Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Slice Of Christmas Spirit

| MA, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the holidays. A woman comes in looking for sliced Christmas ham. She is on her cellphone. It is our policy to show the customers the first slice of any product to make sure it’s as thick or thin as they want.)

Me: *holds up first piece of ham* “Ma’am? Is this okay?”

(She waves me away impatiently, and continues gabbing on her phone. I try to get her attention again to no avail.)

Me: *goes back to cutting ham* “Okay.”

(I finish slicing two pounds of ham and put it on the counter. She is still on her phone, so I move on to the next customer. A few minutes later.)

Customer: *shoves ham in my face* “What is this?”

Me: “It’s the ham you ordered, ma’am.”

Customer: “It most certainly is not! It’s too thick! Nobody can eat this!”

Me: “With all due respect, you didn’t answer me. You waved, which I figured meant you okayed the first slice.”

(She picks up the bag of ham and throws it into her basket on the floor, kicks the basket, and scoops it up, stomping off like a child.)

Me: “And a very Merry Christmas to you, too!”

Putting Pickles Before People Will Put You In A Pickle

, | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s very close to Christmas and I’m on my break in the mall’s food court. The line I’m in is long; I notice there’s a customer with a young daughter throwing a fit, which is holding up the line.)

Customer: “I specifically said no pickles! I’m a very busy woman; I don’t have time for you to correct your stupid mistake! You should have gotten it right the first d*** time!”

(The customer continues to rant, at length, about how poor the service is and how she’s too busy to deal with it. This goes on for a few minutes while her daughter looks embarrassed and the rest of the customers in line are getting agitated. Finally, I decide to speak up.)

Me: “Hey! Lady! It’s Christmas! We’re all busy. So how about you shut up, take the pickles off your own d*** sandwich, and stop acting like an a** in front of your kid? We all have lives we’d like to get back to!”

(The customer tries to respond, but stops when she realizes the rest of the customers in line are applauding. She takes her food and drags her daughter off with a huff. The other customers actually push me to the front of the line, where the cashier looks nearly in tears, but is very relieved.)

Cashier: “Thank you so much.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Nobody deserves that kind of attitude today!”

(The cashier gave me a free drink, and the man behind me in line insisted on paying for my order out of ‘The Christmas Spirit’.)

So-da Pressing

, | WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer asks for the manager, and seems clearly upset.)

Manager: “Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes! Why are you using [soda brand] products? You know they have fetuses in them! How dare you use their product?”

Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you there are no—”

Customer: “YES THERE ARE! I want to know why you’re using their product when they have fetuses in them!”

Manager: “Let me get the head manager.”

(She comes back with the head manager.)

Head manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t decide what kind of soda products we use. That is up to corporate to decide. It’s not our personal decision to choose a specific type of soda.”

Customer: “But they have fetuses in them!”

Head manager: “Well, if you would like to complain, I would go ahead and contact corporate about the soda. I’m sorry, but I can’t do more for you.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t believe you would use [soda brand]! They have fetuses in them!”

(I’ve dealt with some unique people at that place, but she takes the cake!)

A Real Life Cookie Monster

| New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

(A middle aged couple comes to my checkout.)

Me: “Hello, how are you?”

Wife: “Fine, thank you.”

Husband: *grumbles*

(I proceed to pack their shopping, when suddenly the male customer starts looking angry.)

Husband: “I think you hate your job! I think you want to quit!”

Me: “Um, no… I quite enjoy it.”

Husband: “Well, you will get fired! You don’t show a proper respect!”

Wife: “Henry, calm down.”

Me: “I don’t know how I offended you, sir.”

Husband: “No, not to me! Show proper respect to those biscuits!”

Venting About Ventis

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a semi-regular patron of a local coffee shop. I witness this exchange taking place.)

Customer: “I’ll take a venti caramel machiatto, a venti iced peppermint mocha, and a venti butterscotch latte.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we don’t offer any of those flavors apart from the peppermint mocha.”

Customer: “Well, of course you offer those. I was just looking at your online menu.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we have never offered venti sizing. We just call it large. And we have never offered caramel machiatto or butterscotch lattes. I’m not sure any coffee shop offers butterscotch lattes.”

Customer: “I want a f***ing caramel machiatto and a butterscotch latte!”

Cashier: “If you’ll look at the menu, we do offer a salted caramel.”

Customer: “I don’t want a f***ing salted caramel. I can’t have salt; I’m on a no-salt diet. Let me speak to your manager.”

(The manager is called, and repeats the same thing the cashier has been saying.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just f***ing make me my f***ing coffee order. It isn’t that difficult! Three venti coffees, one a caramel machiatto, one an iced peppermint mocha, and one a butterscotch latte. For f***’s sake, I order the same thing every day!”

Manager: “That isn’t possible, as we don’t offer two of those drinks. I think you want the [popular coffee chain] down the road.”

Customer: “No, I always come here and get those three drinks! I want my f***ing coffee and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

(Finally, I’ve had enough, and I speak up.)

Me: “Ma’am, they’ve told numerous times that they don’t offer those drinks. You don’t seem to get it, so I’m going to explain it again. This shop does not offer caramel machiattos or butterscotch lattes. They do not refer to their larges as ‘venti’. I’m sure they would be happy to make you a large iced peppermint mocha, but they cannot make you the other drinks. You would have to go somewhere else for them.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my f***ing drinks!”

Me: “Then you’ll be waiting an awfully long time. Meanwhile, there is a line behind you, and I’m now twenty minutes late for class, so if you would kindly get out of the way so I can order?”

(The customer mutters about the quality of service and swears not to come back, but leaves.)

Manager: *to me* “Whatever you’re getting, it’s on the house for getting rid of her. Just don’t try to order a venti.”

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