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    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Freak For Yourself, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have a regular who comes in for special sandwiches that are made on Mondays and Fridays only. When she comes in, it’s on a Thursday and the guy who makes them at the deli isn’t there. Instead, it’s a new guy who’s still being trained.)

    Customer: “Black and blue with horse sauce on the side.”

    (FYI, she wants pumpernickel bread with roast beef, bleu cheese and horseradish sauce on the side.)

    New Employee: “Uh, sorry? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “I want the black and blue with the horse sauce on the side.

    New Employee: “Let me get someone else. I’m new, so I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “God, are you stupid? I want the black and blue with horse sauce on the side! Is that so freaking hard to understand?

    Other Employee: *overhears* “Yes, ma’am, I’ll get that made for you right now. He’s new, so he doesn’t know about our sandwich specialties.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer suddenly turns sweet and smiles.)

    Customer: “OH! You’re new? How many days have you been working here?”

    New Employee: “Only two days, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, watch out for those crazies. You’re bound to get a few!”

    Related:
    Freak For Yourself

    Some Customers Are Asking For It

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a coffee, a burger, and a muffin.”

    Me: “Okay, what size coffee would you like?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “Any cream or sugar in that?”

    Customer: “Double double.”

    Me: “And what kind of muffin would you like?”

    Customer: “Do you have to ask so many questions?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s hard when you don’t specify anything you want.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding?! I told you very clearly a coffee, a muffin, a burger!”

    Me: “Yes, but you didn’t tell me what size, how you like the coffee, what muffin, and what burger, and as you can see there are a few different—”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

    Manager: “I’m right here. If you’d like a large black coffee, a bran muffin, and a bacon cheese burger, then we don’t have to ask you any more questions.”

    Customer: “That’s not what I want at all!”

    Manager: “Then let’s answer the questions and stop complaining, shall we?”

    Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

    | Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

    Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

    Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, so plain?”

    Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

    Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

    Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

    Me: “No problem, sir.”

    Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

    Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

    Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

    Me:  ”Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

    Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

    (Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

    Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 8

    | Somerville, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

    Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for the her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

    Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “How the h*** can it be over 6 dollars? It’s on sale!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

    Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

    Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

    (Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire, Part 2

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (A young customer is trying to purchase cigars, so I ask for his ID. Note: I’m Caucasian, and so is he.)

    Customer: “Why you askin’ for my ID for cigars? They ain’t cigarettes.”

    Me: “It is a tobacco product and illegal to sell to minors.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! Gimme a swisher! You’re just racist against me! Gimme a f***ing swisher!”

    (Suddenly, the customer behind him speaks up. It turns out they’re a police officer.)

    Officer: “He can’t without your ID. If you have a problem with it, let’s go outside. We can call your parents and we’ll have discussion about disturbing the peace.”

    Customer: *turns pale and leaves*

    Related:
    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

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