• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    To Be, Or Not To Jollibee

    , | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m in line at a very well-known chicken fast food place. It’s lunch hour, so the place is fairly packed.)

    Cashier: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Do I want a one-piece or two-piece meal?”

    Cashier: “Well, people usually order the two-piece at this time, since it’s supposed to hold them for a few more hours.”

    Customer: “Okay, a two-piece meal then.”

    Cashier: “Would you like that ‘Original Recipe’ or ‘Hot and Crispy?'”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

    Cashier: “Um, the ‘Original Recipe’ tends to have softer skin and a tangy flavor, while the ‘Hot and Crispy’ is spicy and crunchy.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not sure which one of those I want. The ‘Hot and Crispy’ might be too spicy for me.”

    Cashier: “Don’t worry, our ‘Hot and Crispy’ isn’t really that spicy. It’s just enough for a kick in the taste buds, no more.”

    Customer: “Maybe, but I might want extra mashed potatoes with it.”

    Cashier: “If you order the full meal, you get a large side dish with your food.”

    Customer: “What if a large is too big? I don’t want to eat all that much.”

    Cashier: “Well, ma’am, the containers are behind me, so you can decide for yourself if large is too big.”

    Customer: “Hmm… wait, what if I don’t want chicken for lunch?”


    Too Much Gravy For The Brain, Part 2

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Could I get the whisky gravy without whisky please?”

    Me: “Of course, I’ll ask the chef to make your dish with plain gravy.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want plain gravy! I want the whisky gravy without the whisky!”

    Me: “Sir, the whisky gravy without whisky is just plain gravy.”

    (This goes on for a minute or two. The customer’s wife turns and whispers to me.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Just bring him plain gravy; it’ll take him a while to figure it out.”

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain

    No Produce Reduce

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (The customer in question is our grocery store’s former produce manager. She was encouraged to ‘retire’, because she was caught raising the prices of the produce so her sales would be better. She has a return and a few items, so I do her return and scan her items to balance out the difference in which she only owes me one cent.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is one cent.”

    Customer: “That’s not right. The onions are ringing up wrong.”

    (I look at my screen, and the onions she bought were ringing up 68 cents a pound.)

    Me: “They’re only 68 cents.”

    Customer: “They are supposed to be 99 cents a pound! That’s what the sign says.”

    Me: “Those are for large onions. You bought medium ones.”

    Customer: “Well… I guess I’ll take them for that price, but your new produce manager needs to learn how to price things right.”

    (She storms out in a huff, and my manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Did she just… want to pay the higher price?”

    Me: “Yes… and while you’re here, I’m reaching into my pocket to get the penny that she forgot to pay me for her stuff.”

    Hold The Garlic Bread

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top

    (I work the late shift at a pizza parlor, and am taking over delivery for a sick coworker instead of working the register as I usually do. I cycle up to the apartment that’s listed on the bill and knock on their door. The customer doesn’t answer so I knock harder.)

    Me: “Your pizza’s here!”

    (The door slowly creaks open. The lights are all off, almost like a horror movie, and I take a step back in surprise.)

    Me: “Uhm… hello?”

    (Unnerved, I turn to get the heck out of there, when I hear something moving. I look back in the house, and some guy is standing there, nearly invisible in the dark.)

    Me: “Oh, haha, I didn’t see you there. Here’s your pizza, sir. You ordered online, so you’re good to go!”

    Customer: “Who darez to tahlk to ze Count in zees mannehr?!”

    (I realize that he’s wearing a full Dracula costume, complete with bloody fangs and a cape. He’s staring at me with Bela Lugosi’s signature death glare.)

    Me: “Uh… Frank, the pizza delivery guy?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Dihd you breeng extra ov zee leetle sauce packeets for ze breedsteecks?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah, yeah, they should be in the box.”

    Customer: “Exceeleent! Have a vunderful night, my child!”

    (The customer slams the door closed.)

    Me: “What just happened?”

    Work Hard, Break A Leg

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m currently recovering from a broken leg. I am at work getting my schedule for the week. As I’m walking out the door, a customer entering the restaurant shoves the door open and hits me right in my bad leg. I fall to the floor, crumple over in pain, and the customer literally steps right over me without a word, as if nothing has happened and I am just in her way. She goes to order at the counter which is being manned by my manager, who has seen the whole thing happen.)

    Manager: “You need to leave.”

    Customer: “Why, because I hit that idiot? He was in my way.”

    Manager: “Yes. That’s one of my employees, and he just had surgery on the leg you hit.”

    Customer: “Well he shouldn’t have been standing there!”

    Me: “I was trying to open the door and leave; I wasn’t just standing in front of the door.”

    Customer: “That’s hardly my problem. Now take my order.”

    Manager: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, especially self-centered morons. Now get the h*** out of my store.”

    Customer: “F*** you and f*** [restaurant chain]!”

    (The customer storms out, literally walking right over me again.)

    Manager: “[My name], why don’t you go ahead and take tomorrow off? I’ll cover for you.”

    Me: “Thanks, I’m probably gonna need it!”

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