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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Piece Of Cake

    | Hillsboro, OR, USA | Food & Drink

    (Note that I am not the cake decorator at my store. I have no clue how to build or frost cakes. On this particular day, I am working alone.)

    Customer: “Is this ice cream cake vanilla flavored?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s vanilla ice cream on white cake.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, white cake?”

    Me: “I mean, there’s white cake inside.”

    Customer: “There’s cake in there?”

    Me: “Um, well, yes. It is an ice cream cake. It’s made with ice cream and cake.”

    Customer: *looking distressed* “Oh…but, I don’t want cake! I want all ice cream! Can you take the cake part out for me?”

    Me: “Um, well, I’m not the decorator, so I don’t think–”

    Customer: “Just take out the cake part, frost it really quick, and I’ll buy it like that. It can’t be that hard.”

    Me: “So…you want me to scrape all the frosting off, take out the cake and throw it out, and then re-frost it for you real quick?”

    Customer: “Is that not possible?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but no.”

    (She ends up buying the cake anyway, but complains under her breath the entire process.)

    Locally Grown, Organic, Pesticide-Free Love

    | Grocery StoreMcBride, BC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m working in the deli department of the supermarket. A customer approaches me with a container of our fruit salad.)

    Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Did you make the fruit salad?”

    Me: “Yes, I did. We make our fruit salads fresh every morning.”

    Customer: “Did you make it with plenty of love?”

    Me: *laughs*

    Customer: “Is that a yes?”

    Color Me Stupid, Part 2

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a place that sells ice cream and Italian ice.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I want something blue!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything blue today. Our flavors are listed on the board to your right.”

    Customer: *ignoring the flavor list* “Well, then, I want green!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we also don’t have anything green today. We only have the flavors on the board.”

    Customer: “You don’t have lemon!?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said you wanted green. But yes, we do have lemon.”

    Customer: “Wait! Lemons aren’t green?”

    Related:
    Color Me Stupid

    Can’t Spell Without Without With, Part 2

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place while the customer is ordering at the drive-through speaker.)

    Customer: “I want a [popular combo].”

    Me: “What kind of drink?”

    Customer: “No drink.”

    Me: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “No, I also want a Dr. Pepper on the side.”

    Related:
    Can’t Spell Without Without With

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 3

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

    Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

    Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

    Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

    Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

    Related:
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide


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