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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Man Of Few Words

    | England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working in the candy bar and am finalizing a group’s order.)

    Me: “What size drink do you want?”

    Customer: “Sprite.”

    Me: “Size?”

    Customer: “Sprite.”

    Me: “Size?”

    Customer: “Sprite!”

    Me: “Size?”

    Customer: “SPRITE.”

    Me: “SIZE?!”

    Customer: “SPRITE!”

    (At this point, the customer smashes his fist on the bench and storms off, leaving his mates looking very awkward and embarrassed. Long story short: he wanted a large.)

    Related:
    A Woman Of Few Words

    Not Seeing The Problem Here

    | Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am a server at a rather nice restaurant in the downtown area. It’s New Year’s Eve and a couple in their forties are enjoying the after-meal cocktails while waiting for the midnight fireworks.)

    Me: “How are the drinks?”

    Customer: “Great, thanks.”

    Me: “Anything else that I can get for you at the moment?”

    Customer: “I’m fine.”

    Customer’s Wife: “I’ll have another glass of wine, please.”

    Me: “No problem at all—”

    Customer: “You know, I really hate people that use that term ‘No problem.’ It’s as if to say you doing your job is an inconvenience. You should just do it.”

    Me: “My apologies, sir. It’s merely a turn of phrase. I will get your drink right away.”

    (I walk off, a little irritated, but otherwise still smiling. Some time goes by without incident and this table continues to get drinks up until close, at which point the customer approaches me as I’m doing some side work.)

    Customer: “Hey, I think I was being a bit of a jerk earlier with that whole “No problem” thing. My wife made me come over and apologize.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s fine, sir.”

    Customer: “No, really, I’m sorry about that!”

    Me: *without thinking* “It’s no problem, sir.”

    (We both realize what I’ve said and the the customer stares at me, but he bites his tongue and shakes my hand before walking away. His wife just behind him? Cracking up!)

    Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (This happens around Easter. A man in an Easter Bunny suit comes riding a unicycle into the parking lot and enters the shop.)

    Me: “Hey there, Easter Bunny!”

    Easter Bunny: “Donuts? Sick! I’ll have three strawberry, three cherry, and three blueberry, glazed, and with frosting and sprinkles!”

    Me: *hands him the bag* “Anything else?”

    Easter Bunny: “Nah! Donuts! Sick!”

    (The Easter Bunny suddenly SLAMS his head on the counter, which would have been quite painful if not for the headpiece on his costume. An egg rolls out seemingly from nowhere and onto the counter. He walks out without another word, hops onto his unicycle and rides off. The egg contained exact change—plus a labeled five dollar tip!)

    Don’t Tip Her Off

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “I’ll have my ciabatta loaf and a small latte.”

    Me: “That comes to $9.90.”

    (The customer hands me a $10 dollar bill, and I give her 10 cents change. Then, she produces her loyalty card. I see that she is up for a free coffee.)

    Me: “Oh, you’re due for your free coffee. I’ll give you some extra change back.” *I hand her the extra change*

    Customer: “No! I don’t want it! I don’t want the money!”

    Me: “But you’ve earned a free coffee.”

    Customer: “I come in here EVERY time and I order a ciabatta loaf and a coffee, and it comes to $9.90. I give you a $10 note, and I give you a 10 cent tip!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry… did you want to save your free coffee for another day? It’s alright. I can—”

    Customer: “No, it’s NOT alright! I didn’t want the free coffee! I don’t want it! You don’t get your 10 cent tip today!”

    Me: “Okay… well, I’ll just have to wear that.”

    Customer: “Stupid woman. You don’t get your 10 cent tip today!” *leaves*

    Waste Lots, Want Not

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    (This conversation takes place about 10 minutes before closing time.)

    Customer: “Why are half the bowls empty? I paid my money; I want them to be full!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am but there are some salads that can’t be kept overnight for health reasons so we discard them at the end of service. As we close in 10 minutes, we run them as low as possible to reduce wastage.”

    Customer: “That’s not good enough.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. If you could let me know which salads in particular you would like to try, I can replace them for you.”

    Customer: “No. I want you to fill everything. I should be able to pick which ones I want to eat.”

    Me: “Just to be clear, you want me to completely fill half the bar so you can have a few servings, even though it’s all going to be thrown out in 10 minutes?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: *speechless*

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