Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Has A Plain Brain

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, School

(My younger sister is in high school, and I often pick her up. I overhear a conversation when I am waiting.)

Student #1: “I’m gonna go get a burger… wanna come?”

Student #2: “Over at [fast food] place? Nah, they always mess up my order when I go.”

Student #1: “What do they do?”

Student #2: “I always order it plain but then they put nothing on it.”

Student #1: “You dumba***, that’s what plain means!”

Student #2: “No, it isn’t! Plain means a plain burger! You know, how they’re supposed to make it. No changes.”

Student #1: “I can’t believe I’m friends with you.”

Screaming For Ice Cream For Other Reasons

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

(It is Dickens Faire this weekend, so we have a constant line for ice cream for a good 6 hours straight on Saturday. By Sunday, we only have 4 flavors left; the unavailable ones are covered with lids. A middle-aged couple comes in and looks at the ice cream.

Me: “Hi! The only ice cream we have left are the open ones.”

Husband: “Oh, okay. So just the ones that aren’t covered?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We had a huge rush of people yesterday and sold out of all but those 4 flavors.”

Husband: “Hmmm… I’d like Buttered Pecan on a cone, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any left. We only have the ones that don’t have the lids on them.”

Husband: “Oh… well, how about Coffee?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We sold out of coffee as well. The only four flavors we have left are Strawberry, Caramel, Strawberry Cheesecake, and Vanilla.”

Husband: “Hmmm… well, I’ll take Mint Chocolate Chip then. In a cone.”

Me: “We don’t have any of that left.”

Husband: “Well what do you have left then?!”

Wife: “She’s told you at least three times already. Only the ones that you can actually see the ice cream in are the ones they have.”

Husband: “But I wanted Buttered Pecan.”

Wife: “Well, too bad. Pick something else!” *to me* “I’ll have the Strawberry Cheesecake in a cup please dear.”

Husband: “I want… Cookies and Cream in a cone.”

Wife: “That’s it. No ice cream for you!”

At Least He Isn’t Bitter

| New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Okay, time to order. I’ve heard your teas are good. What’s the difference between a tea and a tea-lemonade?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way I can answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Oh, come on… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Um, lemonade.”

Customer: *laughs* “I’m an idiot!”

How Sweet It Is To Be In Line By You

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(My three-year-old daughter and I are waiting to check out with a few odds and ends. Unfortunately, the store has only one lane open and several people are waiting in line. I don’t mind, as my daughter and I decide to pass the time playfully sword-fighting with paint stirrers. When I turn to the side, I notice the couple behind me has just one little ream of Post-Its.)

Me: *to the couple behind me* “Would you like to go ahead of us? You’ve got much fewer items than we do!”

Lady: “But…you have a kid!”

Me: “It’s fine! We’re just playing together! Go ahead!”

Lady: “But kids sometimes get bored of waiting. Are you sure?”

Me: “Of course! You just have one thing! She’ll be fine; I promise! C’mon, go ahead!” *I scoot aside*

Lady: “Wow! Thanks!”

(When it’s time for them to check out, the man holds up his hand to the cashier.)

Man: “I’ll be right back!”

(He scrambles over to the next aisle and picks up a package of M&Ms to add to the order. After paying, the man turns around with the package of candy and hands it to my daughter.)

Man: “Here you go, kiddo!” *to me* “Thanks again for letting us go ahead of you!”

(It really put a smile on the cashier’s face…and ours too!)

Cold Hearts Can Lead To Warm Cockles

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(My friend works at a coffee kiosk at a train station. We are experiencing the coldest day of the year so far. It is only 30 minutes after opening, so she has not had a chance to warm up.)

Customer #1: “Cinnamon latte. Small. Now.”

My Friend: “Of course, sir.”

(My friend starts making the latte, but her hands are numb from the cold and she makes mistakes. There is a heater near her, but it only really helps her legs.)

Customer #1: “Will you hurry up? It’s freezing! Can’t believe I had to wait for a train in this weather! At least my office will be nice and warm when I get there!”

(Customer #1 carries on ranting and raving about the weather. At this point, another customer behind him, Customer #2, speaks up.)

Customer #2: “At least you don’t have to work in this weather!”

Customer #1: *smugly* “She has a heater! And the coffee machines are spewing steam all the time. She’ll be fine!”

Customer #2: “Would you want to work here?”

Customer #1: “Would I, heck! It’s too cold!”

(At this point the transaction is finished and he runs off to his platform.)

Customer #2: *to my friend* “What an idiot! What do you recommend from the new range?”

My Friend: “The gingerbread latte is pretty good.”

Customer #2: “Okay. I’ll have two, please.”

(My friend makes his order and hands him the two lattes.)

Customer #2: “Here, for you!”

(He takes the second drink and places it in front of my friend, but walks off before she can say anything. The festive period has begun, so there are going to be even more brutish and rude customers than usual. However, there are some really nice ones out there too! Happy Holidays!)

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