Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Some Customers Have Good Taste

, | New York City, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I work at a fast food chain. I have just finished dealing with an absolutely horrendous customer, but I cannot take a break yet. My boss is sympathetic, but a little strict about breaks. I steel myself for the next customer.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “One second, sorry.”

(She is writing something on a slip of paper.)

Customer: “Okay, thanks for waiting. Can I get some sweet tea? Also, that last guy was a jerk. Here!”

(She hands me the piece of paper. It says: ‘notalwaysright.com’.)

Customer: “If you need to feel better, then go here!”

(Thank you so much, miss! I had never heard of this site before today, and I’m so glad you were kind to me!)

Good Honest Coffee

| Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

Regular: “Is [coworker] here?”

Me: “No, is there something I can do for you?”

Regular: “Oh, I was just here yesterday and I was chatting with [coworker], and didn’t pay for my espresso. I’d like to pay for it now.”

(I look at him in shock.)

Regular: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Me: “Because most people aren’t that honest.”

Regular: “Well, they should be; what’s so difficult about it?”

Me: “Nothing, but it’s unusual. Would you like your usual along with it?”

Regular: “Yes, please, but make sure you charge me for yesterday’s as well.”

(The girl I am working with and I are just awestruck. It puts us in a good mood for the rest of the day.)

He’s Talking A Load Of Bull(ion)

| Rochester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m picking up a few things near the cash register. A customer walks up to the cashier with a bottle of Goldschlager. He looks like your typical party frat-boy. I overhear his attempt to impress the attractive cashier.)

Customer: “Dude, I love this stuff. It’s so good.”

Cashier: “Yeah, my mom’s a fan too.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s really awesome. The gold flakes in it cut your throat and your stomach to get the alcohol in you faster, and get you drunk faster.”

(It is now obvious that the cashier is unenthused.)

Cashier: “Is that so?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s totally why I drink it. It gets you drunk way faster.”

(I can see that the cashier is getting annoyed with the customer’s ‘bro’ attitude, so I speak up.)

Me: “Actually, that’s just an urban legend. Gold is known for its soft malleable properties, so it’s not sharp enough to cut you like that.”

(The customer looks a little flustered.)

Customer: “Well, that’s what I heard!”

Me: “Well it’s wrong. Not to mention, I’m sure the FDA would not approve of the sale of a drink that actually could tear the lining of the stomach and throat to accelerate intoxication. The gold is just a novelty effect.”

(The guy mumbles something, pays for his liquor, and leaves; he is clearly embarrassed. I finish my selection, and go to the cashier to pay.)

Cashier: “Look at you go! Thanks so much for that. I get so tired of idiots thinking I’m impressed with how much they can drink.”

Me: “No problem!”

Saved Him From Making A Big Mis-Steak

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Food & Drink

(A regular walks in.)

Me: “Good day, sir. What can I help you with today?”

Regular: “I’d like seven pounds of lamb.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Got a party planned?”

Regular: “My brother and his family is coming to visit. Oh, and my son is bringing his girlfriend over. She’s a vegetarian, so throw in some chicken too, I guess.”

Me: “Sir, if she’s a vegetarian, she doesn’t eat meat.”

Regular: “Wait, you mean she doesn’t eat any meat at all? Not even chicken?”

Me: “Not even chicken, sir.”

Regular: “But… is that even possible?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s possible. Here’s your meat. I suggest you drop by a grocery store and buy something green for your son’s girlfriend. Enjoy your dinner!”

Regular: “Thank you.”

(He starts muttering as he leaves.)

Regular: “No meat! Some people are so strange.”

She Likes Her Coffee Black Belt

| UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(My friend and I head to a coffee shop. When we get there, there’s a customer screaming at the barista.)

Customer: “You useless little s***! How hard is it to make a d*** drink? I’m going to ring your manager; I’m going to complain to head office…”

(He continues making threats. The poor girl behind the counter is pretty much in tears. My friend’s patience runs out.)

My Friend: “Oi, mate! I don’t know what’s going on here, but screaming isn’t helping things.”

Customer: “Mind your own business, b****!

My Friend: “What did you call me?”

(The customer turns back around to my friend. The customer is a pretty big guy, six foot, and fairly wide. My friend is five four, female, and fairly unimposing. He squares up to her.)

Customer: “I called you a b**** who should learn to mind her own business. Now p*** off!”

(The customer shoves her.)

My Friend: “Don’t touch me.”

Customer: “Or what?”

(The customer goes to shove her again. My friend grabs his arm, turning with it, and throws him to the ground hard enough to wind him. She puts her foot over his crotch.)

My Friend: “Or you learn I have a black belt in judo. Apologize to the nice lady now.”

(The customer apologizes, but the police are still called. My friend and I get a free lunch!)

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