Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

These Customers Are Mostly Harmless

| Western Australia, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

Me: “Good evening, welcome to [pizza store]. How can I help you this evening?”

Customer: “Just a Meat Lover’s on the regular base, thanks.”

Me: “Not a problem. It should be ready in ten to fifteen minutes. Can I just have a name for the order?”

Customer: *politely* “No.”

Me: “…Sorry?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

(The customer’s friend looks a bit annoyed at the customer, like he’s done this before, but doesn’t offer a name either.)

Me: “Well, it’s busy tonight and I may not be the one giving out the pizza, so if there isn’t a name they may not know whose pizza it is.”

Customer: “I just don’t want my name on the computer.”

Me: “Well, I could put a fake name down instead?”

Customer: *rolls his eyes, and then replies* “Fine, just put down Slartibartfast.

Me: “…Slartibartfast?”

Customer: “I told you it didn’t matter!”

(He then walks off before I can reply to his name; I’m a huge fan of Douglas Adams myself. When his pizza comes out, I call out his name.)

Me: “Slartibartfast and the hoopy frood Zaphod Beeblebrox?”

(Both men laugh as they collect the pizza. The next time they came back, it was a pizza for Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect!)

Seeing Red

| NY, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(Two customers approach the concession stand.)

Customer: “I’d like a small red slushie.”

Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with that!”

(I go around the corner and try to get him his drink. The machine is working poorly, and I can’t get anything to come out. I pull the lever as hard as I can, with no success.)

Me: *to my manager* “I think we have a problem.”

(As soon as I say it, the slushie explodes out of the machine, covering me from head to toe and spreading over about a third of the concession stand. I stand there dumbfounded for a moment, then grab a paper towel, wipe off the cup, and bring it back around to the customer, who is obviously trying not to laugh.)

Me: *to his friend* “And can I get you anything?”

Customer’s Friend: *grinning* “Yes. A small red slushie, please!”

Acting Acidic

| South West England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(In addition to salt and vinegar, my chip shop offers customers slices of lemon with their fish.)

Me: “Would you like lemon with your fish, sir?”

Customer: *screaming* “DON’T YOU EVER ASK ME IF I WANT LEMON AGAIN! NEVER PUT LEMON ON MY ORDER!”

Getting A Kick Out Of Tourists

| Australia | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I am working as a waitress in the middle of a city in Australia. We have a large outdoor dining area.)

Customer: *in an American accent* “Excuse me, Miss. I’d like to be moved.”

Me: “As we’re really busy, I’m not sure if we have any spare tables. Is it too hot out here for you?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get my food stolen.”

Me: “By… who? Is someone stealing food?”

Customer: “By the kangaroos! I haven’t seen any today, though. I’ve heard they like to kick you and steal your food.”

Customer’s Australian Friend: “Dude, I was kidding.”

Customer: *shocked* “Oh my God, really?”

Mocha With An Extra Snot

| AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(I am working at a coffee shop and have recently started training a new barista hire. He’s a teenage boy whose parents come to visit him a lot while he’s working. His parents are very snotty and condescending. Their son seems a little bit spoiled and not used to work, but he is very pleasant with the staff and is improving quickly. One day, his parents come in while my coworker is away from the station, so I offer to take their order.)

New Hire’s Mom: “We’ll take a pumpkin muffin, and we want that heated, and a large mocha.”

Me: “Okay, and would you like your mocha latte hot or iced?”

New Hire’s Mom: *narrowing her eyes* “I want my mocha hot, no whipped cream!”

Me: “Okay, that will just take one minute.”

(I read back their order before I ring them up, fully and precisely, as we are required to do to catch any mistakes.)

Me: “So, that’s one muffin and one large mocha latte. That comes to [price].”

New Hire’s Mom: “NO, NO, NO! I said I want a MOCHA! MO-CHA! MO! CHA! Not a mocha latte!”

Me: “I don’t understand. Do you want it to be a mocha cappuccino?”

New Hire’s Mom: “No! I just want a mocha with no latte! Is that so hard for you to understand?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you don’t understand. A mocha is just shorthand for mocha latte; it’s the same thing. The latte part is the espresso and milk, and it becomes a mocha latte when you add chocolate. Without the latte, you would just have the two pumps of syrup.”

(I make the drink and demonstrate the steps for her, explaining how the drink is put together, and point out how the last step with the steam wand can either make it a latte or a cappuccino. When I try to give it to her, she glares at me.)

New Hire’s Mom: “I don’t want that! I asked for a mocha, and that’s wrong!”

Me: “I assure you, it’s the drink you ordered.”

New Hire’s Mom: “No, I always order a mocha. I never get a latte! You’re incompetent! I know what I drink! I get it all the time! My son is a barista here, and he’s better than you!”

Me: “I know, ma’am. I’m the one training him, and he’s still learning the job. I’ve been doing this for some time and know my way around a coffee.”

(My coworker, the new hire, emerges from the kitchen and walks over to greet his parents.)

Me: “Hey, would you like to show your parents what you’ve learned on the machine?”

New Hire: “Yeah! What would you like?”

New Hire’s Mom: *looks smugly at me* “We want a heated pumpkin muffin, and a large mocha.”

(I finish ringing them up. He goes to work and starts showing off, explaining why the fine ground espresso packed tightly makes the drink stronger, what the buttons are for, etc. He is being a great little salesman. The whole time he is demonstrating, his mom looks more and more embarrassed because he is mirroring what I’ve already showed her. When he is finished, I remind him.)

Me: “Don’t forget the last step before you serve!”

New Hire: *proudly* “Here you go, mom! One mocha latte and one hot pumpkin muffin!”

New Hire’s Mom: *takes it and leaves, absolutely livid*

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