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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Sauce Of Her Entitlement

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (10 hours into my shift, an entitled, belligerent customer begins barking out orders. After an arduous ordering process, her meal arrives.)

    Customer: “WHAT is THIS?”

    Me: “That’s the broiled seafood platter you ordered, miss. May I provide any other sides or sauces to complement your meal?”

    Customer: “What IS this?”

    Me: “Oh, that small cup of cocktail sauce? We provide cocktail sauce with all of our shrimp meals, as it is commonly requested.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t LIKE cocktail sauce! I won’t eat it!”

    Me: “Not a problem; you’re under no obligation to do so!”

    Customer: “I SAID that I don’t LIKE it! TAKE IT OFF MY PLATE!”

    (Although startled, I comply.)

    Customer: “Bring me something else!”

    Me: “Would you like drawn butter?”

    Customer: “I want shrimp sauce!”

    Me: “Cocktail sauce is the condiment we most commonly pair with our shrimp, but I’d be happy to bring you samples of our remoulade, tartar, hot sauce, Asian sauce—”

    Customer: “ASIAN sauce? What is that?”

    Me: “It’s similar to sweet and sour sauce.”

    Customer: “Is it spicy?”

    Me: “Mostly, it’s sweet and sour. I don’t find it spicy at all, but I can’t predict how it will taste to you.”

    Customer: “Ugh, you’re no help! Fetch me the sauce your executive chef recommends! Unlike you, he’ll know!”

    (Upon recommendation, I offer the Asian sauce.)

    Customer: “UGH! This is spicy! You lied to me!”

    Me: “I apologize; I did not intend to mislead you. Would you like to try another sauce?”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just bring me shrimp sauce! That’s what I want! You aren’t very good at this, are you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; the only ‘shrimp sauce’ we carry is cocktail sauce.”

    Customer: “Wait, cocktail sauce? That sounds about right. Bring that out immediately!”

    (The woman happily devours her cocktail sauce, casting me death stares all the while.)

    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (There is an annual bar crawl. The street is almost literally filled with people who can’t even stand. I am a customer waiting in line.)

    Drunk Girl: “There… should be… more…”

    (She is digging through her purse for cash.)

    Drunk Girl: “Um…”

    (The drunk girl hands the cashier her lighter and other various objects as she digs through her purse.)

    Drunk Girl: “How much more do you need?”

    Cashier: “$8.56.”

    Drunk Girl: “Randy?”

    (She starts looking around for her boyfriend, who has wandered off. Then she looks at me.)

    Drunk Girl: “You’re not Randy… but can I owe you $8.56?”

    (The cashier gives me a look of desperation. Seeing as this has been taking quite a long time, and I feel bad for the cashier, I take out my card to pay.)

    Me: “Sure, add it together with my stuff.”

    Drunk Girl: “Thank you!”

    Me: “You’re welcome.”

    (The drunk girl proceeds to just walk out of the store without her purse or groceries.)

    Cashier & Me: “Miss! Your purse!”

    (The cashier and I exchange looks.)

    Me: “Good luck tonight.”

    Cashier: “Thanks!”

    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

    Make Love Sandwiches Not War

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am the overnight manager. It is a half an hour into my shift, and we are getting a bit busy in the deli area. The evening manager hasn’t left yet, so he is at the back helping the deli employee finish the hoagie orders that are still up on the board. A customer who has just picked up her food order stomps over to the register where I am working.)

    Customer: “I’m not happy! When I come in here, I want my food made with love! I don’t want it just slapped together!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “You don’t need to rush! I want my food made with care! If I am paying good money for this, I want it made with love!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “This is a legitimate complaint! I can’t believe this! I am never shopping at this store again!” *stomps out*

    Seize The (Mother’s) Day

    , | VA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is Mother’s Day, and my mother has had a hard and disappointing day. Due to a failed dinner by her husband, I take her to a fast-food restaurant at about 9pm. She starts speaking at the counter.)

    Mom: “Happy Mother’s Day to me, at [fast food restaurant] at nine at night.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I’ve been here all day.”

    Mom: “Oh, really!? Wow.”

    (We finish ordering and eat our food. As we are leaving, my mother is staring into the kitchen. The cashier, thinking we need something, comes over. We wave her away. We get into the car, but my mother stops me from starting the engine.)

    Mom: “I have decided we should do something for the woman in there. Here I was complaining, while they have been working all day. They probably weren’t able to spend time with their families.”

    (We drive to the nearby store. She buys two bouquets of flowers, and two boxes of chocolates. We go back to the restaurant. My mom approaches the cashier.)

    Mom: “You’re a mother, aren’t you?”

    Cashier: “Yes, I am.”

    Mom: “Well, I thought you deserved these.”

    (Mom gives the woman the flowers and chocolates. The cashier thanks her repeatedly, looking on the verge of tears. My mother leaves feeling a lot better. Even though her day wasn’t what she had hoped it would be, she at least got to make someone else’s better.)

    I Say Toh-May-Toh, You Say Burger

    | Williamsburg, VA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am ordering fast-food with my friend. He does not like tomato or pickles, and I do not like onions or pickles.)

    Friend: “I’ll have a burger with no tomato and no pickles.”

    (The employee takes rest of his order, and then it’s my turn.)

    Me: “I’ll have a tomato; no pickle, no onions.”

    Employee: “What?”

    Me: “I’ll have a tomato; no pickle, no onions.”

    Employee: “What?”

    (I get agitated, wondering what’s so difficult.)

    Me: “I want a tomato; no pickle, no onions!”

    Friend: “Dude, what are you saying?”

    Me: “I said I want a tomato with no pickle and no onions—”

    (I finally realize what I’ve been saying.)

    Me: “Wait… wow… sorry! I’ll have a burger, with no pickle and no onions.”

    (We all burst out laughing at my silliness.)

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