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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire, Part 2

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (A young customer is trying to purchase cigars, so I ask for his ID. Note: I’m Caucasian, and so is he.)

    Customer: “Why you askin’ for my ID for cigars? They ain’t cigarettes.”

    Me: “It is a tobacco product and illegal to sell to minors.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! Gimme a swisher! You’re just racist against me! Gimme a f***ing swisher!”

    (Suddenly, the customer behind him speaks up. It turns out they’re a police officer.)

    Officer: “He can’t without your ID. If you have a problem with it, let’s go outside. We can call your parents and we’ll have discussion about disturbing the peace.”

    Customer: *turns pale and leaves*

    Related:
    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

    The Son Will Come Up, Tomorrow

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am currently two weeks into my new job, and am the newest employee on staff. I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. I hope you’re having a great morning! Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I want a nonfat venti latte, seven pumps of vanilla, extra whipped cream, and you’d better make it fast, b****! I can’t believe you folks are so slow. This is a DRIVE-THRU! I shouldn’t even have to stop my car!”

    Me: *mortified* “We’ll have that right up for you. Please pull around for your total.”

    (When the car reaches the window, I see that the woman’s adult son, a regular customer, is driving the car.)

    Customer’s Son: “I’m so sorry about my mother. She’s a cranky old b**** who doesn’t know how to shut her mouth. Thanks for the coffee. Here’s a tip for putting up with her bulls***!”

    (He drops a ten-dollar bill into our tip jar before driving off. He now comes back as a regular customer each morning—without his mother. He always tips generously and has something nice to say to me!)

    The Faux-teen Of Youth

    | Queensland, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (Working in a liquor store one night, a male who looks about 16 enters the store. Please note: this happened in 2009.)

    Customer: *places beers on the counter* “Hi, I’ll just have these, thanks, and a bottle of rum.”

    Me: “Uh, sure mate. I’ll need to see some ID first.”

    (The customer produces ID, and it looks real—his photo on it, holograms where they should be—but one thing stands out: his DOB says he was born in 1929.)

    Me: “So. 1929 huh? You sure don’t look 80 to me.”

    Customer: “I’m over 18 though, aren’t I?”

    Me: “I think you better get out of my store before I call the cops, Gramps.”

    (The kid left the beer on the counter and ran off. He also left his ID, which I kept to show off to my friends. We all had a good laugh about it!)

    Mayonnaise Squirted, Disaster Averted

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A girl comes into our sandwich shop asking if we are hiring. I explain how to apply online, so she leaves a copy of a resume, thanks me, and leaves. 10 minutes later, the same girl reenters the store and orders a sub. My coworker serves her, but I overhear the entire exchange.)

    Girl: “I want [sandwich] on wheat bread; a 6-inch. Put mayo on the bread.”

    (The girl’s requests grow increasingly complex. She asks for an extra of everything, including a total of four requests for more mayo on the sub. By the end, there is probably half a bottle of mayo on the 6-inch sub. My coworker goes to close up and wrap the sandwich.)

    Girl: “Hey, don’t you think that sandwich looks messy? I don’t want to eat that. Make me another one.”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I made this sub exactly to your specifications. You asked for double veggies and 10 times the regular amount of sauce. If I remake your sub, the new one will look exactly like this, so I’m afraid can’t keep wasting product like that. We would be happy to give you extra napkins, though.”

    Girl: “This is ridiculous! I don’t want to eat that ugly a** sub! MAKE ME A NEW ONE, D*** IT!”

    (The girl storms out in a huff. Having recognized her as the same girl from earlier in the day, I immediately tore up her resume.)

    Me: *to my coworker* “If she’s that rude when she’s asking for a job, imagine how bad it would be if she was an employee.”

    Screaming Some Nonsense Can Lead To Slapping Some Sense

    , | USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a fast food restaurant when a man suddenly storms up to the counter, completely ignores the woman whose order I’m taking, and starts screaming obscenities at me.)

    Customer: “All you f***ing losers can go straight to h***!”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Every time I come here, it happens! You always get it wrong! I ordered this burger without tomato, and look at this! There’s a d*** tomato on it!”

    (He shoves the burger under my nose. I glance down and see that the burger isn’t ours, but our competitor’s, from across the street.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you ordered this at [competitor restaurant] across the way. You need to complain to them.”

    Customer: “I know what I’m talking about! I’m not a f***ing r*****!”

    (Suddenly, the other customer he cut in front of slaps him on the backside of the head. Note that the other customer is a woman and can’t be more than five feet tall and a hundred pounds.)

    Customer: “What the f***?!”

    Other Customer: “You deserved that. You’re being stupid. Get the h*** out of here!”

    Customer: “You telling me what to do, b****?!”

    (She slaps him again, this time on the face.)

    Other Customer: “Now, have you learned your lesson?”

    Customer: *suddenly meek* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Other Customer: “Good. Apologize.”

    Customer: “I’m… I’m sorry. I must’ve went to the wrong place.”

    (Dazed, the customer wanders out of the restaurant, leaving his burger behind. I gave the woman her meal for free!)

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