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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Who’s Dating Who

    | California, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work as a server in a popular restaurant. This happens on the toughest day of the restaurant year: Valentine’s Day. A couple in their 20s has just been served their meal.)

    Me: “How are you both doing this evening? Can I bring you anything else?”

    Customer: “We aren’t doing very well at all! You aren’t doing nearly as much as you can to make my lady feel special!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was trying to make you both feel special this evening. I thought you might want to be the one to make your lady feel extra special.”

    Customer: “It’s not my job to make her feel special. It’s your job!”

    Customer’s date: *looks like she wants to die of embarrassment*

    Warning: Reacts Poorly To Chemistry

    , | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “And a cheeseburger with—” *mumbling*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but with what?”

    Customer: “No salt. S, A, L, T.”

    Me: “Oh, salt, like sodium chloride…NaCl. Sure.”

    Customer: “What!?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m a chemistry nerd.”

    Customer: “What’s NaCl?”

    Me: “Sodium chloride. The chemical name for table salt. I just left school so I am in that mindset.”

    Customer: “You put chemicals in your burgers!?”

    Size Matters, Part 6

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (A lady and her daughter walk in.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Daughter: “Can I have the waffle cone with a scoop of coconut ice cream?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure. Here you go.” *hands over ice cream*

    Customer: “What sizes do you have for snow cones?”

    Me: “I have a $2 cup and a $2.50 cup.” *shows her sizes*

    Customer: “Do you have a $1.50 cup?”

    Me: “No, I have $2 and $2.50.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have one exactly like my daughter’s.”

    Me: “A $2 coconut waffle cone?”

    Customer: “No, I want it in a cup…and make it strawberry.”

    Me: “So, not exactly like hers.”

    Customer: “No, I guess not. Wait…never mind. I’ll have a small snow cone.”

    Me: “Okay, what flavor?”

    Customer: “I’ll have the strawberry.”

    Me: “Okay. There you go.” *hands over the small strawberry snow cone*

    Customer: “Oh, you made it small? When I said small, I meant big! I thought you would understand.”

    Me: “No. You said small, so I gave you small.”

    Customer: “Well, I wanted the large one, but it’s okay. It was your mistake.”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

    , | New Orleans, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like to buy some top round meat. Are those good for grilling?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, not really. It’s part of the leg and they’re better to marinate first because it’s kind of a tough muscle.”

    Customer: “Oh, no I don’t want the muscle. Just give me the meat!”

    Vegetable Innuendos

    | Chico, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m at the farmer’s market selling cucumbers when two little old ladies come up.)

    Little Old Lady #1: “Those are some nice cucumbers.”

    Little Old Lady #2, to #1: “I’ve got a nice bug cucumber back at home for you.”

    Little Old Lady #1, to me: “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”


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