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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Must Have Been The Funny Farm

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (Note: I work in a farm supply store. In addition to selling the usual stuff like equipment, animal feed, and seed, it also sells chickens and chicks.)

    Customer: “Where are your nugget chickens?”

    Me: “…Pardon?”

    Customer: “Your NUGGET chickens!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m not understanding what you are looking for. Are you wanting to purchase chicks, or perhaps full grown chickens?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! You know, the chickens that lay nuggets!”

    Me: *puzzled expression*

    Customer: “CHICKEN NUGGET CHICKENS, for crying out loud! I promised my son I’d get him one! He loves chicken nuggets!”

    Me: “Ma’am, chicken nuggets are not laid by chickens. Chickens lay eggs. Nuggets are small pieces of chicken that have been breaded and baked or fried.”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know, Missy, I grew up on a farm and I know what I’m talking about! Nevermind, I’ll just try the store in the next town. You’re worthless!”

    Freak For Yourself

    | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am at a Chinese restaurant with a friend. A group of four settle at a table beside us, including a couple in their 40s and what appears to be a set of their parents. The waitresses are obviously Chinese and speak English with accents.)

    Waitress: “What would you like for drinks?”

    Older Husband: “Diet Coke, please.”

    Waitress: “Sorry, no diet. We ran out.”

    Older Wife: “He can only drink diet, though!”

    Waitress: “We have no diet. I am sorry!”

    Older Wife: “You don’t understand!” *speaks slowly for her* “Only. Diet. Coke!”

    Waitress: “But—”

    Older Husband: “It’s okay. I will have water, then.”

    Waitress: “Okay!” *hurries away, slightly flustered*

    Older Wife: *to her husband* “You scared her away!”

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

    Two Oblongs Don’t Make A Right

    , | Minnesota, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Coworker: “Hey, ask this next guy how his mom’s doing.”

    Me: “Uh, okay…” *to customer* “Hey, how’s your mom doing?”

    Customer: “She’s in f***ing jail! Thanks for asking!”

    (The customer drives from the intercom to my window, pulls down his pants, shakes his butt at us, and then drives away. The next customer in line pulls up.)

    Next Customer: “What the H*** was that?!”

    Also seen on Not Always Working.

    Not Always Indeed

    | Franklin Park, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Top

    Male Customer: “Hi, we’d like to get two Frappuccinos.”

    Me: “Sure, what kind?”

    Male Customer: “What was that kind we wanted?”

    Female Customer: “The java chip ones.”

    Me: “Alright, what sizes would you like?”

    Female Customer: “Grandes.”

    Male Customer: *almost at same time* “Ventis.”

    Me: “So…you’d like a grande, and you would like a venti?”

    (The customers look at each other.)

    Female Customer: “No. We have to have them the same.”

    Me: “Oh, alright. So, which size would you both like then?”

    Male Customer: “Ugh, obviously what I said! Obviously, you’re not married!”

    Female Customer: “Seriously, you young single feminists! You’d be wise to learn that husbands and wives always do things the same! And you are to be submissive to him! How else do you think our marriage has lasted so long?”

    Me: “Ah, well, I actually am married, and my husband and I like to do things differently from each other. We find it keeps things interesting.”

    Female Customer: “Your marriage is doomed! Oh, I can’t believe the attitude of you young people. Just make us the Frappuccinos so I don’t have to look at you anymore!”

    Me: “Alright, two venti java chips, coming up…”

    (The whole time I’m making these, I hear them having an argument about how the woman will never be able to drink the whole thing and it was a waste of money, she really would have liked a different flavor, etc.)

    Me: “Here you go, two venti java chip Frappuccinos.”

    Male Customer: “You’re way too young to be married, by the way! What is it with you teenagers and taking marriage so lightly?”

    Me: “Well, I’m actually 26, and my husband and I dated for over 7 years before becoming engaged.”

    Male Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “…Sorry?”

    Male Customer: “No! You’re lying! You’re obviously a teenager and you obviously got married without thinking about it first!”

    Female Customer: “…And it’s doomed to fail because you clearly don’t know how a real marriage works! And don’t argue! The customer is always right!”

    Me: “Not always…”

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