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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Doe Is Dear

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a pet supply store that offers alternative foods for animals with allergies.)

    Customer: “What’s bee-son?”

    Me: “Bison. It’s an alternate protein source, similar to beef.”

    Customer: “But what is it?”

    Me: “It’s also called buffalo. It’ a lot like beef, just leaner.”

    Customer: “But what is it?”

    Me: “They’re kind of like, um, feral cows?”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Moo?”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just say that? And veen-ay-son?”

    (She points to a bag labelled “venison.”)

    Me: “That’s deer.”

    Customer: *more blank staring*

    (I put my hands up on either side of my head like antlers.)

    Me: “Bambi?”

    Customer: “All these fancy names for things. It’s just so you can charge more for it, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s exactly how it works.”

    It Pays to Be Not Always Right

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m the customer at a drink concession stand at a music festival. Sodas are $2 and special flavored waters (watermelon or blackberry) are $3.)

    Me: “I’ll have a Sprite.”

    Cashier: “We are all out of Sprite, sorry.”

    Me: “Dang. I’d like a [brand of flavored water], but I only have $2. I’ll have a Coke.”

    Cashier: “Would you like Blackberry or Watermelon?”

    Me: “Coke.”

    Cashier: “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

    Me: “COKE.”

    Cashier: *very slowly, with a knowing look on her face* “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

    Me: “COKE!”

    Another Cashier: *to me* “She’s trying to give you the water for the price of the soda.”

    Me: “Oh! Er, Blackberry.”

    Cashier: “There we go!”

    Focaccia, I Choose You

    | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like to order?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a Pikachu.”

    Me: *confused* “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “A Pikachu! A Pikachu!” *points at the menu, where it says ‘focaccia’*

    Me: “Right, one Pikachu…”

    Bags Of Laughs

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (It’s been a long night, with a higher than average number of annoying customers. A couple comes through the till.)

    Wife: “Oh, no. Don’t put the chips with the pop! It’ll get crushed.”

    Husband: “Geez, don’t put the chips with the bread.”

    Wife: “Oh, and keep the pickles away from the cans.”

    Husband: “Can you double bag everything?”

    (I finally sort through their numerous demands, they pay and leave. The next customer and last in line is buying just a few things, and has listened to the previous conversation.)

    Customer: “Oh… can you put the bacon in a separate bag from the chips and pop?”

    (I do.)

    Customer: “Oh, and can you separate the chips and pop?”

    (I do.)

    Customer: “Can you double bag everything? It’s all pretty heavy, you know.”

    (I stare, not sure if he’s serious.)

    Customer: “And, can you put the receipt in a separate bag?”

    (I smile at this point, and he laughs; it’s clear he was just joking. Everything goes in one bag. From this point on, ‘put the receipt in a separate bag’ becomes a euphemism for anyone making a series of ridiculous requests.)

    How Quickly People Change

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working the cash register at a popular Tex-Mex chain. I am serving a customer who has been kind of rude, and seems like he is in a huge hurry. I have tried to be as pleasant and quick as possible.)

    Me: “So, your total is $34.”

    Customer: “Can you guys take tips?”

    Me: “No, I wish.”

    Customer: “Okay. Here. I’ll give you this $50, and just… um… forget my change.”

    (He did. He walks out leaving me the remainder, about $16!)

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