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  • De-Engineering Stereotypes
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free

    | Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)

    Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ‘em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”

    Me: *stares wide-eyed*

    Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*

    Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”

    Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”

    Parenting Isn’t A Cake Walk

    | Hamilton, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A mother and her son are sampling several kinds of ice cream, trying to decide what kind of ice cream cake they want. Note that all flavors are clearly labelled with their contents.)

    Customer: “Are there nuts in the pralines ‘n’ cream ice cream? My son is allergic to nuts.”

    Me: “Yes, pralines are nuts. You did not tell me he has a nut allergy. How’s your son, is he okay? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need help?”

    Customer: “So, about my cake…I’m still not really sure what flavors I want. How can I order my cake now? My son’s face is getting itchy.”

    Me: “You should probably just go ahead and take him to the hospital. Can I call someone? Do you want to use my phone? How’s your son doing?”

    Customer: “Yes, I should probably go to the hospital, but then, how will I order my cake? I want this cake. What should I do?”

    Me: “Take a card and call us with a phone order later. You should get your son some help!”

    Customer: “But, about my cake…”

    (She finally takes him to the hospital. Luckily, it is close by!)

    On The Rocks, Easy On The Fun

    | Reno, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    (A guy sits down at the bar and asks for a virgin bloody mary.)

    Me: “One virgin mary, right away.”

    (I turn around to make the drink.)

    Customer: “But no fruit.”

    (I turn back around to confirm the order.)

    Me: “One virgin bloody mary, no fruit.”

    Customer: *nods*

    (I turn around again to go and make the drink.)

    Customer: “And not spicy.”

    Me: “So, you would like a glass of tomato juice?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. A glass of tomato juice.”

    Seedless, We Promise

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are cleaning up at the end of the night at a frozen yogurt shop downtown. Suddenly, a guy walks in.)

    Guy: “You need to buy me a piece of pizza cause I ain’t eaten all day!”

    Me: “The pizza shop in the mall is closed. I can give you a sample of yogurt.”

    (I pour him a sample of acai blueberry yogurt.)

    Guy: “What the h*** is that?”

    Me: “Yogurt.”

    Guy: “Nuh uh, that’s sperm.”

    Me: “This is yogurt.”

    Guy: “Stop trying to give me sperm! I do scientific research and that is HORSE SPERM!” *runs away*

    The Cow Goes Moy

    | Singapore | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)

    Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”

    Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”

    Customer: “And this?”

    Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”

    Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”

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