Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Putting The Bus Into Busy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

(My mother and I go to lunch at a popular fast food restaurant. The store’s location is in a plaza directly across the street from the local mall; as such, despite the fact that it is the lunch hour, there are few customers in the dining room other than us, though the drive-thru is a flurry of activity. We wait at the counter, and the woman there takes our order.)

Cashier: “Will there be anything else today, sweetie?”

(I am a pretty scrawny and short eleven year old, and painfully shy.)

Me: “No thank you, that’s okay. But um… there’s a bus full of kids coming here for lunch. They should be here soon.”

Cashier: “Wait, what?”

My Mother: “Well, my daughter was late to school today because of a doctor’s appointment. I normally drop her off with a note for the teacher, but her grade is on a field trip touring the local police station up the street from the restaurant. I drove her to the station and stayed with her as we caught up with the tour, and then decided to drive the two of us to the restaurant after. We’re here first because it takes time to load up two classes of kids into a school bus.”

Cashier: *pale* “Could you just wait one moment, please?”

(She goes and gets her manager, and my mom and I explain everything again.)

Manager: “How many people are we talking about here?”

Mom: *to me* “How many kids in your class, honey?”

Me: “It’s not just my class. It’s [other teacher]’s class too, and there’s 25 kids in hers. [My teacher] has 27 kids, but there’s [classmate] and [teacher’s aide] ’cause she’s special ed. And [third teacher] has some of his kids too, so…” *does the mental math* “Maybe 60 people?”

Manager: “60. Some adults, mostly kids.”

(She breathes deeply in and lets it out slowly with a whoosh.)

Manager: “Got it.”

(She turns to her crew, barks out orders, and the previously laid-back kitchen area explodes into action. Meat’s on the grill, batches of fries and nuggets are dropped into the fryer and just in time because five minutes later my classmates and teachers are swarming the place. The manager was nice enough to track me down in all the fuss and give me a free sundae. It wouldn’t be until years later, when I was working in fast food myself that I appreciated the reprieve even a few minutes’ advance warning could bring!)

Fight The NotAlwaysRight Fight

| São Paulo, Brazil | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I am a cashier at a fast food restaurant and we’re quite full today. Three teenagers (two girls and one guy) are in the line. As I hand over their orders and they give me the money, she gets closer to me.)

Girl #1: *whispering* “Please don’t freak out and play along.”

(Suddenly she starts screaming making everyone else look at us.)

Girl #1: “OH MY GOD! ARE YOU STUPID? I CLEARLY DIDN’T ORDER THIS! AND NOW YOU SAY I CAN’T HAVE MY MONEY BACK! HOW DARE YOU?!”

Me: *frightened* “Sorr-”

Girl #1: “DON’T YOU DARE SAY YOU’RE SORRY! I WANT WHAT I ORDERED AND I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS! I WANT TO SEE A MANAGER!”

(This goes for another minute with me trying to apologize until she turns around and notices everyone else is looking at her. Her friend notices that and starts to speak.)

Girl #2: “Now, ladies and gentleman, this is how to make an a**hole out of yourself. This is how stupid you look when you get mad for no reason with people that are just doing their jobs.”

Boy: “And we would like to ask you to never behave like that. Not only will you not solve your problems but you’ll just make things worse for you and for the employees.”

Girl #1: “I’d like to thank this wonderful lady here for putting up with the crazy girl that I am. And the rest of the staff too. Let’s give them a round of applause.”

(Surprisingly, most customers start clapping. Even more surprising, the girl gives me R$50.)

Girl #1: “You deserve it because I know what you go through every day! And with this said, we’ll be leaving. Thanks for your time and remember, don’t be a bad customer.”

Me: *to coworker* “Umm… what just happened?”

Coworker: “I’m just as confused as you.”

Me: “Best. Day. Ever.”

Don’t Have A Cow, Ma’am

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Food & Drink

(It’s my first day working in this cafe. It’s late in the afternoon and we are getting ready to close. I am in the back kitchen, cleaning, when I overhear this conversation between the waitress and a customer who has just walked in and is looking at the food we have left on display.)

Waitress: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Don’t you have anything else vegetarian? All I can see are these quiches, and they look disgusting! Like they’ve been here for hours!”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Normally we do have a few more vegetarian options; pasties and such, but as you can see, it’s almost the end of the day, so we’ve sold out of most things. But I can assure you that the quiches are baked fresh here and these ones are still fine to eat.”

Customer: “Well, they look terrible. I’ll just have one of those pies.”

Waitress: “Are you sure, ma’am? These are meat pies; they’re not vegetarian.”

Customer: “Just give me a d*** pie!”

(The waitress reluctantly bags up the pie and the customer pays for it and leaves in a huff. Sure enough, less than five minutes later, the customer returns.)

Customer: “How dare you sell this to me! It’s not vegetarian! It’s got f***ing meat in it! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Me: *to my fellow kitchen employees* “I’m going to love working here, aren’t I?”

Not Just Coffee That Is Perky

| London, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I work as a barista while my coworker is on the till. It is the lunch rush and we have a queue of about 15 people. We have been working nonstop for several hours and so are running out of supplies and mugs. I am currently finishing an order for a lady—Customer #1—and preparing to make drinks for the next elderly gentleman—Customer #2.)

Customer #2: *loudly* “I can’t believe how slow this service is! It’s absolutely ridiculous! I’ve only come in here for a cup of coffee!”

(He continues to moan in this manner. I set up the saucers and cutlery for Customer #1.)

Customer #1: *HUGE smile on her face* “Look how hard these girls are working! They are working nonstop! How long are you here until young lady?”

Me: “6 pm.”

Customer #1: “Oh, dear! That’s quite late!”

Me: “It’s alright, really. Today hasn’t been so hectic.”

Customer #1: “Well, you girls really do work hard. It’s to be commended!”

Me: “Thank you very much! Enjoy your drinks and have a nice day!”

(I move on to Customer #2, who by this point has shut up and is looking at the floor. I make his drinks and finish his order and he doesn’t say a word. That lady really perked me up for the rest of my day and it’s nice to see my work is appreciated by some! Thank you!)

Fond Of The Name Change

| Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(Our cafe makes a number of desserts. Most can be made by any of the staff. However, a few need to be made specifically by the chef. Typically, if business is not too fast, those of us taking the orders will simply call the order out to the chef for the entire cafe to hear.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a fondle.”

Me: “Excuse me!?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve got some friends waiting, so hurry up.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Could, you… er… please repeat your order for me so I can put it through?”

Customer: “A fondle! You know the one for five people! Geez, you haven’t been working here long, have you?”

Me: “A fon… oh, the chocolate fondue?”

Customer: “The fondle, yes! Hurry it up!”

Me: “It won’t be long, sir. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

(The customer, grumbling, goes and sits down at a table with various other people.)

Me: *to the chef* “One chocolate fondle, please!”

Chef: “One… what?”

Me: “The last customer asked for a fondle. So, one of your absolute best fondles for him please!”

Chef: “Well, of course! One extra-large fondle coming up!”

(Most of the customer’s friends start chuckling. The customer himself does not seem to notice anything awry. The chef, amused, makes the fondue and brings it out to the customer himself.)

Chef: *to the customer* “Here you are, sir. A big satisfying fondle, just as you requested!”

(From that point on, we nearly always call fondue orders out to the chef this way. He is proud to be able to claim that he gives hundreds of men and women ‘fondles’ every day, with full approval from his wife.)

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