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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Melteasers

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I want a bag of Malteasers.”

    Me: “Sure, just a moment…”

    (I reach under the counter and take a bag of Malteasers from the drawer.)

    Me: “That’s $5.50.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want those!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Those ones you keep below the counter are all crushed up together! ”

    (She bangs the bag up and down on the counter. If they weren’t before, they’re probably a bit crushed now.)

    Me: “They felt fine when I took them out, but I can get you another.”

    Customer: “I want those ones!”

    (The customer points to the wall behind me. We hang some expired stock there just to show what we have available.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s just for display. It’s expired stock.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. I want one of those.”

    Me: “Uh, okay.”

    (I reach for a nearby bag on the wall.)

    Customer: “No, not that one! I want one of the ones up there. Right up the top!”

    Me: “Those are under the lights. They’ve probably melted.”

    Customer: “One of those!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I scramble onto the counter behind me and take down one of the expired, partially melted bags at the top of the wall.)

    Me: “That’s $5.50.”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!”

    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 5

    | Tennessee, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (After visiting an out-of-state friend, I’m taking the bus back to my home. On the way back, the bus stops in Tennessee, and I take the opportunity to grab a bite to eat at the bus stations diner. Going to the counter, I realize that the current customer is really going at it with the poor girl behind the register, who seems to have some sort of mental disability, and is having a very hard time understanding the woman’s order.)

    Employee: “So, that was… cheese fries and—”

    Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said a hot dog. A hot dog!”

    Employee: “Yes, a hot dog, ma’am. Are you still wanting the cheese fries that you—”

    Customer: “Why the f*** do you keep bringing up cheese fries! I never f***ing said anything about cheese fries!”

    (The poor employee looks close to tears at this point, and people surrounding the counter are starting to stare.)

    Employee: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. I’m sorry for my misunderstanding.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Honestly, the standards of these places…”

    (The customer steps to the side, muttering to herself, and I place my order. I speak calmly and make sure to apologize for how the previous customer has treated the employee. While I’m still waiting for my food, the annoyed customer’s meal comes up. Coming back to the counter, she takes one look and it’s obvious something is wrong.)

    Customer: “Where are my godd*** cheese fries?! Are you really that stupid?!”

    Employee: “Ma’am… I thought… I’ll get them for you ma’am.”

    (While the customer is still waiting on the cheese fries that she clearly did not order, she turns to me to complain.)

    Customer: “Can you believe these people? I’ve been on a bus for four hours and I can only be treated this well? Honestly, did you see that? Is she stupid?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I did see that, and I don’t think she’s stupid. She treated you with more respect than I think you’ve treated anyone your entire life. You’ve been on a bus for four hours? She’s been working this job, dealing with people like you for a while now. I think we know who’s better off.”

    (My food comes up, and I collect it.)

    Me: *to the employee* “Thank you!”

    Employee: *gives me a small smile*

    (After this, the customer just stood there and stared, embarrassed. Thankfully, I didn’t see her again before left. And to top it off, I got a free drink!)

    Related:
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 4
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 3
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2
    It Pays To Be Patient

    Be Nice If You Want A Slice

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’ve brought a large pepperoni pizza with me to work. After I get my customers out of the store, I grab a slice and sit to enjoy it. At this precise moment, a regular who is a total prick walks in. Note: I only share food with people I genuinely like.)

    Me: “Good evening. How are you?”

    Regular: “What’re you doing?” *cranes his neck to see what I’m eating* “Oh! You have pizza! Give me a piece!”

    (I close the box and move it out of his reach.)

    Me: “No way! It’s mine!”

    Regular: “Well, why not? It’s not like you’re going to eat the whole thing, skinny b****!”

    Me: “Yeah, like insulting me is going to convince me to give you a slice.”

    Regular: “Why can’t you just give me a piece?! You’re not going to eat the whole thing! Skinny b****es don’t eat much!”

    Me: “You’re not getting my food. ”

    Regular: “Well, I’ll tell [my manager]. She’ll make you give me a piece!”

