Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

(I’m standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

Cashier: “Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?”

Drunk teen: “No, I don’t. Why?”

Cashier: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please.”

Drunk teen: “What, just because I have no ID?”

Cashier: “Among other things, yes. You can’t prove you’re 18, and you’re clearly drunk, which means you’re not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don’t be difficult; just leave.”

(The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

Drunk teen: “Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I’ll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!” *flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

(The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he’s behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

Cashier: *very calmly* “No, you won’t. Now you’re becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You’d better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you’ll regret later.”

Drunk teen: “F*** you! I’m gonna bash you man! I’m gonna beat your face!”

Cashier: *cracks up laughing* “Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point.” *takes a step outside the shop* “Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse.”

(At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that’s he’s in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

Drunk teen: “Uh… uh… I’m… I’m gonna hurt you man!”

Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* “No. You’re going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you’re going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you’re going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God.”

(The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing Bale-Batman voice* “Get the f*** out of here. Now!”

(The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

Putting The Sub Into Subservient

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I’m training at the back of a sandwich store with a coworker, when we notice that our other coworker on service needs help. Note: we have a promotion that makes any foot-long sandwich $6.00 between 11 pm and 11 am.)

Customer: “No! How much is that?! [Your coworker] just said ‘no’!”

Me: “Pardon me, miss, what seems to be the—”

Customer: “You have a sign outside that says every sub is six dollars.”

Me: “Yes, that’s true.”

Customer: “But she just said ‘no’!”

Coworker: “Miss, all foot-long subs -are- six dollars right now.”

(Suddenly, the customer lunges at my colleague. Her boyfriend immediately grabs her and pulls her to him.)

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Babe, calm down.”

Customer: “…Okay. Look: my boyfriend just asked if my sub was the same price. And you said no.”

Coworker: “Right! Yes. Because your sub is a six inch, and is cheaper.”

Customer: “But your sign says they’re ALL six dollars! And you said ‘no’!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Babe, you’ve got to calm down.”

Coworker: “Yeah, because your sub is only six inches long. It’s cheaper.”

Customer: *glares at us*

Me: “Regardless, your sub is only four dollars, miss.”

Customer: *turning on me, wildly* “No! I’m not paying for that! She said ‘no’!” *gestures to her boyfriend’s foot-long* “He’s paying for that, and that’s it! *turns to her boyfriend* “And don’t you ever grab me again!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Oh, yeah, I’m the one in trouble here.”

(The boyfriend and I finish the transaction for his foot-long while the girlfriend paces angrily outside.)

Me: “Here’s your change… and good luck.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Thanks. I’ll need it.”

Sweet Injustice

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink

Customer: “I will have [very sweet] pie.”

Me: “Great. This pie is very sweet, and we recommend it with a scoop of ice cream for an extra dollar. Or, a glass of milk if you want.”

Customer: “No, just the pie is fine. I’m not paying an extra dollar.”

(Later, when they are paying…)

Customer: “Um, just so you know, that pie that I had was really sweet. I almost couldn’t eat it. You should really serve it with ice cream or a glass of milk of something!”

Trouble Brewing, Part 3

| Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer buys a big bottle of beer and takes it out of the store in a brown paper bag as required by law. He returns a few seconds later with only the bag, and this conversation takes place.)

Customer: “Hey, there’s glass all over your parking lot.”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “Oh, I dropped my beer.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I grab the broom and dustpan and tell my co-worker to mind the till while I sweep it up. As I’m on the way out the door, the customer stops me.)

Customer: “So, can I get another bottle of beer?”

Me: “Why wouldn’t you get another bottle of beer?”

Customer: “No, I mean, don’t I get a free one?”

Me: “Why would you get a free beer?”

Customer: “I dropped it in your parking lot!”

Related:
Trouble Brewing, Part 2

Someone Is Telling Porkies

| Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

(The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

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