July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Mini Point Makes A Large Difference

| Derby, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(Two customers have entered. Customer #1 points at me, and starts talking to his friend.)

Customer #1: “Jesus! Check out that Snooty-B**** on the till!”

Customer #2: “Dude, chill out! Have some respect!”

Customer #1: “She’s way too dumb for that! B**** needs to be put in her place!”

(The customer proceeds to harass me about my education, my appearance, and anything he can get to, before he eventually decides to order. I’ve been totally silent.)

Me: “Thank you for that. What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Ha! I’ll get one of those large, mini fillets burgers; think you can manage that?”

Me: “A large mini fillet burger?”

Customer #1: “Um, duh?! I told you that you were thick as s***!”

Me: “A large mini fillet burger? So… a fillet burger, then?”

(Customer #1is speechless.)

Customer #2: “Yeah… you sure put her in her place.”

Some Kids Are All Work And No Play

| Huntsville, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

(I laugh.)

Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

(His older sister comes over.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”

Putting Yourself Into An Awkward Superposition

| West Lafayette, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Math & Science, Top

(I’m studying physics at a major university. I work at an ice cream store, and when we don’t have anything to do I usually do my reading for physics. A customer walks up to the counter to get a spoon, and then sees one of the diagrams in my physics book.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re reading a picture book. I’m glad you found something that you’re smart enough to read. What’s it about?”

Me: “String theory and theoretical quantum physics.”

Customer: *long pause*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; should I use smaller words? Maybe I could draw you a picture?”

Customer: *quietly* “May I please have a spoon?”

Some People Can’t Handle Their Sugar

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am stocking coke in the aisle. A very perturbed customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Young man, my doctor said I can’t drink coke anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

(I continue stocking the coke.)

Customer: “Young man, I just told you that I can’t drink this stuff.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Would you like me to help you find something else?”

Customer: “I said I can’t drink this stuff!”

(She grabs a two-liter bottle and throws it to the ground. She puts her hand into the shelf behind the product and starts walking down the aisle, scooping all the soda on the floor.)

Customer: “I can’t drink coke! I can’t drink coke!”

(She begins stomping on the cans and bottles and kicking them around. By the time she’s worn herself out, the floor is covered. The cans are spraying little jets of cola. She looks at me, then over my shoulder at the liquor dept.)

Customer: “He said I can’t drink whiskey either!”

(She starts to charge the liquor dept. Thankfully, that is when the security guard steps in front of her, takes her hand, and leads her out of the store.)

Service To Swear By

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I am waiting on a table being used by a family: a mother, two teenagers, and one younger son. I am taking the order from the mother; everyone else has given their order.)

Me: “…and what side dish would—”

(The young son hits me in the back of the head. I find this funny, as the kid is so young.)

Me: “Hey buddy, what’s the matter?”

Child: “Where the f*** is my food?”

(I look at the mother in expectation of her to do something.)

Mother: “Well? Are you going to answer him?”

(I stare at the mother in disbelief.)

Me: “Well… the kitchen needs to cook your food for you, which takes time. I haven’t left the table yet, which means they don’t know what you would like to eat; it hasn’t even started being cooked yet.”

(The mother just kept going like nothing happened.)

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