    Me: “Yeah, go ahead. She’s in the office.”

    (The regular opens the office door and pokes his head in.)

    Regular: [My manager], [my name] won’t share her pizza! Make her share!”

    My Manager: “It’s her pizza. She bought it with her own money. I can’t make her give it to you.”

    Regular: “What!? But I want pizza!”

    My Manager: “Well, go buy yourself one then.”

    Regular: *storms out without buying anything*

    My Manager: “That was strange.”

    Me: “Yep.” *holding out the box* “Want a slice?”

    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2

    | Toronto, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am serving at a very busy restaurant downtown with a very large patio. Outside the patio entrance, there is a big red stop sign that reads, “Please wait to be seated”. Two customers, in their late 20s walk past the sign and rudely ignore the hostess’ calls to stop. They sit down at a dirty table. I walk up to the table and start stacking the empty glasses from previous guests.)

    Me: “Hello—”

    Customer: “REAL NICE! We came here for a nice lunch and have to sit at a dirty table?! Unbelievable!”

    Me: “Sorry about that, folks. We’re really busy and the guests from this table just left less than a minute ago. Let me take care of that for—”

    Customer: “Is that supposed to be some kind of excuse?! How hard is your job, really?! What a joke! You’d think you people would have some kind of system to address these things!”

    Me: “Again, I’m very sorry. Normally we clean a table before the next guest is seated by our hostess, but you seem to have seated yourself so let me take care of that for—“

    Customer: “Who?! That rude little girl that yelled at us on the way in?!”

    (At this point I’m holding a stack four or five pint glasses in one hand, a billfold from the last table in the other, four menus under my arm, and trying to keep table 44′s apps and drink order in my head.)

    Me: “Ma’am, she didn’t yell at you. She plainly said, ‘Excuse me’ to try and get your attention.”

    Customer: *scoffs and YANKS the menus out from under my arm*

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not exactly polite walk past the sign, ignore the host, and be upset that YOU sat yourself at a dirty table.”

    Customer: “Sign? What sign?!”

    Me: “The big one at the front that says, ‘Please wait to be seated.’”

    Customer: “Yeah, well what if I told you I can’t read? Huh? Then what?!”

    Me: “Well, that’s why it’s red and shaped like an octagon so you’ll associate it with ‘Stop.’”

    Customer: *smugly* “Yeah?! Well, maybe I’m color blind too!”

    Me: “Well then, sweetie, it sounds like you’re gonna have a really tough time with our menu.”

    (I walk away before she has a chance to respond. I eventually circle back to their table with two kiddie paper coloring menus and crayons. A few minutes later, they are gone but have scrawled a note on the back of the kiddie menu. This is exactly what it said:)

    Customer’s Note: “YOUR A A**HOLL WERER NEVER COMMING BACK AGAN”

    (It was also followed by a very crude scribble that a coworker and I later concluded had to be an attempt to draw male genitalia.)

    Related:
    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves

    Freak For Yourself, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have a regular who comes in for special sandwiches that are made on Mondays and Fridays only. When she comes in, it’s on a Thursday and the guy who makes them at the deli isn’t there. Instead, it’s a new guy who’s still being trained.)

    Customer: “Black and blue with horse sauce on the side.”

    (FYI, she wants pumpernickel bread with roast beef, bleu cheese and horseradish sauce on the side.)

    New Employee: “Uh, sorry? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “I want the black and blue with the horse sauce on the side.

    New Employee: “Let me get someone else. I’m new, so I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “God, are you stupid? I want the black and blue with horse sauce on the side! Is that so freaking hard to understand?

    Other Employee: *overhears* “Yes, ma’am, I’ll get that made for you right now. He’s new, so he doesn’t know about our sandwich specialties.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer suddenly turns sweet and smiles.)

    Customer: “OH! You’re new? How many days have you been working here?”

    New Employee: “Only two days, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, watch out for those crazies. You’re bound to get a few!”

    Related:
    Freak For Yourself

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