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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Not The Britest Bagel In The Bunch

    | Rhode Island, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m a baker of the store, so I make all the donuts, bagels and muffins three days a week. This particular day I have finished baking and am now working on sandwich station. My hair is often multi-colored, so my coworkers call me ‘Rainbow Brite.’)

    Customer: “The girl making sandwiches got this hair in my food.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I’m very sorry, ma’am. Let me see that and we’ll remake it for you.”

    (The customer hands over a bagel which has a long blond hair sticking out of the cream cheese. My hair is short and currently black with pink/purple bangs. However, the customer’s daughter has long blond hair. Also, we don’t have a single blond girl working at our store—just two blond boys who have buzzcuts.)

    Coworker: “Well, ma’am, while this hair didn’t come from her, I’ll have her make it over for you anyways.”

    Customer: “Of course it’s her hair! Who else’s hair could it be?! I bet you are just covering for her. Let me speak to the person in charge.”

    Coworker: “Rainbow Brite, she wants to talk to you.”

    Me: *smiles* “Hi, hun, can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “I found this long blond hair in my bagel. Your coworker accused me of lying when I said it came from the girl making sandwiches!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can tell you she was telling the truth that the hair didn’t come from the sandwich girl, because that’s me, and my hair is neither blond nor long. However, I can remake your bagel and give you a refund if you would like.”

    Customer: “How dare you accuse me of lying?! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. Let me make your bagel again.”

    (I remake her bagel and give her a refund. As she’s walking out, her daughter speaks.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, why were you so mean to her? You got my hair in the bagel, not her!”

    Customer: *turns bright red and leaves in a hurry*

    Get Your Own Employee

    | California, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a really busy weekend at the grocery store. I am trying to restock some product, but I am being asked for help left and right by customers.)

    Customer #1: “Hi! Can you help me find the salad dressing?”

    Me: “Of course! If you’ll just follow me, I can show you exactly where they are.”

    Customer #1: “Which one do you like best?”

    Me: “Personally—”

    (Suddenly another customer interrupts us.)

    Customer #2: “Show me where the olives are!”

    Me: “Miss, they’re two sections over on the very bottom shelf.” *to the first customer* “I really prefer the red wine—”

    Customer #2: “I can’t believe you won’t show me where they are. Are you really that lazy that you can’t take the time to help me?”

    Customer #1: “Back the f*** off, lady! She’s working her a** off! You’re the one being a lazy b****!”

    (The second customer grabs her olives and storms off.)

    Me: *to Customer #1* “You’re my favorite customer!”

    At Least His Daughter Is On The Right Track

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a 17-year-old girl. I work as a hostess to pay for my gas money at a local restaurant that specializes in seafood. A family of three walks in: a mom, dad, and their daughter. They’re all well-dressed and the daughter is texting away on an iPhone.)

    Wife: “We have a reservation.”

    Me: “Name?”

    Wife: *gives their last name*

    Me: “Ah, yes, here it is. Table for three. If you would please follow me…”

    (I lead them to a table by the window.)

    Wife: “Thank you.”

    Husband: “Don’t thank her! This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is there a problem?”

    Husband: “OF COURSE there’s a problem! I want to be seated outside!”

    Me: “My apologies, sir, but all of the tables outside are taken. Your reservation has no specified preference, so according to restaurant policy, I took you to the first available table. Would you like to wait until a table on the patio is open?”

    Husband: “No! I want to be seated right now!”

    Wife: *to her husband* “Calm down, please.”

    Husband: “Your service is horrible!”

    Me: “I can get the manager for you, if you would like.”

    Husband: “Do it, now!”

    (The entire time, the daughter is still texting away. I fetch my manager and he sends me back to work. Two hours later, the family walks out. The daughter slips me something and leaves without a word. It’s a note and three folded twenty dollar bills.)

    Daughter’s Note: “Sorry that my dad is such an a**. I hope this makes up for it, and congratulations on the track meet last Thursday. We stayed inside, just so you know!”

    (Upon closer inspection, it turns out that she runs for one of our rival schools. I knew she looked familiar!)

    Just Plain Nuts

    | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Customer: “So, does the Rocky Road have peanuts in it? I’m allergic to peanuts.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it does, sir. I’d recommend the Cookie Dough; it’s very good.”

    Customer: “No, no, I’ve had that before. Thanks for telling me about the Rocky Road though. Allergies, you know?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, my friend is very allergic to peanuts, too.”

    Customer: “You’re such a nice girl. All right, I think I’ll have vanilla with the peanut butter candy on top.”

    Me: “Sir? Um… the candy has p—”

    Customer: “Look, kiddo, you were a big help but gimme my darn ice cream, okay? I’m in a bit of a hurry!”

    Me: “Sir, you just told me you had a peanut allergy. I can’t in good conscience give you that topping.”

    Customer: “You’re a teenager. You don’t have a conscience! You’re probably waiting for your boyfriend to show up so you can have sex and do drugs!”

    Me: *dumbstruck*

    Other Customer: “Hey, jerkface, she’s trying to tell you that the candy has peanuts in it! For not having a conscience, she’s being pretty nice about keeping you out of the hospital!”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Other Customer: “I’m not allergic to peanuts or delusional. One Rocky Road!”

    Not Two Bright

    | Texas, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I work in a Mexican restaurant where I host and take to-go orders. We have a special on the menu where you can get a plate of 1-4 items (a dollar more for each item added) starting off at $9.49. A regular calls in her order.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [restaurant]. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want two of your lunch specials. I want two beef tacos on one plate and one beef taco and one beef enchilada on the other plate.”

    Me: “Alright, on the first plate did you want two crispy beef tacos or soft?”

    Customer: “Uhm, one crispy and one soft.”

    Me: “Alright, and on the second plate did you want a soft beef taco or crispy?

    Customer: *gets irritated* “UGH! CRISPY!”

    Me: “Okie dokie, and what kinda sauce on the enchilada?”

    Customer: “Queso. Now, can you repeat my order back so I can make sure you got it right?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I have a Combo #2 with two beef tacos, one crispy and one soft. Then I have another Combo #2 with one beef crispy taco and one beef enchilada with queso on top.”

    Customer: “NO! I said TWO lunch specials!”

    Me: *confused* “Yes ma’am, two combos on our lunch menu, right?”

    Customer: “NO! I want two crispy beef tacos on one, two soft beef tacos on another, and one beef crispy taco and one beef enchilada on the other!”

    Me: “So, you want three lunch specials?”

    Customer: “NO! I want TWO!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, two plates.”

    I re-write the order and repeat back her new order. She’s satisfied, so I ring up the three plates as opposed to two.)

    Me: “Alrighty, your food should be ready in the next 15 minutes or so!”

    Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

    (15 minutes later, the customer arrives to pick up her order.)

    Customer: “It was just the hardest having you take my order, missy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. You kept saying you wanted two plates when really it was three.”

    Customer: “BECAUSE IT IS TWO! GOD!”

    Me: “Alright, your total will be [price].”

    (She pays, and I hand her her bag.)

    Customer: *pulls out the boxes* “SEE?! TWO!” *happily walks out the door*

    (The customer was holding three boxes.)

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