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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    They’re A Fungus Among Us

    | Texas, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cashier at a grocery store and a customer comes in to return an item.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need to return these mushrooms.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, was there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Yes, they’re a fungus!”

    Me: “Oh, they have something growing on them?”

    Customer: “No! They are a fungus. I’m not eating any fungus!”

    One Does Not Simply Quaff Into Mordor

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Food & Drink

    (In the liquor store I work in, I notice an older man wondering around the store looking very confused. I ask if I can help him find anything.)

    Customer: “Do you have Rivendell?”

    Me:Rivendell?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for Rivendell.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know if we have that here. Are you sure what you’re looking for is called ‘Rivendell?’”

    Customer: “Yes, Rivendell.”

    Me: *hesitantly* “Sir, I believe Rivendell is a city from The Lord Of The Rings.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (We pause and stare at each other for a moment. He pulls his phone out to call the person who sent him to the store. What was he looking for? Zinfandel.)

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    Never Get Between A Man And His Metabolism

    | Singapore | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “So, you can’t consume any food or drink after 12 midnight today—”

    Patient: “Do you want me to starve to death?”

    Me: “Actually, sir, you’re one of the earlier cases. Your reporting time is at 9:30 am.”

    Patient: “I’ll still starve to death! What the h*** are you people trying to do, kill me?!”

    Wilhelmina Wonka & The Chocolate Bakery

    | Florida, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am behind the bakery counter and a woman goes to the bread wall and picks up a loaf of clearly marked “Whole Wheat Italian 5 Grain” bread that happens to be covered in seeds.)

    Customer: *brings loaf to me* “Is this chocolate bread?”

    Me: “Um, excuse me?”

    Customer: “Is this chocolate bread? It’s a dark brown color like chocolate.”

    Me: “It’s ‘Whole Wheat Italian 5 Grain’ bread. It’s labeled right here.” *shows her the label*

    Customer: “Okay, as long as it’s not chocolate bread. My husband is on a diet and cannot have chocolate!”

    Sweet, Sour, Salty, And Swirl

    | Coconut Creek, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at the cake section of our store. A customer is asking me what some of the cake labels mean. Then, we get to the marble cake.)

    Customer: “What does ‘marble cake’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla cake with chocolate cake swirled into it.”

    Customer: “Does it taste different?”

    Me: “No, it’s just vanilla and chocolate”

    Customer: “But it’s swirled. Don’t the swirls taste different?”

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