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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Hashpocalypse Now

    , | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about 5 or 6. He orders a large amount of food.)

    Customer: “And can I get…four hash browns with that?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I type in the total and show it to him.)

    Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

    Me: “That’s how much it is.”

    Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

    (I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

    Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*

    Be Careful What You Assk For

    | UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want some anus anus.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want some anus anus!” *points to a bottle of Anais Anais, pronounced “ah-nah-iss”*

    Me: “Oh, yes, sorry. That’ll be [price]!”

    Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

    Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

    Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”

    Someone’s Been Sliced Down To Size

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “Can I have this loaf of bread sliced?”

    Me: “Absolutely. Would you like that sliced thin or regular?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I want it sliced like this…”

    (He pulls slice of bread from his pocket and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “You can keep that. The wife and I couldn’t agree on how thick it was, so I thought it would be best to bring in a piece from the last loaf and let an expert look at it. ”

    (At this point I’m a little dumbfounded, and trying hard to keep a straight face.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the wife’s idea of four inches and my idea of four inches aren’t exactly the same thing, if you know what I mean.”

    (I slice the loaf of bread for the man and hand it to him.)

    Me: *laughing* “Here’s your bread, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Super Fries Me

    | Hawaii, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working as a register for a fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like an extra large fries.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we have discontinued the extra large fries, sir.”

    Customer: “Just dump the fries into an extra large cup and give it to me!”

    Me: “Um, let me go check with my manager if that’s all right.”

    (While he waits, the customer behaves oddly and starts doing a jig in front of the counter. My manager says to give the customer what he wants.)

    Me: “My manager has agreed to serve you the fries in an extra large cup.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (I ring him up for an extra large soda, and then hand him the cup of fries with the lid on. He pays and inspects the cup.)

    Customer: “I also need you to put soda and ice cream in here. These fries are too dry!”

    Manager: *hesitantly* “Okay…”

    (My manager takes the cup, pours soda and dispenses some ice cream onto the fries, and hands him a fork and spoon as well. The customer walks over to a table and begins eating.)

    Customer: “This tastes funny! I want a full refund!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot do that—”

    (Suddenly, the customer throws the fork and spoon at us and spills some of his cup onto the counter trying to get it on me. He then goes outside and throws the cup into the window, splattering its contents everywhere, before storming off.)

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