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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Two Oblongs Don’t Make A Right

    , | Minnesota, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Coworker: “Hey, ask this next guy how his mom’s doing.”

    Me: “Uh, okay…” *to customer* “Hey, how’s your mom doing?”

    Customer: “She’s in f***ing jail! Thanks for asking!”

    (The customer drives from the intercom to my window, pulls down his pants, shakes his butt at us, and then drives away. The next customer in line pulls up.)

    Next Customer: “What the H*** was that?!”

    Also seen on Not Always Working.

    Not Always Indeed

    | Franklin Park, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Top

    Male Customer: “Hi, we’d like to get two Frappuccinos.”

    Me: “Sure, what kind?”

    Male Customer: “What was that kind we wanted?”

    Female Customer: “The java chip ones.”

    Me: “Alright, what sizes would you like?”

    Female Customer: “Grandes.”

    Male Customer: *almost at same time* “Ventis.”

    Me: “So…you’d like a grande, and you would like a venti?”

    (The customers look at each other.)

    Female Customer: “No. We have to have them the same.”

    Me: “Oh, alright. So, which size would you both like then?”

    Male Customer: “Ugh, obviously what I said! Obviously, you’re not married!”

    Female Customer: “Seriously, you young single feminists! You’d be wise to learn that husbands and wives always do things the same! And you are to be submissive to him! How else do you think our marriage has lasted so long?”

    Me: “Ah, well, I actually am married, and my husband and I like to do things differently from each other. We find it keeps things interesting.”

    Female Customer: “Your marriage is doomed! Oh, I can’t believe the attitude of you young people. Just make us the Frappuccinos so I don’t have to look at you anymore!”

    Me: “Alright, two venti java chips, coming up…”

    (The whole time I’m making these, I hear them having an argument about how the woman will never be able to drink the whole thing and it was a waste of money, she really would have liked a different flavor, etc.)

    Me: “Here you go, two venti java chip Frappuccinos.”

    Male Customer: “You’re way too young to be married, by the way! What is it with you teenagers and taking marriage so lightly?”

    Me: “Well, I’m actually 26, and my husband and I dated for over 7 years before becoming engaged.”

    Male Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “…Sorry?”

    Male Customer: “No! You’re lying! You’re obviously a teenager and you obviously got married without thinking about it first!”

    Female Customer: “…And it’s doomed to fail because you clearly don’t know how a real marriage works! And don’t argue! The customer is always right!”

    Me: “Not always…”

    Take Your Time, And Ours Too

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Technology, Time

    (Note: I have been trying to help a caller get logged into our website for 20 minutes, but she keeps mistyping her username.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s try this again. Remember that your username is ******. So, try it again and I’ll wait for you to type.”

    Caller: “Okay, I’ll try it again. Just give me a minute to type.”

    (For a few minutes, there is silence. Then, I hear her get up, walk away from the phone, and begin to punch what sounds like microwave buttons. Soon afterwards, I hear popcorn popping.)

    Me: *confused* “Are you still trying to enter your username?”

    Caller: “Oh! Are we still trying to get me logged in? I thought we were just chatting now, and I thought I would make myself a snack!”

    Your Argument Just Went Up In Smoke

    | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young man walks into store, grabs two energy drinks, and then comes to the till to pay. As he’s paying, a middle-aged customer comes into the store.)

    Middle-aged Customer: “I can’t believe they haven’t banned those energy drinks yet! They’re so bad for you. Some kid down in the States died from them!”

    Young Customer: *finishes paying and leaves*

    Middle-aged Customer: “I’ll have two packs of cigarettes, please.”

    Dingbats In The Drive-Thru

    , | Derby, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the drive-thru area of a well known fast food store. I’m taking an order out to a customer who, instead of parking in the designated bays, has parked in the main car park. The car he is parked next to just happens to be mine.)

    Me: “One burger meal?”

    (The customer throws open his door with great speed, slamming it into my car and leaving a noticeable dent. In shock, I drop his paper bag.)

    Customer: “What on EARTH do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “You just hit my car!”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realise it was yours.”

    (At this point I’m too shocked to do anything other than stand there and try not to cry.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to compensate me?”

    Me: “What for?”

    Customer: “You just dropped my food on the floor. I demand a full refund and maybe some extras.”

    Me: “Sir, you just dented my car with extreme force. I don’t particularly feel inclined to do anything other than replace the meal I dropped, to be completely honest.”

    Customer: “That is RIDICULOUS! You owe me £5 for that meal!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, if I may please have your insurance details, we’ll see just how much you owe me!”

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