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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Food

    | Leeds, UK | Food & Drink

    (We’re serving a table of 30. In each set of dishes, there’s one labelled “no nuts”. The first starter labelled no nuts is a prawn cocktail, so I don’t bother specifying one as no nuts.)

    Patron: “I ordered my prawn cocktail with no nuts. Are you sure there’s no nuts in this?”

    Me: “Positive, madam. The prawn cocktail is made without any nuts at all.”

    Patron: “I don’t believe you. Go and get it remade, and make sure there’s no nuts in it!”

    (I walk back into the kitchen and go to the chef.)

    Chef: “Is something wrong with that one?”

    Me: “No, she just wants one that doesn’t have any nuts in.”

    Chef: “But there’s no nuts in the Prawn Cocktail anyway.”

    (Not wanting to waste a perfectly good dish, I take the same cocktail back out to the customer, albeit with some extra cayenne sprinkled on top to differentiate it. Not surprisingly, she’s delighted.)

    Haagen-Dogs

    | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a grocery store and know that store manager, who is my neighbor.)

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, you guys actually have my favorite ice cream!”

    Me: “Well, that’s good.”

    (I pick up the box of the ice cream and notice a dog on it. Then I notice the name “Purina”.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you know this is ice cream for dogs?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It was in a freezer! I can’t believe [store owner's name] knows someone so stupid!”

    Me: “I can’t believe it either.”

    Hershey’s Misses

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m explaining our desserts to a customer.)

    Me: “We have white, milk, and dark chocolate. You can get a mixture of two of those.”

    Customer: “Well, getting white and dark just doesn’t make sense.”

    Me: “Mind if I ask why not?”

    Customer: “Mixing white and dark chocolate would just make it milk chocolate.”

    Me: “That isn’t how chocolate works, ma’am.”

    To Whom This May (Not) Concern, Part 2

    , | Oregon, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: *holding a bag out the window* “Dave! Bacon cheeseburger and regular fries!”

    Customer: *comes up and grabs the bag* “Thanks!”

    Me: “Hey, I just took your order like a minute ago. Didn’t you get an ice cream cone?”

    Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

    Me: “That’s not an ice cream cone; it’s a bacon cheeseburger and regular fries. Is your name Dave?”

    Customer: “No!” *hands back the bag* “Where’s my cone?!”

    Related:
    To Whom This May (Not) Concern

    Sacred Sushi Time

    | Logan, UT, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, I am with [car company] calling about your recent service visit.”

    Woman: “Why the h*** are you calling me?! It’s sushi time!”

    (At that point, her husband takes the phone away from her.)

    Husband: “Sorry, my wife is just insensitive sometimes.” *to his wife* “Honey, just shut up!” *back to me* “Geez, you called during sushi time.”

    Me: “Uh, well, I just have a survey about your service visit.”

    Husband: “I’d love to do it, but I’m eating. It’s sushi time.”

    Me: “Should I call back, or would you rather just have me remove you from the list?”

    Husband: “It’s sushi time.”

    Me: “I’ll just remove you.”

    Husband: *hangs up*

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