Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Good Idea On Paper

| State College, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I have the opening shift at a well-known steak chain. It’s a weekday and typically pretty slow to start off. I get my first table: an older man and his grandson. I leave to get their drink orders, and come back to see the boy wearing origami boots on his fingers made out of $1 bills.)

Me: “That’s some pretty fly kicks you got there. Did you make them yourself?”

Boy: “My pap just made them for me! We’re learning about origami in art class, and he showed me how to make shoes so I can impress my teacher.”

Man: “Don’t expect her to just hand out dollar bills so you can show everyone.” *chuckles*

Boy: “Pap, show me another!”

Man: “That’s the only one I know.”

Me: “That’s a pretty neat trick! I need to learn how to do that when I give people their change. Hey, I know how to make a paper frog; want me to show you? It hops and everything. We used to race note card frogs in middle school.”

(The boy gets wide-eyed and nods his head yes.)

Man: “A frog you say? Let’s see it!”

(The man pulls out another dollar from his wallet. I fashion it into a frog. It hops just enough to make the boy get really excited.)

Boy: “No way! How did you do that?”

(They are still my only table at this point, so I take the time to sit down, and teach the boy how to do that, who thinks it’s the coolest thing. They finish up their meals, pay their check, and leave the restaurant. I notice they tip me very well on their card. However, when I get back to clean up their table, there are 10 little boots sitting by the man’s plate made from various dollar bills along with a note.)

Note: “We thought you needed some fly kicks, so here’s one for each finger.”

(I unravel the bills to discover an additional $36. It was a great start to my shift!)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Powers

| Queens, NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m half-Chinese, but with my sunglasses on, people usually can’t tell. I’m fluent in Mandarin. One day I get a text from my friend, a grade-school teacher.)

Friend: “You speak Chinese, right?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Friend: “Come down to [intersection] around noon and explain what the f*** is going on.”

(At my lunch break I head down there. On one side of the street is a crowd of school kids, while on the other side an elderly Chinese man with an ice cream cart.)

Kid #1: “I’m gonna do it.”

Kid #2: “No way.”

Kid #1: “Yeah way. I’m fast enough!”

Kid #2: “You’re not Chinese.”

Kid #1: “So?”

Kid #2: “Only [Chinese name] can do it.”

Kid #1: “I’m gonna do it.”

(Kid #1 dashes across the street, yanks back the cover of the cart, and grabs a handful of ice cream. He takes off, but the vendor catches him, pinning both arms behind his back.)

Vendor: “Ah, three bars? Your total is $9.28.”

Kid #1: “Lemme go!”

(The vendor removes some money from the kid’s pocket with his free hand.)

Vendor: “Cash paid is $20.”

Kid #1: “Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.”

(While still holding the struggling kid, the vendor deposits the $20 in his till and takes out change.)

Vendor: “Your change is $10.72.”

(The vendor puts the change and ice creams in a bag and hands them to the kid, who takes off.)

Vendor: “Have a nice day!”

Kid #2: “Told you.”

Kid #1: “Fine! Okay, [Chinese name], you do it!”

(A short Chinese boy steps forward. His clothes are patched and despite the weather, he’s not wearing a coat.)

Chinese Kid: “Let us meditate… on the way of the wind.”

(He strikes a ridiculous pose and exhales loudly. The other kids jump back.)

Chinese Kid: “…on the way of the snake…”

(New pose, hissing loudly. The others back away even more.)

Chinese Kid: “…on the way of the hawk.”

(He flaps his arms and jumps in a circle. The kids are a good twenty feet away now.)

Chinese Kid: “The meditation is done.”

(He runs up to the ice cream vendor and grabs a handful of bars. The vendor strikes him with an exaggerated karate chop which the kid easily blocks.)

Chinese kid: *flees, speaking Chinese* “Thank you, Mr. [Name]!”

Vendor: *shakes his fist angrily, also in Chinese* “Sorry, we are out of lime today!”

(The Chinese kid kicks towards the vendor from across the street.)

Chinese kid: “My mother says she hopes your leg feels better!”

Vendor: *red-faced with rage* “It does! Tell her thank you for the tea!”

(The kids are enthralled. As they eat the ice cream, I approach the vendor.)

Me: *in Chinese* “What just happened?”

Vendor: “Oh… you understood. That little boy is a new immigrant, and all the other children mocked him because he is small and weak. He told them Chinese people have special powers, and they beat him up and told him to prove it. But I overheard and whispered to him to rob me. Now we have a deal.”

Me: “How wonderful!” *pointing behind him* “Hey, can you tell what that is?”

(As he turns around, I drop some money on the cart and grab a bar of ice cream, fleeing.)

Vendor: “You forgot your change!”

Me: *shakes my fist* “It’s a tip!”

Kids: “Whoa! How did you do that?”

(I slip off my sunglasses. The Chinese kid bows to me and I bow back.)

Kid #2: “Told you they have special powers. Never bully a Chinese kid, man. Never!”

