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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    I’ll Have My Pride To-Go

    , | TN, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [fast food restaurant]. What can I get for you tonight?”

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Cheeseburger.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup on that?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “So, all three on the burger?”

    Customer: “NO, D*** IT! JUST ONE CHEESEBURGER!”

    Me: “Yes sir, but would you like mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup on the cheeseburger?”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Are you still there?”

    Customer: “I want a Coke!”

    Me: *regretting my life choices*

    Eye Can’t Believe It

    , | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant's name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have—”

    (The customer finally makes eye contact and then stares at me for a couple of seconds.)

    Me: “Ma’am? Is everything all right?”

    Customer: “Your eyes…”

    (I typically get compliments on my blue eyes, so I just smile.)

    Me: “Thank you. What can I get for you?”

    (The customer is still transfixed on my eyes.)

    Customer: *slowly* “Are… they real?”

    Me: “Um, yes.”

    Customer: “Are they yours?”

    Me: *laughing* “No, I stole them from a corpse.”

    (I realize that she thinks I’m serious.)

    Me: “They’re my real eyes! I was born with them.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Positive.”

    Customer: *orders and quickly leaves, staring cautiously at my eyes the whole time*

    Related:
    An Eye For An Eyepatch

    Wake Up And Hell The Coffee

    | Gloucestershire, England, UK | Food & Drink, Religion

    (I’m working the Sunday morning shift in the cafe in the middle of winter. Our cafe is opposite the church.)

    Customer: *comes in from the church, shivering*

    Me: “You look cold.”

    Customer: “Oh, the church central heating is broken again, and the vicar went on and on and on. You’d think he’d have thought to have let us out early when it’s this cold.”

    Me: “Well, what can I get you to warm you up?”

    Customer: “A large latte please…” *perks up suddenly* “…and make it evil, evil, EVIL hot!”

    Your Eating Habits Give Us Paws

    | KY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m working at a supermarket giving out free samples of food. I’ve just prepared a frozen meal of chicken, ravioli and garlic sauce into small sample servings. I sit the samples onto a tray next to some sporks for customers to take and enjoy.)

    Me: *to a customer* ”Hello! Would you like a sample of chicken, ravioli and garlic sauce from [brand]?”

    (The customer looks at product for a moment, and then suddenly grabs the meat and sauce with her bare hands and shovels it into her mouth.)

    Me: “You know, I do have eating utensils for your convenience.”

    Customer: “Nah, that’s okay. I can use my paws!” *wipes garlic sauce-covered fingers all over her clothing and leaves*

    In The Wrong Place At The Right Time

    | PA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m busing tables at a small, family owned restaurant. There is another restaurant about fifteen minutes away with the same name, so we sometimes get mix ups. We are just started to slow down after a fairly busy dinner rush when I overhear the hostess talking to a customer.)

    Hostess: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I placed an order with you guys and I’m here to pick it up.”

    (The hostess checks but sees no order for her.)

    Hostess: “I’m not seeing any order under your name. Are you sure you didn’t accidentally call [other restaurant] instead?”

    Customer: “How DARE you accuse me of being that dumb? Of course I called here! You just can’t do your job right. Look in the back; I’m sure they have it!”

    (The hostess goes to the back waitress station but doesn’t find it. She decides to call the other restaurant, and, sure enough, they have her order.)

    Hostess: “Ma’am, I just called the other restaurant and they have your order. If you’d like, we can put your order in now but it won’t be done for another fifteen minutes.”

    Customer: “NO! I need my food now! Give me someone else’s. I have stuff to do!”

    Hostess: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. You can either drive fifteen minutes to the other restaurant, or you can wait fifteen minutes and get it here.”

    Customer: “Hmph, fine! I guess I’ll wait, but this is the worst service I’ve ever had!”

    (As she waits, the customer stands at the counter while tapping her her foot and staring at her watch. When her food is finally finished, she tears it out of the hostess hands and storms out.)

    Customer: “I’M NEVER COMING TO THIS S***HOLE AGAIN!”

    Next Customer: *to the hostess* “…and we’re all very thankful for that!”

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