cook the fries.)

Customer: “No! I want to know it says on that box of what you put in your fries! Bring me that box, RIGHT NOW!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m not allowed to bring it to the front. Now, please…”

(After a minute or two of talking with my manager, the man seems to quiet down. I figure everything has been resolved and began chatting with the pair of customers from earlier. Soon, the irate customer receives his food and starts walking out of the store.)

Me: “Thank you for coming to [restaurant].”

Customer: “I’M GOING TO GIVE THIS TO MY SON EVEN IF YOU WON’T TELL ME WHAT’S IN IT!” *leaves*

Paying It Cool

| Reno, NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

(It’s very rainy day on the weekend. The restaurant is very busy, but I am the only person working due to payroll issues. I have twice slipped in a puddle of water customers have dragged in, and I have hurt myself a bit. Customer #1 is a rude new customer, and Customer #2 is an elderly woman, also new. Both taking advantage of a half-off promotion. I’m running the bar making a margarita and taking a to-go order, but I am still a little shaken up from my fall. I drop the top to a mixer and it clatters on the floor.)

Customer #1: *mocking voice* “Oh no, don’t fall.”

(Her whole table laughs. I blush and ignore the rude customer and continue doing my job. I start the rounds to see if anyone else needs a refill when I reach Customer #2.)

Customer #2: “I have to say, you handled that situation very coolly.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay. It was just a little fall.”

Customer #2: “No, the other situation.” *turns to look at Customer #1, who looks away*

Me: “Oh no, it’s okay. That my job; I’m here to serve!”

Customer #2: “Regardless, you were so level-headed even though that looked like it hurt pretty bad. You’re just so cool, handling it like you are!”

(Customer #1 has stopped eating and is just blushing and staring at her food.)

Me: “It really is okay. I’m just doing my job.”

Customer #2: “And you’re doing a great job! You’re just so much cooler than some other people. You’re a great waiter!”

(By now, I’m blushing.)

Me: “Thank you, can I get you anything else?”

(Hearing this, Customer #1 slaps some cash on the table and leaves just barely enough to cover her meal. When Customer #2 leaves after her, she leaves $11 dollars extra and gives me a Peace sign. Thank you, ma’am, that made me so happy! I used the extra money to buy snacks for the kitchen staff!)

Not Quite The Muffin Top Of The Class

, | QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am working on drive-thru at a major fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please place your order.”

Customer: “Can I have a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin?”

Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins.”

Customer: “No… I want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

Me: “Umm… so, two bacon and egg muffins?

Customer: “No!”

Me: “You just said you want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

Customer: “I want a bacon muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins, one without egg.”

Customer: “No! Just give me two bacon and egg muffins.”

Me: *gives up* “…Sure. That will just be $7.30 at the first window.”

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