Breast To Be Aware Around Bigots

, | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m a male shift manager at a popular drive-thru fast food chain. I’m 19 and the only manager on duty. I am doing my rounds when I overhear an argument.)

Customer: “You f***ing b****! You obviously don’t know what the f*** you’re doing! Ten f***ing breast pieces!”

(At this point the 15-year-old server runs out of the serving window area in tears and begs me for help. I send her on a break and approach the customer warily.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Who the f*** are you?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty, sir. Is there-”

Customer: “You? The f***ing manager? You’re f***ing 12!”

Me: “Sir, I’m 19 and I’m—”

Customer: “That b**** wouldn’t give me ten breast pieces of chicken in my ten piece box!”

Me: “Unfortunately, she was correct and we are unable to do that. Only one in every nine pieces of chicken is a breast piece, and in order to fill your request we would have to cook an extra 81 pieces, which would severely affect our profit margin. Could I suggest the fillet—”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing f** aren’t you? You’re one of those queers!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that—”

Customer: “F***ing f** boy!”

(The customer then descends into a tirade of graphic descriptions of the sexual acts he would expect me to perform as a homosexual. I’m finding it difficult to maintain composure at this point.)

Me: “Sir, if you do not stop immediately I’m going to have to call the police.”

Customer: “You wanna fight me, f** boy? I’ll f***ing kill you.”

(The customer gets out of his car and lunges at the window. I slam it shut and lock it.)

Customer: “Come out here and fight me, you queer!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot help you any more. Please leave my drive-thru immediately or I will call the police.”

Customer: “You can’t make me! Give me my f***ing chicken!”

(I pull out my phone and dial the police. As I’m explaining the situation, the customer has reverted to his tirade of sexual comments aimed at me.)

Me: “The police are on their way. You can either leave the store now or be removed.”

Customer: “You little f**! I’ll be back f** boy, just you f***ing wait!”

(The customer roars off. I’m shaking and my voicing is cracking at this point, having maintained composure for so long, but I stay at the serving window so I can explain the delay to the next few customers, and apologise to the next car, who witnessed the entire episode.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant], I’m so sorry about the delay there, I was un—”

Customer #2: “He’s right! You are a f***** aren’t you!”

(Worst shift I ever had.)

We Love To Deep Dish On Bad Customers

| UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Time

(It is five minutes to closing at our store when the phone rings. Policy requires that we answer until 11:30 during winter hours. I pick up and my friend and manager stands behind me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store location]. What can I do for you tonight?”

Customer: “I need two pan pizzas with sausage and pepperoni.”

(I put the order in on the computer and look to the clock. It is now three minutes to close.)

Me: “All right, sir. I’m going to have to put this in for carry-out, as we close in three minutes.”

Customer: “Uh, no. I want it for delivery.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. We close at 11:30.”

Customer: “Well the internet says you close at midnight. I want delivery.”

Me: “Again, I can’t do that. We have cleanup to do, and we close in one minute. We are also on the winter schedule, and close a half hour earlier than summer hours.”

Customer: “That’s f***ing stupid!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t have you speak to me that way. If you like, you can speak to my manager about it. She’s standing right here, and has heard this entire conversation.”

(He settles down. It is now after 11:30.)

Customer: “Can’t you call it carry-out and just bring it to me?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Can I send you a picture of the web page?”

Me: “You can, but it won’t make a difference. This is policy, sir.”

Customer: “Fine! F*** you!”

(He hangs up. I smile and put the phone down.)

Manager: “He was pleasant.”

Me: “I love people like that.”

Manager: “Why?”

Me: “They give me stories to tell.”

This Boss Gets More Than Just The Check

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(A young gay couple has become my favorite regulars at the small restaurant where I work. One day as I am talking with them, an older, more conservative-looking man walks past us to the To-Go pickup area. He stops short next to us, and in the same moment, I see one of the young guys look down with a panicked expression at where he is holding his boyfriend’s hand.)

Older Man: “James! I didn’t know you ate here!”

James: *uncomfortable* “Oh yeah, um… it’s half way between work and my… boyfriend’s work, so.”

Older Man: *glances at James’ boyfriend* “Oh.”

(There is an awkward pause, where we all just stare at each other.)

Older Man: “I’m sorry, I’m being rude.” *offers his hand to James’ boyfriend* “I’m Mike, James’s boss. Very nice to meet you. We all love James in the office.”

James’ Boyfriend: “Oh! Nice to meet you too! You know, James is always talking about how much he looks up to you.”

(James is so visibly relieved that he is near tears. The three makes some more small talk before the older man heads off to pick up his lunch. I end up taking his payment and he quietly asks me to pay for James and his boyfriend’s meal as well.)

Older Man: “You know… when I was growing up, I was taught that being gay was bad, a sin. But that young man is the brightest kid I’ve ever known, and I can’t see a d*** thing wrong with him…” *pauses* “…or his boyfriend.”

(He smiles at me and then walks away without another word. To this day, I can’t think about the look on James’s face when I told him that his boss paid for his nearly $100 meal without wanting to cry.)

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