Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,990 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Bull-Only Sandwich

    | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a cashier at a fairly small sandwich shop in my city. I’m on duty at the same time as one of my coworkers, who is also my friend. She stands 5’9″ and is very slim with pink hair. She looks like a doll. A rather large guy comes in; he wants a sandwich with an obscene number of exotic and special items.)

    Customer: “I want a large pumpernickel sandwich, with black forest ham, avocado, shrimp, caramelized onions, pine nuts, basil, honey-glazed salmon and dragon fruit. And I want it now, so get a move on!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, that sounds delicious, but I’m afraid we only do quite basic sandwiches here. You’d need somewhere special for that order.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I need to be back at work soon and I want my d*** sandwich! Call yourself a business, denying me my food like that! I’m reporting you unless you serve me right now! Now make me my sandwich!”

    Coworker: “Okay, I get that you’re angry about this, but I really can’t do anything about this. The only parts of that order we could do are the onions and the shrimp. Apart from that, we just don’t stock the ingredients. Now, either please order something else or leave. You’re holding up everyone else.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this. Make me my food right now or I’m coming back there to kick your a** till you do as I said!”

    (My coworker is now quite annoyed, as it’s been a long day.)

    Coworker: “Number one, threats aren’t going to help you. I can’t make it because we don’t have the ingredients, not because I don’t want to. Number two, if you come back here it’s not going to end well, do you understand me?”

    Customer: “If I come back there you can’t do a d*** thing to stop me! I know my rights and I want my food!”

    Coworker: “Please don’t come back here. If you get violent, it will be unpleasant for you.”

    Customer: “What, you think you can do anything to me? You think you can kick my a**, barbie? Nobody believes that.”

    (I’ve been eavesdropping from further down the counter. I’m a pretty big guy, 6’4”, and I’m in good shape. I see this as my cue to lean over.)

    Me: “I believe her.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? And who the f*** are you? Another a**hole who’s going to refuse me my food?”

    Me: “I was thinking more a black sash in Lethwei, a competitor in both Eskrima and Sambo, and if you’re familiar with the local circuit I’m the latest MMA champion. And yes, I’m refusing your food.”

    Customer: “I wasn’t talking to you though, was I? I was talking to her.”

    Me: “I know. In fact, please do come back here and try to fight her. I need a laugh.”

    (Upon my saying this, the customer looks surprised and confused.)

    Me: “See, what I probably should have mentioned is she’s the one who helps me train for all that stuff I mentioned. She wins about half the time. Please try and fight her? Youtube needs a new hit.”

    (The customer blusters a bit more before backing down and huffing his way out of the shop, still threatening. I wasn’t lying: she would have wiped the floor with him!)

    Diet In The Honeymoon Stage

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I would like a small latte, please.”

    Me: “Would you like a flavor shot added to your latte?”

    Customer: “Do you have any sugar-free flavors?”

    Me: “Yes.” *points to the menu* “Our flavor shots are listed here, we have sugar-free vanilla, caramel, hazelnut, raspberry.”

    Customer: “Hmm, no thanks. I really shouldn’t have any sugar added to my drink. Can you just put honey in it?”

    Pop-Corntempt

    | WA, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I have recently broken my foot, and the pain and brace I wear under my shoe causes a pronounced limp. I’m working in concessions on a slow day when an elderly couple approaches to order. Our kettle is popping corn directly behind me, so it’s difficult to hear.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

    Male Customer: *mumbles inaudibly*

    Me: “What can I get started for you?”

    Female Customer: “He just ordered a small popcorn.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, of course. Buttery topping?”

    Male Customer: *mumbles inaudibly*

    Me: “Sorry? Could you repeat that?”

    Female Customer: “He said butter!”

    Me: “Ah, thank you. Would you like anything to drink with that?”

    Female Customer: “Teenagers! You never listen to a word anyone says! He already ordered a small coke!”

    (I’m 24, but I brush off the comment about my age as it’s a common mistake.)

    Me: “I apologize, it’s difficult for me to hear for the corn popping.”

    (I proceed to collect the ordered items, limping as usual. I overhear the woman mumbling, but think little of it.)

    Me: “Here you are, can I get any candy or anything else for you?”

    Female Customer: “If you’re done shuffling about so lazily, I’d like you to ring me up.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I broke my foot recently. I was moving as fast as I could under the circumstances.”

    Female Customer: “Right, uh huh. Whatever excuse you need. Lazy teenagers.”

    (I complete the transaction, and go about various tasks as soon as they leave, trying to hide my obvious annoyance. After a few minutes, the man returns and leans way over the counter with a serious frown. I nervously shuffle over.)

    Me: “Welcome back, how can I help you?”

    Male Customer: “I just wanted to apologize about my hag of an old wife. She’s got some sort of stick crammed up there, and it sure ain’t mine!”

    The Earnestly Being Important

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a manager of a fast casual sandwich shop that is known for having very busy lunches. On this day, it’s the middle of our lunch rush and the line wraps out the door. We pride ourselves on fast service, and even have an employee out reassuring waiting customers. However, a middle-aged man rushes in, bypasses the line and goes straight to where you order your sandwich.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a big turkey sandwich on regular bread, with no cheese.”

    Employee: “Sir, I understand you’re in a hurry, but so is everyone else here. I assure you the line won’t take long and we can even give you the information to call in your order for next time!”

    Customer: “Do you know who I am? I’m too important for this, just make my sandwich.”

    (The customer then goes down to where they get the toppings put on the sandwich, before the sandwich is even out of the oven.)

    Customer: “I’ll have lettuce, mayo and tomato. Cut that into quarters, too.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, what sandwich did you have today?”

    Customer: “I said I’ll have lettuce, mayo and tomato!”

    Employee: “Oh no, that part is fine, I just want to make sure I know what sandwich is yours.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me?! I just ordered, it’s the next one coming out. Does anyone here even know who I am? I don’t have time for this.”

    (At this point the customer comes down to the cash registers, butts in front of someone who is in the middle of giving their order and continues his little tirade.)

    Customer: “I had a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips and a regular soda.”

    Employee: “Sure, no problem. If you don’t mind though, I’d like to finish ringing up this gentleman in front of you.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? I’m in a hurry here. I can guarantee you that what I do here if far more important than what anyone else does in this line.”

    (At this point my cashier flashes a big smile, and begins to blush.)

    Employee: “Aw, thank you! That just made my day!”

    Customer: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

    Employee: “Well, sir, you just said you were a very important person and that how you spend your time is also more important than everyone else. Despite all this, you still feel it is just as important to spend your time visiting us today to eat our food. If you’re as important as you say, that must make us pretty darn important too!”

    (Several regular customers in line who overheard my employee agree and start clapping for her. Eventually, the whole store gets in on it. Seeing those individuals react the way they did that day made me proud to call them my employees.)

    Heat Rises As IQ Falls

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (We have a convection oven for heating up pastries and sandwiches. Some people mistake it for a microwave oven. One day, a customer who has already purchased her drink comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but this drink is not hot enough. Can you heat this up in your microwave?” *points to our oven*

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t do that since that’s a convection oven. However, I can remake the drink to be hotter for you.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want you to remake it. I just want you to heat it up a little more. Are you sure you can’t do it?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that thing we have over there is a convection oven. Your cup will catch on fire if I put it in there.”

    Customer: *blankly stares at me for several seconds* “…So you can’t do it?”

    Me: “Not unless you want your drink engulfed in flames.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *leaves the store, still confused*

    Page 151/261First...149150151152153...Last