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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Androcles And The Liquor

    , | Missouri, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a difficult customer who comes in every day with his wife. Usually, he is just fine, but if he doesn’t get his coffee exactly right, he throws a huge fit. He’s even made a few girls cry from screaming at them.)

    Me: “Good morning! How are you doing today?”

    Difficult Customer: “Not good. I need my coffee.”

    Me: “Yes, sir! Coming right up!”

    Difficult Customer: “And, one other thing…”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Difficult Customer: “Can I get a shot of whiskey in that?”

    Me: “If I could give you coffee and whiskey, I think we would all have a better morning!”

    Three Beers To The Wind

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

    Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

    Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have 3 beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

    Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

    Customer: “What beer?”

    (I poke the can under his shirt.)

    Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

    Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

    Customer: *meekly leaves*

    Like Taking Candy From A Baby, Kids, And Everyone Else

    | California, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working in my family’s store part-time while I go to college. I am 18, but look a lot like my younger sister, who is 12, and sound younger than her as well. It’s October, and we give out free candy to paying customer’s kids or nearby schoolkids. We have a customer who lives next door to our shop; she’s very aggressive and known for shoplifting.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [store's name].”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, what ever.”

    (The customer begins taking candy from the bowl, which clearly has a sign that says, “KIDS ONLY. TAKE ONE EACH.”)

    Me: “We ask you only take one or two, not a handful. A lot of kids come by and we can’t keep refilling the bowl.”

    Customer: “What?! I’m getting some for my kids!”

    Me: “Well, we ask you at least take six and not a handful, since I know you only have three children.”

    Customer: “Y’all have plenty of candy in the store. Stop being selfish and f***ing stingy.”

    Me: “It’s not being stingy. The owner is paying from their own pockets for the merchandise, and they have to feed their family on the income of this store.”

    Customer: “F***’ing b****!”

    (The customer goes off into the store to shop. Meanwhile, my coworker approaches with some small pumpkin decorations.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Your father called and said to put the candies in here, so when kids come they’ll have a small gift bag. I’ll keep an eye on the customer.”

    (I empty the bowl into the individual pumpkins and leave the bowl on the counter. I’m putting the last of the candy pumpkins into a box when the customer comes back with some items. She’s since eaten all of the candy she took earlier.)

    Me: “Is that all?” *I start ringing her up*

    Customer: “Yeah. What grade you in?”

    Me: “I’m in college. I just graduated a few months ago.”

    Customer: “Wha!? Nu-uh! How old are you?”

    Me: “I’m going to turn 19 soon.”

    Customer: “What? Really? You don’t look—”

    (The customer starts reaching for the bowl, when she notices the candy missing.)

    Customer: “What the f***!? Why are y’all acting weird? I ain’t gonna take all your d*** candy.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. The owner just called with a new idea of making gift bags for the kids to give out until Halloween.”

    Customer: “Well, then give me three!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ve already taken enough candy for your kids.”

    Customer: “Why you treating me different, huh? What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

    Me: “Please tone it down and refrain from cursing. We don’t want any trouble. We are just doing as the owner asks.”

    Customer: “Don’t talk back to me, you little b****! I’ll get your a** fired! Anyway, you’re too young too work here! I know you’re not f***’in 19! You’re still in middle school, aren’t you? You’re a f***in’ liar! I’m going to call social services and tell ‘em they’re hiring 12 year olds to work here and missing school!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but if you want, you can call them. I know how old I am, and so does everyone that knows me.”

    Customer: “Get me the f***in’ manager! I’ll get your a** fired SO fast!”

    Me: *to my coworker* “Well, you’re the one in charge when my father isn’t here.”

    Coworker: *to the customer* “Look, sweetie: this ’12 year old’ is technically the one in charge, since she is the boss’ daughter.”

    Customer: “That is bulls***!”

    Coworker: *to me* “Come on, little Miss Boss. Kick her out of the store.”

    Me: *nervously* “M-ma’am, w-will you kindly leave t-the store before we call security?”

    Customer: “F*** YOU! I’M NEVER COMING TO THIS STORE AGAIN!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Coworker: “Please come again real soon!”

    (After a week, I had to go full time to college. However, I learned that my stepmother eventually had to call the cops on the customer and file a restraining order from letting her into the store.)

    A Man Of Few Words

    | England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working in the candy bar and am finalizing a group’s order.)

    Me: “What size drink do you want?”

    Customer: “Sprite.”

    Me: “Size?”

    Customer: “Sprite.”

    Me: “Size?”

    Customer: “Sprite!”

    Me: “Size?”

    Customer: “SPRITE.”

    Me: “SIZE?!”

    Customer: “SPRITE!”

    (At this point, the customer smashes his fist on the bench and storms off, leaving his mates looking very awkward and embarrassed. Long story short: he wanted a large.)

    Related:
    A Woman Of Few Words

    Not Seeing The Problem Here

    | Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am a server at a rather nice restaurant in the downtown area. It’s New Year’s Eve and a couple in their forties are enjoying the after-meal cocktails while waiting for the midnight fireworks.)

    Me: “How are the drinks?”

    Customer: “Great, thanks.”

    Me: “Anything else that I can get for you at the moment?”

    Customer: “I’m fine.”

    Customer’s Wife: “I’ll have another glass of wine, please.”

    Me: “No problem at all—”

    Customer: “You know, I really hate people that use that term ‘No problem.’ It’s as if to say you doing your job is an inconvenience. You should just do it.”

    Me: “My apologies, sir. It’s merely a turn of phrase. I will get your drink right away.”

    (I walk off, a little irritated, but otherwise still smiling. Some time goes by without incident and this table continues to get drinks up until close, at which point the customer approaches me as I’m doing some side work.)

    Customer: “Hey, I think I was being a bit of a jerk earlier with that whole “No problem” thing. My wife made me come over and apologize.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s fine, sir.”

    Customer: “No, really, I’m sorry about that!”

    Me: *without thinking* “It’s no problem, sir.”

    (We both realize what I’ve said and the the customer stares at me, but he bites his tongue and shakes my hand before walking away. His wife just behind him? Cracking up!)

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