Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

At Lagerheads, Part 2

| Reading, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am working late at a local pizzeria. I’m already pretty aggravated due to having to cover someone else’s shift who called off that night, but I have managed to keep my cool. A customer calls in on the phone to place an order for delivery. He sounds fairly plastered already but is polite enough so I begin to take his order.)

Me: “What can I get for you tonight, sir?”

Customer: “I’d like two plain pizzas, a cheese steak stromboli, an order of hot wings, and a six pack of Heineken.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t deliver beer.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Well, sir, we just don’t. It’s against company policy. Now, can I get your name and address so we can send your food out to you?”

Customer: “Sure, but I’d like to change the order.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, what’s it going to be?”

Customer: “Well I said two plain pizzas, but now I’d like you to reach down your pants and tear out a large handful of pubic hair and toss it on top of my pizzas.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir; that’s complimentary and is included in each and every one of our meals free of charge.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’ll be in to pick it up shortly.”

(I figured he was way too drunk to drive over, so I didn’t make his order. I was right.)

Related:
At Lagerheads

Help’s Kitchen

| TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(I work at the continental breakfast bar at a chain hotel. My job is to make sure the food is constantly filled and the tables are wiped down. A little boy, maybe three or four years old, is sitting with his parents. The boy is screaming, throwing food, and in general causing a racket. While wiping down tables, I hear their exchange.)

Boy: “I don’t want to go!”

(Despite his mother trying to reassure him, he continues to scream.)

Father: “You know what? Fine. We’ll leave you here. Come on, honey.”

(The father makes a big show of gathering his wife’s purse and their nearby bags. The boy looks extremely satisfied. I chime in.)

Me: “Oh, no! Don’t do that!”

Boy: “…Why?”

Me: “That’s what my parents did to me! The hotel wouldn’t let me stay in my room, so they put me to work serving breakfast!”

Boy: “They wouldn’t do that!”

Me: “Well, I was too little to make food, so they had me crawl under the fridge and clean it because it was so dusty.”

(I cast a glance toward the kitchens.)

Me: “You could probably fit under there.”

(Any skepticism on the boy’s face is long gone. He bursts into tears and apologizes to his parents. His mother calms him down. As the family leaves, the father mouths ‘thank you’ at me. I made a child cry, but I got a positive review online from the family!)

The Absence Of The Lambs

| Dunedin, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have any mutton pies?”

Me: “No, sorry we don’t.”

Customer: “I’ll have one of your mutton pies, thanks.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any mutton pies.”

Customer: “Are your mutton pies done in the Scotch style?”

Me: “No… because we don’t have any.”

Customer: “Can I grab two of the mutton pies, then?”

Me: “No, because we haven’t got any. I don’t even think we have any lamb pies either, for that matter.”

Customer: “Well, can I get a lamb pie, then?”

Me: “I’ll check if we have any, but I don’t think we do. Hey Shaun! We got any lamb?”

Shaun: “No! Don’t have any!”

Me: “Steve, we got any—”

Steve: “NO!”

Me: “Seems we don’t have any lamb, sorry.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Shaun and Steve: *at the same time* “YES!”

Customer: “Oh, well… can I grab a couple of mutton pies, then?”

Me: “No. Because we don’t have any. And we don’t have any lamb either. No lamb or mutton pies.”

Customer: “What do you have then?”

Me: “Well we have mince.”

Customer: “I’ll take a venison pie, thanks.”

Me: “Here’s your pie. Have a nice day.”

(After the customer leaves, the next customer, who has been there through the entire conversation, steps up.)

Next Customer: “What an idiot, aye?”

Me: “Well, it takes all sorts. So, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I grab a lamb pie, thanks?”

A Gruel-ing Customer

| MD, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks up. I’ve been working the registers for awhile.)

Customer: “I never got my soup.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of soup?”

Customer: “The vegetable—he called for it!”

(I recognize the customer from just a few minutes ago. I pull up her order on the register just to confirm if she had paid for it, which she did not.)

Me: “All right, would you like to pay for it separately or—”

Customer: “I already paid.”

Me: “Well, actually ma’am, I rang you up, and you never said you had soup so I didn’t ring you up for it.”

Customer: “I did; I said I got the combo!”

Me: “Well, my apologies; did you want to pay for it on the—”

Customer: “I don’t have any cash; I only have my card. I can’t pay for it!”

(I pause because that doesn’t make any sense. However, I decide to let her have the soup for free.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, don’t—”

Customer: “Just keep it. I can’t pay for it!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, if you hadn’t interrupted me, I was about to say ‘Don’t worry about it, you can have it for free.'”

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

(She takes it and hurries away. She didn’t even say thank you.)

A Good Idea On Paper

| State College, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I have the opening shift at a well-known steak chain. It’s a weekday and typically pretty slow to start off. I get my first table: an older man and his grandson. I leave to get their drink orders, and come back to see the boy wearing origami boots on his fingers made out of $1 bills.)

Me: “That’s some pretty fly kicks you got there. Did you make them yourself?”

Boy: “My pap just made them for me! We’re learning about origami in art class, and he showed me how to make shoes so I can impress my teacher.”

Man: “Don’t expect her to just hand out dollar bills so you can show everyone.” *chuckles*

Boy: “Pap, show me another!”

Man: “That’s the only one I know.”

Me: “That’s a pretty neat trick! I need to learn how to do that when I give people their change. Hey, I know how to make a paper frog; want me to show you? It hops and everything. We used to race note card frogs in middle school.”

(The boy gets wide-eyed and nods his head yes.)

Man: “A frog you say? Let’s see it!”

(The man pulls out another dollar from his wallet. I fashion it into a frog. It hops just enough to make the boy get really excited.)

Boy: “No way! How did you do that?”

(They are still my only table at this point, so I take the time to sit down, and teach the boy how to do that, who thinks it’s the coolest thing. They finish up their meals, pay their check, and leave the restaurant. I notice they tip me very well on their card. However, when I get back to clean up their table, there are 10 little boots sitting by the man’s plate made from various dollar bills along with a note.)

Note: “We thought you needed some fly kicks, so here’s one for each finger.”

(I unravel the bills to discover an additional $36. It was a great start to my shift!)

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