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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Quaffer Some Free Advice

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer #1: “Four shots of Jameson, please. But can we have them for free?”

    Me: “Ha ha, no.”

    Customer #1: “Can we at least have a discount?”

    Customer #2: “We’re all bartenders too!”

    Customer #1: “Except for me. I’m a personal trainer.”

    Me: “Do people ever ask you for free stuff?”

    Customer #1: *annoyed* “Yeah, they want, like, a free hour with me.”

    Me: “So, what do you do?”

    Customer #1: “I SHUT IT DOWN! Just like you did. Good job. High five!”

    (They paid for all the shots, and tipped two dollars for each.)

    Fuming Over The Gas

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working alone in a very crowded kiosk. A customer points at a soda refrigerator.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me which ones do and don’t have gas in them?”

    Me: “Gas?”

    Customer: “Yes, gas! I want one without gas!

    Me: “Oh, okay I think you mean carbona—”

    Customer: “I mean gas! I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but everything else except for regular spring water has ‘gas’ in them.”

    (The customer keeps staring at the refrigerator quietly, then picks up one soda.)

    Customer: “Does this one have gas in it?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How about this one?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Hmmm. How about this one?”

    Me: “Yes. As I said, only spring water doesn’t contain any gas. All the others do.”

    Customer: “Well, I think I’ll take this one anyway and try out for myself.”

    Me: “Okay, great, that’ll do two euros.”

    (After about 10 minutes, the customer comes back.)

    Customer: “MISS! IT DOES HAVE GAS IN IT!”

    Hot Food Can Leave You Feeling Warm & Fuzzy

    , | New Mexico, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working the closing shift at a popular fast food place. It is a few minutes to closing, and I am in a hurry to get everything cleaned so I could go home when a police officer walks in.)

    Officer: *pulls out a note* “Um, you guys have baked potatoes, right?”

    Me: “Yes sir, sour cream and chive, bacon and cheese, and chili and cheese.”

    Officer: “The bacon and cheese, and a cheddar burger?”

    Me: “No problem. Was there anything else for you tonight?”

    Officer: “No, I think that’s it. It’s for a girl we just rescued. She got caught up in human trafficking and we wanted to get her something warm to eat.”

    (Shocked, I finished ringing up his order. I immediately tracked down my manager and convinced him to ring it up as a manager meal, which is free. I also wrote a note that said good luck. The officer thanked me and left. A week later, I saw on the news that she made it home safe.)

    Having A Sub-epiphany

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I’m standing in line behind a very well-dressed, mid-fifties lady.)

    Lady: “What’s the difference between a 6-inch sub and a 12-inch sub?”

    Employee: *shows a 12-inch bread* “Well, this is a 12-inch sub…”

    (She then moves her hand to the middle of the bread.)

    Employee: “…and this is the size of a 6-inch sub.”

    (The lady acts like if she has just found out the meaning of life.)

    Lady: “Oh, so a 6-inch is around half the size of a 12-inch sub!”

    Faith Renewed In The Drive-Thru

    | Columbia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (A customer comes in, and once she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to order anything, I’m expecting a complaint.)

    Customer: “I know this is going to sound strange, but just hear me out. I went through the drive-thru this morning and they put a burrito in my bag that I didn’t pay for. I would like to pay for that now.”

    Me: “You… came back here to pay for something that you got, but didn’t order?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *beams*

    Me: *flustered and a little confused, I ring up the burrito* “That will be $1.06.”

    (The customer hands me the money happily and goes on her way. For me, this was an incredible show of honesty. Lady, wherever you are, thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.)

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