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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    We Can See Through Your Whine

    | Margarita, Venezuela | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Evening! Welcome to [restaurant]. How can I serve you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t see the Californian wine in the menu.”

    Me: “That’s because we don’t have it, miss.”

    Customer: “And why is that, exactly? I am a wine lover. The Californian wine is the very best and I only drink the very best.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, because the Californian wine has a very low demand in this country, it is extremely hard to find. We have Chilean and Argentinian wine, if you like.”

    Customer: “All right. I guess i’ll have to adjust to your low standards. Give me a bottle of the Chilean.”

    Me: “All right, miss. Would you have Cabernet, Malbec, or Carmenerè?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any of that! I just want red wine! Is it so hard to understand that?

    Me: “All right, ma’am, I’ll bring you the Cabernet then.”

    Customer: “I said I don’t want that? I only want red wine! Please get me the manager!”

    Takes One To Joe One

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cashier at a coffee chain. Our location is popular so the line is usually long. I overhear the following conversation between two customers.)

    Customer #1: “Why is the line in this place always so long?! I’ll never understand it!”

    Customer #2: “Well, sir, do you like coffee?”

    Customer #1: “Of course! Why else would I be here?”

    Customer #2: “Well, could it be possible that there are other people who like coffee as well?”

    Customer #1: “Oh. Right.”

    Putting A Lid On That Temper

    | Texas, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

    Customer: “Hey, you. Um…you got any corn dogs?”

    Me: “I’m sorry we don’t.”

    Customer: “Okay, do you have any pistachio ice cream?”

    (We’re standing right at the ice cream bar and have all the selections on display.)

    Me: “No, sir, we don’t. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Son of a b****! Well, do you at least have a large chocolate shake?! You have that, right?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Let me make that for you.”

    (I head to do this while my coworker takes the rest of his order, which is a triple dip ice cream in a cup. I come back to ring him up and notice that he’s not happy.)

    Me: “All right, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “I wanted that to go!” *points at the ice cream in the cup*

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s in a cup. You can take it to go.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me that you’d drive with that in your car without a lid?! How stupid are you?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I would. I can get you a lid if you want.”

    Customer: “Well what did you think I meant by to go?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (I get him a lid and force the ice cream to fit.)

    Customer: “Well, I hope you learned something from this!” *storms off*

    Less Is More, More Or Less

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Top

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

    Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

    One Immune System Boost, Please

    | California, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a shake/smoothie shop that specializes in healthy shakes with organic ingredients blended before the customer’s eyes. A woman who looks to be in her late 30s walks in and looks at the menu a while.)

    Customer: “What ingredients can you put in a shake?

    Me: “Well, we can include ground flax seed, hemp, wheat germ—”

    Customer: “What? You put germs in your shakes?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I said wheat germ—”

    Customer: “I heard what you said! You said germs! I can’t believe you put germs in your shakes! Wait until I tell everyone how filthy you are!” *storms out*


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