Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,941 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet, Part 2

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (Our shop sells a variety of desserts. The lady who owns the shop loves small kids, and insists that we add small extras for them. She often doesn’t even charge polite children. It’s a busy day when a woman and her young son approach the counter. The son can’t be older than 4. He looks terribly excited and is clutching a coin as though his life depends on it.)

    Young Son: “Could I please have a…single chocolate ice cream?”

    Mother: “You shouldn’t say ‘please’ to her. Only to people you know.”

    Young Son: *sadly* “Oh…I’m sorry, Missus Ice Cream Lady. Am I still allowed a single chocolate ice cream?”

    Mother: “No, don’t apologise, either! Just say what you want and don’t talk to her. You’ll waste good manners otherwise.”

    Young Son: “Oh, okay…I would please like a single chocolate ice cream and nothing else.”

    Mother: “No, you said please again! Look, it’s not that hard! Your manners are terrible!”

    (As this goes on, I start making the ice cream. The boy’s eyes slowly move from his mother’s weird demands to the ice cream as I make it bigger and bigger, adding extra cream, berries, sprinkles, and anything I can think of. His face goes from confusion to a grin to a dropped jaw of awe. The final product is almost as big as his head.)

    Me: “Here you go, young man! You’re the politest customer I’ve had today, and polite customers always get rewarded! If there were more customers like you, wouldn’t the world be a nicer place?”

    Mother: “Ugh! He’s not supposed to be polite to people on minimum wage!”

    Me: *ignores her* “Thank you, young man, for battling the forces of rudeness and for making the world a better place!”

    (I refuse payment, because apparently the coin the boy is the boy’s ‘life savings’. The mother storms off berating him, although her son is oblivious due to his enormous ice cream. The next day, him and all his friends come for ice cream. All are super polite, so they all got extra large ones at half price.)

    Related:
    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    Things Every Employee Must Grow Accustomed To

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (While putting out some stock in the organic produce section of a small grocery store, I get asked this question by a well-to-do customer his early thirties.)

    Customer: “Is this all your organic stuff?”

    Me: “Yep, everything on this wall.”

    Customer: “Great! What about the rest of the produce? Is it safe to eat?”

    Me: “Yeah, they might have just used pesticides and whatnot on them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but are they still grown on trees, or are they all made in a factory?”

    Me: “No…they’re all still grown on trees and in fields.”

    Customer: “So, they’re all still grown on trees and stuff?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!” *walks off*

    (Another customer has heard our conversation and turns to me.)

    Another Customer: “They don’t pay you nearly enough, do they?”

    Complimentary Vs. Complimentary

    | Brighton, UK | Food & Drink, Money

    (Having just eaten a generous serving of risotto, a customer waves me over, pointing to his empty plate.)

    Me: “Hi there. Everything alright with your meal?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m still hungry. I’d like some more.”

    Me: “There are dessert menus on the tables and specials on the board—”

    Customer: “No. I want more of this.”

    Me: “Sure. Another risotto will be £6.95, please.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to PAY! I just want some more. You should take it as a compliment!”

    There’s No Amounting For Taste

    | Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in an ice cream shop. Our chocolate shakes are made with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, rather than chocolate ice cream.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Can I get a large chocolate shake?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Make sure it’s not too heavy on the chocolate!”

    (I make the shake, using about half the usual amount of chocolate sauce, and hand it to the woman.)

    Customer: *doesn’t even taste the shake* “No, no, this is way too much chocolate! I needed EASY chocolate.”

    (I remake the shake, using only about a quarter of the usual amount. Again, I hand it to the customer, who glances at it without tasting it.)

    Customer: *condescendingly* “Are you even listening to me? I’m a diabetic. I can not have too much sugar! Is that really too much to ask?”

    (I make the shake a third time, this time adding no chocolate sauce whatsoever. I hand her the shake.)

    Customer: *tastes her chocolateless chocolate shake* “THERE, that’s perfect. Was that really so hard?!”

    To Bacon, Or Not To Bacon, That Is The Digestion

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am taking a table’s order.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. What can I get for you to eat?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger, but if they add bacon to it, I don’t want bacon.”

    Me: “So, do you want a regular cheeseburger?”

    Customer: “No. I want my burger to have bacon on it. But if it comes with bacon, then I don’t want bacon.”

    (I have absolutely no idea what he is asking for, and all his friends seem to be as confused as I am.)

    Me: “Okay, just to make sure I am understanding you correctly, I am going to repeat what you are asking for.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “You want a bacon cheeseburger, and if there is bacon on it, you don’t want the bacon.”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “But you definitely want the bacon on the burger.”

    Customer: “Right.”

    (Now all his friends are laughing, and I have no idea what to say. Suddenly, the customer realizes what he’s been saying.)

    Customer: “PICKLES! Oh my God, I don’t want PICKLES on the burger!”

    Me: “Oh, thank God! I was starting to think I went crazy!”

    Page 171/261First...169170171172173...Last