Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Take Your Time, And Ours Too

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Technology, Time

    (Note: I have been trying to help a caller get logged into our website for 20 minutes, but she keeps mistyping her username.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s try this again. Remember that your username is ******. So, try it again and I’ll wait for you to type.”

    Caller: “Okay, I’ll try it again. Just give me a minute to type.”

    (For a few minutes, there is silence. Then, I hear her get up, walk away from the phone, and begin to punch what sounds like microwave buttons. Soon afterwards, I hear popcorn popping.)

    Me: *confused* “Are you still trying to enter your username?”

    Caller: “Oh! Are we still trying to get me logged in? I thought we were just chatting now, and I thought I would make myself a snack!”

    Your Argument Just Went Up In Smoke

    | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young man walks into store, grabs two energy drinks, and then comes to the till to pay. As he’s paying, a middle-aged customer comes into the store.)

    Middle-aged Customer: “I can’t believe they haven’t banned those energy drinks yet! They’re so bad for you. Some kid down in the States died from them!”

    Young Customer: *finishes paying and leaves*

    Middle-aged Customer: “I’ll have two packs of cigarettes, please.”

    Dingbats In The Drive-Thru

    , | Derby, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the drive-thru area of a well known fast food store. I’m taking an order out to a customer who, instead of parking in the designated bays, has parked in the main car park. The car he is parked next to just happens to be mine.)

    Me: “One burger meal?”

    (The customer throws open his door with great speed, slamming it into my car and leaving a noticeable dent. In shock, I drop his paper bag.)

    Customer: “What on EARTH do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “You just hit my car!”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realise it was yours.”

    (At this point I’m too shocked to do anything other than stand there and try not to cry.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to compensate me?”

    Me: “What for?”

    Customer: “You just dropped my food on the floor. I demand a full refund and maybe some extras.”

    Me: “Sir, you just dented my car with extreme force. I don’t particularly feel inclined to do anything other than replace the meal I dropped, to be completely honest.”

    Customer: “That is RIDICULOUS! You owe me £5 for that meal!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, if I may please have your insurance details, we’ll see just how much you owe me!”

    Sum Dim Customers

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

    Me: “A…what?”

    Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

    Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

    Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

    Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

    Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

    Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

    Working Like A Dog

    , | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (At our fast food restaurant, a customer walks in with a seeing eye dog. It’s in training with a clearly-marked blue vest and two trainers. However, a customer behind her begins complaining.)

    Customer: “Man, I thought your sign said dogs ain’t allowed!”

    Me: *to a trainer* “Ma’am, it’s a working dog in training, correct?”

    Trainer: “Yes. She has to be trained in public before they’ll allow her to go to a patient.”

    Me: “Sir, she’s a working dog. They’re allowed in public buildings by state law.”

    Customer: “Man, that’s bulls***!”

    Me: “Why’s that, sir?”

    Customer: “That dog don’t work here!”

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