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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Self Serve And Self Deserved

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My job is to bring drinks to the table and take away the dirty plates.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]! I’ll go ahead and get your drinks. The buffet is ready when you are.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (I bring their drinks to the table and see that they are still there and have not gotten up to get their plates. I go about my business. About 10 minutes later, I see they are still sitting at their table with no food in front of them.)

    Me: “Are you waiting on someone?”

    Customer: “There you are! We’re starving! I’ll start off with chicken, corn, and mashed potatoes.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the buffet is over there and you can help yourself.”

    Customer: “You mean we have to get it ourselves?”

    Customer #2: “Can’t you get our food for us?”

    Me: “Are you disabled?”

    Customer: “No, we’re not.”

    Me: “The buffet is self-serve. The plates are up at the buffet.”

    (Needless to say, I didn’t get a tip.)

    Dangerously Cheesy

    | John's Creek, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Where is your mad cow cheese?”

    Me: “Mad cow cheese, ma’am? Do you mean Laughing Cow cheese?”

    Customer: “No! Mad cow cheese! Everyone carries it.”

    (At this point, I’m trying really hard not to laugh even though other customers are. I ask her to follow me and I show her the laughing cow cheese.)

    Customer: “Yes! Mad cow cheese!” *takes cheese and continues shopping*

    (I walk back to the area I work in, where another regular customer is waiting.)

    Another customer: *laughs* “It’s okay, you can laugh now.”

    Because Every Day Is A Special Day

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

    Can’t Spell Without Without With

    , | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink

    (A customer pulls up in our drive thru. Note that our bacon cheeseburger is made exactly the same as our cheeseburger, except for the bacon. The bacon cheeseburger is also more expensive.)

    Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon. Just mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Okay, so a cheeseburger with only mayo and ketchup.”

    Customer: “No, a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, and only mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Well, our cheeseburger is made exactly the way we make our bacon cheeseburger, except it has bacon on it and it costs more. So a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon is a cheeseburger.”

    Customer: “NO! You don’t understand! I want a BACON CHEESEBURGER, with NO BACON, just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “I understand ma’am, but if I charge you for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, it’s more expensive than buying a cheeseburger, which is the same thing.”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! I want a bacon cheeseburger with NO BACON! Just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “All right then.” *charges her for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon* “That will be $*.** at the first window.”

    (The customer comes up to the window and reads her receipt, looking satisfied.)

    Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

    The Usual, As Usual As Possible

    | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    Caller: “Can I get 3 pizzas and an order of bread sticks?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Caller: “But I don’t want the bread like you usually make it.”

    Me: “Okay, how would you like it?”

    Caller: “I want it softer to bite into.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “But i don’t want it lightly done.”

    (The caller pauses, and I’m not sure what to say.)

    Caller: “…and I don’t want it burnt.”

    Me: *lightbulb turns on* “Okay, so you would like it normal?”

    Caller: “Yes.”


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