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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Placebo Me, Part 7

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A mother and her six-year-old child approach the concession at around 7:00 PM.)

    Child: “I want a coke!”

    Mother: “No, sweetie, you can’t have caffeine. Would you like some root beer instead?”

    Child: “Okay!”

    Me: “Oh, actually, this brand of root beer does have caffeine.”

    Mother: “Shush! Work with me here.”

    Me: “Um… okay?”

    (I proceed to make the drink. The child wanders a short distance away, looking at a poster.)

    Me: “So, why do you not want him to know it has caffeine?”

    Mother: “Well, it’s all psychological, like a placebo. I don’t want him up all night!”

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 6
    Placebo Me, Part 5
    Placebo Me, Part 4
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

    Food For Thor-t

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Food & Drink, History, School, Top

    (My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)

    Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”

    (One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)

    Armored Guy: “MEAT!”

    (The server jumps.)

    Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”

    (The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)

    Armored Guy: “COOKED!”

    (According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)

    The Power To Be Nice

    | Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (Houston has just gone through Hurricane Ike. Power is out in many areas, but some areas have gotten their power back much sooner than others. We can see a popular burrito place has power, and cooking smoke is coming from its roof. The smell is heavenly, so we go in to order a bunch of burritos for us and our friends. After giving my order of several burritos to the cashier, I add something.)

    Me: “Thank you for being open today.”

    (The cashier looks at me for a moment.)

    Cashier: “Could you just wait a moment?”

    (He then brings the owner up to me.)

    Cashier: “Repeat what you just said.”

    Me: *puzzled* “Thank you for being open today.”

    Owner: “I just got shouted at by some woman for not having ice for ice tea—after a major hurricane! These workers came in, even though most of them would rather be with their own families, to help us use these supplies before they spoil.”

    (He then taps the cashier.)

    Owner: “Their order is free.”

    The Real Bread Winner

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m shopping at a bakery that’s known for making a unique loaf of bread. It usually sells out quickly. Due to the popularity of the item, customers are only allowed one loaf per visit. I’m in the long line when I see there are still some of the special loaves available. By the time I get to the front of the line, I see there’s two left: one for the older woman in front of me, and one for me. There are two cashiers, so I go to the second cashier as the first one helps the older woman.)

    Cashier #2: “Hi! Welcome to [bakery]. Will this be all for you today?”

    Me: “Actually, can I have one of those [special loaves]?”

    Cashier #2: “Oh, sure!”

    Older Woman: “What? She can’t have that! It’s mine!”

    Cashier #1: “Ma’am, you already have one. We can’t allow you to have another one.”

    Older Woman: “It’s not for me! It’s for my daughter!”

    (She then points to the woman standing behind me, who looks equally annoyed.)

    Cashier #2: “We’re sorry, but we can’t hold this for her. This customer asked for it first.”

    Older Woman: “But I was here first! And I’m holding one for my daughter!”

    Cashier #1: “Ma’am, we can’t do that. It’s against store policy.”

    Older Woman: “Well in that case, I want to return everything! I don’t want to shop here if that’s how you treat your customers!”

    (The older woman has purchased a lot of items, and begins to unload her bag onto the counter. At this point, the people in line behind us are getting agitated, and the cashiers are looking distraught. I roll my eyes.)

    Me: “You know what? Just give it to the woman behind me.”

    Cashier #2: “Are you sure?”

    (I nod. The older woman gets a smug look, as she and her daughter leave the bakery with their items.)

    Cashier #2: “We’re so sorry that happened, but thank you!”

    Me: “It’s no problem. It wasn’t worth the drama.”

    (I pay for my original items, and turn to leave when Cashier #1 stops me.)

    Cashier #1: “Hold on a second. We just pulled out a fresh batch from the oven. Would you like one?”

    Me: “Yes, please!”

    (Not only was the bread I had delicious, but it was even fresher than the two the older woman got!)

    Prices Are Frozen

    | OH, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at an ice-cream stand. A herd of small children come up to the counter. None are older than eight years old.)

    Child: “Umm, miss, how much is that?”

    Me: “How much is the cone? Or how much is one scoop on the cone?”

    Child: “How much is the cone?”

    Me: “Well, this cone is technically free. If you get one scoop on the sugar cone, then you only pay for the scoop of ice-cream.”

    Child: “Okay, one sec.”

    (All the children giggle, then run to a woman nearby. They chat for a bit, and then they run back.)

    Child: “How much for the sugar cone?”

    (I tell them, and they again run back to the woman standing nearby. They repeat this charade a few more times by asking the exact same questions, until they all finally order. Each one of them orders one scoop of ice-cream on the sugar cone. Their total comes out to about $30.The woman nearby later comes up and cuts in front of six customers.)

    Woman: “Can I see a receipt for my order?”

    Me: “Sorry, your kids paid in cash, and didn’t want the receipt; I threw it away.”

    Woman: “Okay, well my kids told me that you told them that one scoop on a sugar cone was free. They all got one scoop on a sugar cone. WHY DID THAT COST $30?!”

    Me: “I told them that the cone was free, but the scoop itself was [price].”

    Woman: “That’s not what they told me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I did tell them that.”

    Woman: “Wow. You must be the biggest idiot if you cannot convey the price of ice-cream to children!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am.”

    (She stands there glaring at me. The next two customers are a couple of guys, who then come up to the register to pay for their order.)

    Guy #1: “Who the h*** hands their kid a 50, and sends them up to an ice-cream stand?”

    (The woman hears him, and stares at him with her jaw dropped.)

    Guy #2: *mocking the woman* “Where is my receipt?! Why are you so dumb?! Why did I have children?!”

    (The woman scoffs loudly, and storms off.)

    Me: “That was awkward.”

    Guy #2: “That was hilarious! She was such a b**** to you!”

    Guy #1: “I don’t think you did anything wrong!”

    (He tips me $20, smiles, then walks away with his friend.)

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