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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Not Quite The Pizza Of My Eye

    | USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a restaurant that sells pizzas that have been “kissed by the flame,” meaning they are cooked in a wood-fired oven. An older gentleman comes up to me at the cash register.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to kiss my pizza?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It says the pizzas are kissed!”

    Me: “Oh! That is just the way we cook them. They’re made in a brick oven over a fire.”

    Customer: “Darn it! I was looking forward to something special tonight!”

    And A Pound Of Pronunciation, Please

    | USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)

    Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”

    Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”

    Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”

    Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*

    (An hour later, he returns.)

    Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”

    You Attitude Is Just Peachy

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me. How much are your peaches?”

    Me: “We don’t have peaches at the moment, ma’am, sorry.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Do you mean the nectarines? They’re 5.99 a kilo.”

    Customer: *snaps* “I know what nectarines look like, missy.”

    Me: “All right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate that, but peaches aren’t in season right now. There are none around. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Does your boss know you talk to people like this?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe if you show me what you’re talking about, then I can help you.”

    Customer: “The peaches! I want to know how much the peaches are! It’s a simple question!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are no peaches in this store. Just…please show me what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “FINE.”

    (The customer takes me to the store front and points at a display.)

    Customer: “THESE!”

    Me: “Those are mangoes.”

    By Process Of Elimination

    | Leesport, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I want a chicken caesar salad.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like tomatoes, onions, and peppers on that?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Would you like tomatoes, onions, and peppers?”

    Customer: “Um, no peppers.”

    Me: “Okay, so just tomatoes and onions, then?”

    Customer: “No, no onions.”

    Me: “Just tomatoes?”

    Customer: “No, no tomatoes, either.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    A Shot In The Dark

    | New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a Foursquare check-in special for a free shot. A customer comes up showing that he has unlocked the special.)

    Me: “Could I see some ID?”

    (I check his ID and he’s a few months short of being 21.)

    Me: “Sorry, but you’re not 21, so you’re not getting a shot.”

    Customer: “But it says ‘free shot’ right here.”

    Me: “But, you’re not 21. You can’t get a shot.”

    Customer: “What is the mystery shot anyway? Could I get a virgin version?”

    Me: “Not really possible.”

    Customer: “I checked in. It says I’m eligible for a shot and a shot I shall have!”

    Me: “Well, a shot is, what, like an ounce? You want an ounce of Coke?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, that’ll be lovely.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I take a shot glass and manage to fill it with Coke, despite the pressure of the soda gun making almost all of it spill out.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *walks away happily with his ounce of Coke*


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