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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Mammary Fallacy

    | High Falls, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What desserts do you have?”

    Me: *lists bunch of other desserts* “…and Turtle Cheesecake.”

    Customer: “Is that made with turtle’s milk? Because I’ve heard of goat’s milk cheesecake.”

    Me: “No, sir, it has caramel, chocolate, and nuts, like the candy ‘turtles’. Turtles don’t produce milk.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt

    | Manchester, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m putting the salad on a customer’s sandwich.)

    Customer: “What’s that black thing on there?”

    (I check to see if I’ve put olives on the sandwich by mistake.)

    Me: “What black thing?”

    Customer: “That big black thing right there!”

    (I check again.)

    Me: “Erm, that’s the shadow of my hand.”

    Customer: “I don’t want that. Take it off!”

    Me: *moves hand*

    Customer: “That’s better.”

    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 5

    | British Columbia, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (A young man in his early 20s approaches the counter. He is dressed very much like a typical frat boy.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get cotton candy and cake batter ice cream mixed together? And when you put it in the bowl, can you put the cone on top like a hat and make a smiley face out of gummy bears?”

    Me: “Awww, sure! Who’s it for?”

    Customer: *quite seriously* “Me!”

    Me: “Awesome.”

    Related:
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 4
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends

    Try Our New De Caf Bonne Nuit Blend

    | UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: *angrily* “Get your manager. I have a complaint!”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Just a moment, please.”

    (I get the manager.)

    Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: *still angry* “Yesterday evening, I ordered six cups of coffee to go because I had work to do, but I fell asleep after an hour! My work is ruined! I’m going to sue your a**!”

    Manager: “What flavor did you order?”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “A french flavor…de Caf!”

    Peppered With Inconsistency

    | Clifton Park, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like your tuna jalapeño sub without the jalapeños.”

    Me: “Okay, so you’d like a tuna sub?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like a tuna jalapeño sub without the tuna!”

    Me: “You want a veggie sub?”

    Customer: “No, you’re not listening! Give me a tuna jalapeño sub without the jalapeños!”

    (I just start making a tuna sub without saying another word.)

    Me: “And what kind of veggies would you like?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, tomato, and…hmm…how about jalapeños?

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