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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Bigotry Gets Served

    , | Boca Raton, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a customer standing in line behind another customer at a Mexican fast-food restaurant.)

    Cashier: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Excuse me, but you gay?”

    Cashier: “Um…I mean…yeah, but I don’t see what that—”

    Customer: *menacing* “I’m gonna need you to leave this here store, so a good Christian can take my order. Got that?!”

    (The manager has overheard all this and walks over.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’re going to have to leave.”

    Customer: “Are you discriminating on me ’cause I’m a Christian?”

    Manager: “No, sir, I am not. I am also a Christian.”

    Customer: “And you, a claimed Christian, hired this sodomite?”

    Manager: “I hired this man because he does his job extremely well and is a good employee.”

    Customer: “But he’s a sodomite!”

    Manager: “You need to leave, now.”

    Customer: “I ain’t leavin ’til I get my here IMMIGRANT food from a good Christian!”

    (Fed up, hungry, and in a rush, I speak up.)

    Me: “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I’m in too much of a rush to deal with your bulls***. Since you’re being kicked out, I’m going to give my order to the nice cashier over here. You can also go ahead and get something for yourself on my tab, because no one should have to put up with you!”

    (The four other customers behind me clapped, while the customer screamed, “YOU’RE ALL HEATHENS!” and ran out like he was being chased by Satan. On top of that, I got my order on the house!)

    This Sale Has No Future

    | Bensalem, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Time

    (Note: It is a Sunday afternoon.)

    Customer: “How much is a bag of mussels?”

    Me: “They’re $2.99.”

    Customer: “Are they on sale?”

    Me: “Yes, they are.”

    Customer: “How long are they going to be on sale?”

    Me: “They’re on sale until Saturday.”

    Customer: “So, do you mean next Saturday, or yesterday?”

    Flaws And Effect

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (We used to have a candy topping for a certain holiday drink. It was discontinued because people found it unpleasant. One customer went as far as to claim that a barista “must have dropped fried rice from their lunch into the drink”. There had been a minor incident over it, and the customer was outraged. This takes place the following year in the drive-thru.)

    Coworker: “Hi, here’s your latte! Have a nice night.”

    Customer: “Where’s the candied ginger from last year? I only ordered this because I wanted the ginger. I’m not going to enjoy my drink as much now!”

    Coworker: “Well, we don’t use it any more because people didn’t like it. Someone even insisted there was rice in their drink! Isn’t that kind of funny?”

    Customer: “Oh yes…I remember. Uh…that was me, actually.” *drives away sheepishly*

    Picked At The Peaks Of Flavor

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work as a server at a vegan cafe when a girl in her twenties walks in.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a coffee to start. One sugar, two cream.”

    Me: “Sorry, we actually don’t have cream, but we use soy milk.”

    Customer: “Uh, what? Soy milk? Like beans? You put beans in your coffee? That’s gross. Who would put beans in their coffee?”

    Me: “Actually, it’s pretty good, and coffee is actually made of coffee beans, right?”

    Customer: “Haha, could you imagine that? That would be soooo gross!”

    Me: “Well, you could think of coffee beans like seeds, too. But anyway, is soy milk okay in your coffee?”

    Customer: “Seeds?! Haha, imagine that! No, it’s just rich dirt.”

    Me: “Uh, what’s ‘rich dirt’?’

    Customer: “Coffee, duh! You know…the brown powder that they dig from mountains!”

    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air, Part 3

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (One late night at the diner where I work, a customer comes in late at night, obviously drunk. She orders three pork chops, hash browns with all the toppings, and eggs.  The customer eats everything on the plates then calls me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “My hash browns had peppers in them. I’m deathly allergic! I need you to give me the food for free.  I have to go to the hospital.

    Me: “Do you need me to call an ambulance?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, no, no. I can get there on my own. Just give me the food for free.”

    Me: ”I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. You ate all of your food and you seem fine.”

    Customer: “Then give me a discount, half off. I’m allergic to peppers! You gave them to me! I’m going to sue you!”

    Me: ”Ma’am, you seem fine, and you obviously saw and tasted the peppers, yet you ate it anyway. I can’t give you a discount.”

    Customer: *starts breathing heavily* “You did this to me…” *gasps for air* “…and you won’t give me my food for free! I’m suing you!”

    Me: ”That’s okay, but you still have to pay. I’ll have to call the police if you don’t pay.”

    Customer: *abruptly stops breathing heavily, pays, walks out, and gives everyone the middle finger*

    Related:
    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air, Part 2
    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air

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